I Think The Cookies Are Winning


Last Tuesday I wandered over to the BadGardens to help with some souping. Well, stocking really, LunarGeography wanted to make some stock and asked if I would come over and help. Cuz y’all know I love me a good souping/stocking.

Anyway, it was also Badmovie and LunarGeography’s anniversary (Happy Anniversary!) so LunarGeography made chocolate chip cookies for her sweetie. She made two batches of chocolate chip cookies because Badmovie still had his stash of vanillas, which hadn’t been tried on anything other than ice cream. I was also invited to stay for the scientific chocolate chip cookie experiment and after confirming that I wasn’t being a damper on their plans (their housemate Nix was leaving for a convention the next day so the BadGardens would be properly celebrating the annual marking of their marital bliss later in the week), we dug in.

LunarGeography put me to work balling up cookies from the first batch (the Mexican vanilla blend) while she worked on the second batch (Tahitian vanilla). Usually I’m a pretty decent cookie roller because I like to bake and I detest the spoon method of cookie dropping. If God had intended for people to spoon drop cookie dough he wouldn’t have made it so tasty or so satisfying to grab a glop of dough and roll it into submission with YOUR BARE HANDS! That and I never really got any good at the spoon method.

I was on fire for about three cookies until the dough up and staged a rebellion. Perhaps there wasn’t enough flour or maybe my hands were little engines of dough-melting heat but suddenly I was up to my eyeballs in cookie dough that would not form any sort of shape other than utterly stuck to my hands. LunarGeography and Badmovie were no help either because they were busy giggling at my attempts to separate myself from the cookie dough. If you ever find yourself in this situation, let me say to you now that adding more dough in hopes that the greater mass of cookie dough will somehow magically form a cookie ball is pure fantasy. Myth Busted.

As LunarGeography said, I looked like I had tangled with the Pillsbury Tar Baby and lost. Blip.

We tried a bit of the dough for each (and all unanimously agreed that the Tahitian Vanilla made better dough) and then a cookie from each (mixed results – men preferring the Tahitian and women going with the Mexican) and then my stomach exploded. When did I get to be such a junk food wuss? OK, there may have been more dough tasting than one bit of each (especially during the part where I had to eat my way through the dough to find my hands again) and we might have had a cookie and perhaps some broken bits that fell between the cooling wire racks but still. I’ve gone on longer dough eating jags in my youth and have never been struck down by the queasy stomach of way too much cookie. I didn’t even think there was such a thing as way too much cookie but wow (the expression). I never wanted to see a chocolate chip cookie ever again when I left.

I’m getting old, yo. Next thing you know I’m going to be out there in pants up to my chin yelling at the kids these days with their music and their DAMNED CELL PHONES to get off my lawn.


2007: I went to bed with the fate of Europe still at large but as I understand it, sometime around 1am Europe was fixed.

2006: Taking shoes out of a puppy’s mouth and not updating.

2005: JSFR: Tohato caramel corn (vanilla ice)

2004: I suspect I either do not have the right cookbooks that are chock full of egg plant themed dishes or egg plant is the suck of the veggie world.

2003: I stepped outside to the strains of the fight song and the Brrrrrrrrrrrrht of the blimp newly puttered into town and I did a “YAY Fall” happy dance because finally, the best season ever was here.

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