A2 Smithee’s Sweet Sixteen


We had cake!

Long about three weeks or so ago I had one of those off the wall thoughts (which I have quite a lot of, frankly) that went something like this: I wonder when the Smithees can legally drink.” I have no idea why, since we can’t serve alcohol at the event – which doesn’t mean that I’m not sorely tempted to buy a case of O’Douls just to be mean and spiteful…and also how Smithee fitting would that be anyway? HA! Where was I? Oh right. Smithee 21 – but the thought was there in my head so I had to do something with it. Which meant that I had to figure out when Smithee 21 was, which meant I had to figure out which Smithee we were on presently. I have no idea why, but that never sticks in my head.

Eventually, through some miracle of channeling my inner Smithee and maybe some math, I decided that we were currently on Smithee 16 which would…oh. Smithee 16. The Smithees are 16 years old this year, we should throw them a Sweet Sixteen party!


And so I organized one up and everybody came. No, I mean everybody. 246 of everybody. That’s a lot of everybody and about 46+ people more than we expected to show up. Oh sure, the show has been growing steadily every year:

[insert show matrix f/x here]
2000 – 65
2001 – 87
2002 – 92
2003 – 112
2004 – 169
2005 – 141 (infamous ice storm of ought five)
2006 – 176

So we figured we’d top out in the high 190s…maaaaaybe break 200 for a category or two. Maybe. At least, we would have been really happy if we had, but 198ish was our expected high. And we did hit 195 at Oblivious (Premise was our low of 158 but it is also our first category) and then…we kept on going. Wanna Run nudged us over the 200 mark and the votes kept coming in. 246!!! Only six of the nineteen categories dipped under 200 and five of those below 200 categories were higher than our record high from last year. What’s more, we had a single clip get more votes than last year’s (previous) all time record high. That’s…gobsmacking.

I, of course, took the camera and got lots of pics for posterity (and blackmail).


This is me, being a dork but I rather like the lines and light even if the subject matter is particularly uninteresting. That box blobbit holding the outer door open is the new! Smithee-fu! box! now on wheels! which seemed like the best of ideas when I bought the box. However. I don’t think the manufacturer specced their rolling bins to withstand being loaded with 40+ pounds of Smithee crap while piggy backing an ancient 30 pound projector and pushing the whole kit and caboodle over a couple hundred feet of sidewalk. My new vision of the future lasted about 50 feet before the wheels locked up (or ground off) and the box wasn’t so much rolling anymore as it was grinding along. I guess this is not how we roll.


Tada! The technical cart plus evicted projector. We also need to figure out a new way to transport the technical gear because the cart doesn’t so much go when presented with a sudden variance in rollway. The equipment on the cart, however, cares not about uneven sidewalks or thresholds and is perfectly content to stay in motion when the cart has stopped. On the plus side, it’s fairly easy to pick the technical stuff back up from the floor and restack it after negotiating the empty cart over a bump. I guess showing the Smithees for several years running has toughened our component pieces to the point that a small wipe out is nothing to them.


I saw TheMan (in his Guru of Graphics guise) walk through carrying Utz barrels and Jones Holiday sodas and had to get a pic.


Sometimes the image is so good you just can’t stop at one. This is Badmovie in his Iron Chef Smithee guise…because how appropriate! Utz and Jones sodas, the quintessential Smithee snack.


LunarGeography poses because I told her she had to. UTZ!


And DQ too.

Aaaaaand then I decided that we had better get setting up and quit with the muscle-man Utz barrel posing despite how much it made me giggle. And it did. Most egregiously. Come on, Utz barrels!


Here is the Smithee audience mauling the snacks. See how many people there were? You can’t even see the snacks! You can see the cake carcass off to the left side of the pic and a can of easy cheese (but not the new gray capped cream cheese flavor) and the GORP on the right side and many, many happy snackers perusing the offerings. As usual we had audience originated snacks and that just cracks me up. Some people bring good snacks like roasted almonds (Yummm) and Hershey’s mini candy coated chocolate things. Others bring traditional bad snacks like the woman who came in with an armful of bizarre colored candy canes with gummi whatsits attached to them. Gummy and hard candy? WHYYYYYY!!!! My favorite this year were the “Maple Tree Droppings” maple flavored hard candies. Heh. Of course, some food that you wouldn’t really think of as Smithee food made its way to the show. The crock pot of Swedish meatballs graced out tables again this year and I *think* they upsized their crock. It didn’t matter; the meatballs were gone faster than you could say “Hey, watchit! Those are my FINGERS!!”

Of course, there were the old standbys like Thick Mints, the aforementioned Utz cheese balls, Chicken in a Biscuit, A-Tasket Crackers, Veggy booty and various spray cheeses and the age old standard Circus peanuts. BTW, the Circus peanuts didn’t even make it past the beginning of the show. Do NOT get between a Smithee fan and their snackables!


236 Smithee peeps look a lot like this (plus the side section of peeps that is cut off because of where I was sitting). Wow.


We say the show is not children friendly because it contains nudity, violence and explicit language (often all at the same time) but I’m not sure about the Status of the Smithees and whether it is octopus friendly or not. Does the MPAA have octopus guidelines?

One of my favorite Audience shout out lines came during Anna Nicole Smith’s Worst Actor clip where the row of rowdy U.S.A. chanters hollered out “Hey! Don’t mock the dead!” Then, after the clip had played through a contrite holler from the same area rang out with “OK, I was wrong. Mock the dead.” HEE! Ahhh Anna.


But of course, we hit Pizza House afterwards for the traditional BOOZ and FOOD!


Hey look! It’s us! Hi us!


Last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Wasa Beef Potato Chips

Last last year at the booniverse: Sweet nothing for you.

The year before at the booniverse: Good golly! My new blank ballots come in all sorts of tasty colors too, very shiny. I approve.

The year before that at the booniverse: You are… A Coffee Maker! Cups not included!

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