Monday Mallard

Duck was still there on the way in… Head tucked under wing, napping behind the decorative shrubbery. Wish I could relax like that.

I didn’t sleep well last night. We’re in the throes of the June heat fluctuations, where it’s too warm at bedtime to wrap up in quilts and too cool at night to not have the blankets… Add the general imbalance in body temperatures between my Fiancee and me and it’s like a rotisserie over a campfire in the winter. I have to keep spinning in the bed to keep thawing one side while the other side freezes. It’s a lot of effort to keep from cooking unevenly…

At certain points when I stick in mid-spin, I start to snore. This doesn’t last long… A gentle elbow in the ribs is enough to nudge me back into rotation. In that respect, I guess I’m like a squeaky door hinge. If you open the door slowly it makes a horrifying noise, but if you keep it moving quickly, it’s hardly noticeable. Keep me spinning and the snoring stops.

Unfortunately, I only seem to spin clockwise… (“I can’t turn left!” – Zoolander) This means that the sheets try to wrap around me like a windowshade. I’m pretty good at sharing the top sheet, but eventually my torque will overcome the strength of the elastic holding down the bottom sheet and the mattress pad. I figure that if you could hook me up to a generator, I could probably provide a nice steady current in my sleep.