A2 MegaMeta 3

We start the A2 MegaMeta Smithees a little surreally this year…

I had the BRILLIANT! idea of getting dropped off at the sandwich shop to pick up a mess o’ sammiches (Pot Belly’s: The Sammich Shop choice of the Smith-ka-teers in ought six!) for us to munch on before/during/at the show break. Thus I wasn’t part of the crew with the stuff who pulled up only to find that the loading dock was being used. By this fella. I have no idea where they wound up parking and unloading but they all had by the time I got there. With sammiches.

Apparently, also, I failed to take into account that with one person sammiching (hi!) and one person driving (DQ), that left only one person to deal with the equipment…which is a two person job. Or as TheMan put it, “I was fairly certain, once I got everything stacked and bungied onto the cart, that I could get the whole kit and caboodle rolling. I wasn’t entirely as confident in my abilities to stop said kit and caboodle once it got going.”

But we got sammiches. Except for me because someone ATE my tasty veggy sammich and left me with an Italian sammich that had PICKLES OF THE ANTICHRIST on it. Bleh. Next time I’m just getting all sammiches that I will eat just in case there is a mix up and my sammich gets et again.

No. Not bitter.

After the foodz was brought in and set up, LunarGeography, DQ and I went into the bathroom to apply the hair glow gel that Badmovie had found. I chose blue, LunarGeography had classic glowy green and DQ went with orange. LunarGeography, after putting in two cans of glow glop, finally was luminescing up a storm…which I totally forgot to get a pic of. She looked like the last part of the Peter Gabriel video where the fella is in a star suit, except just her head and more so. DQ didn’t get as brilliant a coating, but she did have random glowy spots in her hair. Me? I looked like I had just stirred a vat of lard with my head and followed it up with a corn syrup shower. It was the nastiest, stickiest, most disgusting and unglowy disappointment ever and I have a big ball of HATE for the hair glow gel company. Glow my ass.

It took two (2!) shampoos to get that gunk outta my head.

Right. MegaMetas. There was a show blog in here wasn’t there? Lemmie go see if I can find it. OK, here we go.

Since this was MM3, we (and when I say “we” I pretty much mostly mean DQ) made up five monster giveaways corresponding (oddly enough) to the five Stupidest Looking Monsters up for award contention. This was the Herschall I feathered (no tar, sadly) and googly eyed (pictured here with DQ). Badmovie’s Herschall will be traveling with us to Columbus for the Origins MM3 giveaways there. On a personal level, I hate Herschall. HATE! He’s stupid, yes, but he’s also the world’s laziest monster concept ever. It’s a papier-m�ch� “turkey head” (which looks a lot more like a really pissed off Sam the Eagle from the Muppets wearing a feather boa) on a dude wearing a black turtleneck and black pants. Which…ARRRGH! Spend maybe two more bucks on the monster budget and rent a feather suit or something. ARRRGH! Stupid.

Next we have the Blood Monsters (or Filipino Bat Boys as we’ve been calling them). AhHA! BatBoy!

Then the spiders from Word Without End, complete with the WWE monster action! Heh, WWE. I never noticed that if you acronym World Without End down you get wrestling. Which the heroes did with the giant foam rubber spider. Anyway, if you chuck these fellas at someone it’s just as realistic as in the movie. Even DQ doesn’t buy it.

Ahhhhh, my favorite. BatRatSpiderCrab from Angry Red Planet. Behind the scenes factoid: The body for the Filipino Bat Boys was the discarded bits from the heads of these fellas. Also, the Filipino Bat Boys were flocked using the doll’s own hair. I felt like I was filming a scene from G.I. Jane when I was cutting off all the long locks off the pretty dollies. It was actually kinda fun. I also admit that it was fun spray painting the beejeebus out of the BatRatSpiderCrabs. I hope eventually to make the little plushy spider heads (from the body and legs) into fridge magnets and thereby using all the parts of the animal just as my primitive ancestors did. You know, when they made fridge magnets out of mastodon ears and such.

Lastly, Godzilla. I don’t want to talk about Godzilla because he isn’t Stupid; he’s classic but nooooo-ooooo. Idiot voters (and I mean YOU if you voted for Godzilla) saw Godzilla and went “OoooOOooo Godzilla” and voted him into the MegaMetas. HATE! Of all the monsters in 2006, Godzilla was hardly the stupidest. His dance? Yes, stupid but the category isn’t Stupidest Looking Monster Dance now is it? BAH! I hate to say this, but I am glad that we have Herschall the Blood Sucking Turkey Freak in this category, even though I hate Herschall to pieces, solely because if anyone can keep Godzilla from taking home the MM3 trophy, Herschall can. Herschall is THAT stupid.

I can’t believe I’m actually siding for Herschall. Ugh.

You know, every year I take crowd shots of the Smithee folk I get one (or in this case, two) of these weird shots. At first I thought it was just one of those strange freak coincidence things but three years and three shots later, I’m really beginning to believe that Smithee watching does take some of your soul. TheMan has a theory about no flash, shutter speed and auditorium lights…blah blah technical cakes, I just think I’m really good at timing when the souls are sucked out of the crowd.

It also stands to reason that the MM3’s would have (at least) two soul sucking event occurrences.

F-OO-D. Notable things about this year’s food. Mini Pixie Stix! As if two feet of Pixie sugar isn’t enough, now you can stave off that buzz slump between big Stix with a quick hit from the baby Pixies. The first one is free.

OK, they are all free.

Jones Sodas! Ummm, don’t tell anyone but…ahhhh…I actually kinda liked the Antacid flavored soda. Not that I’m going to go out and buy a six pack of it but of all the flavors I’ve had so far, the Antacid I’d willing drink again. I think my seething hate of Herschall coupled with the fact that I have to accept that he’s probably the only monster with enough stupid moxie to go toe to toe with Godzilla is messing with my taste sensors.

Gumball Eye Balls! I have no idea where the half finished bag of gumballs may have gotten off to after the show. None what so ever. In fact, in two or three days the evidence that may suggest that I made off with them will be entirely obliterated and I shall maintain my innocence in any and all investigations into the disappearance of said bag.

The show tinkered right along and sometime close to midnight, say quarter to, everything was said and done and the A2 MM3s became part of history. Fini. Of course we went for booz and foodz but I have no pictures of our Pizza House hoopla. Lazy is as lazy does and all.

Last year at the booniverse: JSFR:Sweet Potato Cookies

Last last year at the booniverse: (Hi mumses. I was going to give you a call about that but it seems like that hasn’t happened either. BTW, we aren’t bringing turkey).

The year before at the booniverse: On the plus side, I ran into a really amusing error: W2 no such person. That’s just strikes me as funny coming from a printer.

The year before that at the booniverse: Suddenly, my sis or I would remember The Baskets and discover one last handful of goodies and maybe a bit of spending cash.

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