I think I’m going to pull out a pissy meme for today called Five Things That Tick Me Off (or FTtTMO, starting with that title because that’s the STOOPIDEST acronym I’ve ever seen! Gah!)
One Big Ball of HATE goes out to all the stoopid damn people who treat other people like idiots. This includes coworkers who have to explain simple things to perfectly competent adults like maybe that adult has never heard of an e-mail refresh button or that a printer feeds paper through its insides and can, on occasion, jam. If you feel the need to say to me “Have you checked to make sure the “X” is plugged in”, I will fong you. Of course the damn thing is plugged in, I’m NOT A TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT!
Although, I will admit that one time it wasn’t but I will still fong you when you ask.
One Doubly Big Ball of HATE goes out to fucking-ass self righteous drivers who believe their problem/schedule/life is so much more important than everyone else’s problem/schedule/life that they feel it is OK to ignore basic traffic laws and niceties. Big smacking CLUE for you folks: It’s not. So just get over your damned self and drive like the baby Jesus is watching you. Being an Ass-hat driver makes the baby Jesus cry (and plus, I’ve asked the baby Jesus for a special gift this year of smiting all the road crazies during the Christmas season. Your welcome!)
Cell Phones. One of these days, I’m going to sit on the corner of the street and conduct two surveys. One is going to be how many cell phone yappies are moseying down the sidewalk and compare it to all the people moseying down the sidewalk. I’m not sure if walking cell phone yappies piss me off, but I have noticed an awful lot of people glued to their cell phones talk-talking away while they stroll from place to place. I’ve done the same on occasion so I guess I’d be kinda hypocritical if I got annoyed with other people who did. I just find it interesting that so many people feel the need to reach out and touch other people and do so loudly.
The other study will be how many people feel they need to be yapping and driving versus how many total drivers there are. I expect this number to be a little lower than the walking cell phone yappy number but sadly, not by much. Wouldn’t it be cool to set up a hologram of a pedestrian unobtrusively crossing in front of the car and then fire it off as the drivers come close to it to see how much attention people are actually paying? I’d video tape it too, just so I could rewind and watch the cell phone yappy’s face when they realize “HOLY SHIT! PED!”
People in line yapping on a cell phone don’t get a study; they just get vaporized into annoying dust.
A Big Ball of Betrayed HATE goes out to chocolate samplers with no key. You know that every time one of those boxes shows up that it’s going to be chock full chocolates everybody hates with juuuuust enough of the good ones to keep people hoping. Enough of this. As of this writing, all chocolate companies are directed to come up with an accurate key for every box of chocolate and not more than 10% of the chocolates shall be the evil kinds. While you companies are at it, quit with the surprise fruit creams already. I can tolerate a lemon or orange or (maybe) a raspberry sucker in a box but any more is pushing it. Also, if I ever run into another electric lavender colored blueberry cream with neon purplish “blueberry” bits, there will be hell to pay.
My Last Big Ball of HATE goes out to…hmmm. Maybe I only have four big balls of hate. I think I’ll keep this one in reserve for things that come up. That way I can slot them right in and not be all sad that I have no more spots on my five things of big hate list.
Last year at the booniverse: Minus 20 boo points for anyone who says bad things about my sis!
Last last year at the booniverse: I bought three pairs, all the same waist size and all the same inseam but one pair I can’t button (*sniff*), one pair fits, albeit snuggly and this pair is big enough for me and a mad ferret (but not so good for ferret legging cause the critter’d just shoot right out of the top).
The year before at the booniverse: Last last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Tohato Caramel Corn Snack (strawberry)
The year before that at the booniverse: Big ball of HATE for not updating.