Blow It Out Your Ass!

Mad props to Dirge for giving me the above referenced outlet of anger.

I am Having. A. Day. today. I think I woke up twitchy and these people in the copy room will NOT STOP COPYING! It wouldn’t be so bad if my damn workplace wasn’t so “shared lighting space” crap architected where every office has some giant assed window on one wall for “supplemental ambient” lighting. Bastards! I feel like a zoo exhibit. “Here in Sub 3 room 313 we have the disgruntled boo worker. Please do not tap the glass as boo workers have been known to fly into furious rages and eat small children at the drop of a hat. Moving on…” GodDAMN people, you don’t need to be copying the whole book and QUIT LOOKING AT ME! Bastards!

And apparently I can no longer type today either. I really should have posted this as is for your amusement except the title came out “blow it our your ass” which I just don’t even want to contemplate. It did make me giggle.

Also making me giggle today is my inherent bitchiness. For some reason the new printers downstairs (HEY! We got new printers! Keen…how come no one tells me these things?) are acting all funky and no one can print and blah blah needs to be fixed cakes. I hate dealing with the printers. Invariably I call up after doing everything plus the sacred moon dance of the printer gods and they always (always!) have just one more thing for me to try. Damn printers are one floor below so I have to call on my office phone, run downstairs for adjustment A, run up, run down for adjustment B, run up… (at least I’ll be closer to fitting into my wedding dress!) ad nauseaum. People, I don’t want to move my fat ass out of my chair and run down a long flight of stairs for “OK, lets try turning the printer off for 45 seconds this time rather than 30.” That’s a load of hoey-crap if I have ever heard it.

So, the new printers aren’t and no one here can figure it out. I called up and got a tech whose very first words to me were “Have we tried turning the printer off and then turning the printer on again?” I don’t know, sweetie, have we? I certainly haven’t because I just got the god damn news that the fucking printers weren’t jammed but weren’t printing either which seemed more like a technical issue than a physical issue to me. That’s why I’m calling your snotty ass tech support self about my printer problem, honey. Believe me, it’s not for the stimulating conversation we have going.

Ahh, but I’m nice and go do the power dance for her and get a second message which I have never seen and run back up to dutifully report my new findings. She gets all bent (like I accidentally pressed the “Please create a new printer problem” button while flipping the on/off switch) and tells me that (of course you waste of oxygen) I have to make sure all the guides are set right. Guides? Guides in the drawers (for Christsake). GodDAMN woman, alright already gees, you might have said paper guides or something that may have clued me into what the hell you might be talking about. Gentle readers, would YOU think to check the paper guides in the tray if the sheets were printing fine except for the back side being hitched up 3 inches? Is that a logical leap of thinking? I mean, they printed fine on the front side, I might think that the duplexer is off or maybe something in the electronic menus is off but not the original guides.

So off I go again to check to make sure all the guides are on “letter” (which she seems to think is the miracle cure. This time) and still things is acting all funky like. I come back up and she tells me “Are you sure that when you checked the guides that they were on letter (like I told you?)” You know, no. I just ran downstairs and stuck my thumb up my ass for 10 minutes just to piss you off. Lemmie go down there and actually look at the guides for you. I then ask her to take the printer off line while things are getting sorted out and she wont do it. Not that she said “No” but she kept saying things like “You want me to take printer ‘Possessed by daemons’ offline? Offline? Take it offline correct? Are you sure?” Damn, woman, take the fucker OFFLINE now before I reach through and strangle you with my bare eyeballs!

You want to know the worst part of the whole damn thing? Somewhere the printer up and fixed itself and after the second round of the power dance it was happy as a clam all printing and whirring like I just hadn’t spent the last 30 minutes with Snotty McIcantbebothered. Damn I hate it when that happens. Fucking printers. Hee, so I very nicely and all happy chipper like asked for her name again. Then, just as cheery, asked for her supervisor and a contact number. I could hear the “Awwww hell. She’s going to call and complain to my boss” resignation in her voice when I asked for her super’s name and let me tell you, it was pure music to my ears. You wanna know something else? I aint doing a thing about it. I wrote down the info and then recycled it. Maybe she will sweat it for a while and wonder why her boss hasn’t said anything to her yet.

I feel all happy in an extremely petty way.

Oh yeah, and NEVER say “Have we” anything unless you too are there helping out and have some funky sort of short term amnesia thing going on.

In other not happy news Johnny Cash died today. That sort of sucks. TheMan was quipping a bit back that “If that which does not kill you makes you stronger, than Johnny Cash is the strongest man in the world!” Have you ever read all the stuff he has gone through and survived? Damn! He was one tough cookie. Cheers and good fortune to The Man in Black, wherever he is now.

Heh, looks like a disjointed entry of doom. Whatever. I have four new Japanese Snack Food Reviews waiting to (get written) go up but first I have to figure out how to access the pictures I already have somewhere in the mysterious “Pictures” or “Files” or “Funky place things vanish when the database is corrupted” spot. I assume that somehow I just click somewhere and wala! There they are! but my limited computer-Fu is weak against this enigma’s style. Of course, I will just go home, ask TheMan where things go and how to get them back and he will enlighten me and reveal the secrets of the “Where things go when I upload them” style. Stay tuned for the tasty Blueberry Pocky (written but with a AWOL pic) and Raspberry Pocky (ditto) review coming soon to a website near you. In fact very near you. Heh. Coming attractions (i.e. needs to be written) include Pizza Pretz and Potato Pretz! All rated “T” for Tasty!

OK, I have said my say. I’m gone for the weekend, unless I get motivated and post a pocky review. Tscheuss!

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