Bad Cat Mom

I do more cat clobbering before 7am than most people do all day.

The SPCA is going to be all over my hinder for this morning’s accidental cat whacking. Poor Isaak got it first sometime around 5am when he climbed up onto my legs to…I have no idea. He’s not usually my sherpa cat but for whatever reason he decided that climbing my legs was the thing to do. Little Kitty isn’t so bad when she gets all Everest-y but Isaak weighs noticeably more than she does. At 5 in the morning I do not particularly want his cat poundage clambering all over my person so I wiggled a leg out of the covers to gently push him off.

At 5 in the morning I’m apparently also not completely in control of my fine motor functions. In my groggy state of half asleep, my gentle moving of said cat turned out to be a full contact cat punt, complete with a good solid boot to the cat head. Or at least something on a cat which thwacks most soundly when hit with the heel of my foot. Isaak was mightily put out by this and gave one of his patented kitty snorts of extreme displeasure before hopping off the bed for parts unknown. Most likely he went looking for something very near and dear to me so he could yark a steaming hot glop of partially digested cat food onto. I wouldn’t blame him one bit. Errr…sorry cat, I was just…see…mornings are…aw damn. I’m going straight to cat-mom hell for this aren’t I?

Vande got it just about two hours later when I discovered her waiting outside the bathroom door after my shower. Awwwww, she was just so cuuuuuuuute, that I had to scritch her little kitty head. She is the master at that. She is also the master of wandering off juuuuust ahead of the hand that scritches, so if you are determined to get some pettins in you’ll have to take a step closer to her to do so. And then another, and another, all the while half hunched over with your arm extended in immanent scritchie posture because she’s only just a step away. You might also be talking to her in a disturbingly immature fashion but I won’t tell anyone. Oh no I won’t. Who’s the cutest little kitty scritcher wanna be? Huh? Who is it? Oh yes you are, aren’t you? Oh yes you are!

I may or may not have followed the Little Kitty across half the upstairs in this manner but only because I was quite certain I could catch up to her in the next step. I swear she gets a perverse pleasure out of doing that. Anyway, she wound up wandering under the futon, and since I was all the way there anyway, I decided to kneel down and stick my head underneath to try and coax her out. Which…

Did I mention that I don’t put my glasses on until almost the last thing in my morning routine? Have I also mentioned that the carpeting upstairs is a darkish blue and my little kitty is a darkish grey? And also, that the futon is in the less lit area of the upstairs? Yeah. Apparently she was in a pettins mood and didn’t feel the need to disappear fully into the black hole of underfuton, but instead did a 180 at the event horizon. I was under the assumption that she had gone completely in so I got down to get a good look see underneath the mattress. Imagine both our surprises when my knee came down on the cat rather than the expected carpeting. Squish kitty indeed.

Both cats are none the worse for the wear, although Vande wound up disappearing into the black hole of futon for a good grumble and Isaak gave me the look of death until we left. They also will have forgotten my morning mishaps by the end of the day but still. Two good cat clobberings before breakfast. That has got to be a record.

If I had thumbs, I’d so be dialing up SPCA right now.

Last year at the booniverse: Damn! I’ve done so much nothing that if I were my manager, I’d have fired me back in February.

Last last year at the booniverse: But I’m not going to talk about Easter because I’m in denial. Ain’t here yet!

The year before at the booniverse: The fashion for booniverse denizens (population 1) is a nice soft mustardy yellow shirt (it is kind of the color of brown mustard mixed with a blobbit of mayo; I like it, very mayo-mustardy in a good way), matchy tan trouser socks (hey, I need to do laundry and ran out of fuzzy socks OK? Besides, I’m stylin in my snazzy trouser socks), sandals…because duhhhh and peridot accent jewelry.

The year before that at the booniverse: No cat violence was wrought upon my weirdoes so no entry today.

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