Blogging Buffet

A little bit of everything

You know what’s cracking my shit up today? Ants. One of the IT guys stopped by this morning and was telling me about a ranting phone call he got. I guess one of the quasi up and ups is having a bit of an ant infestation in his office and the ants, being the cold blooded little critters that ants are, found his nice toasty warm printer one of the bestest places. That is until he printed something at which point they got sucked into the paper path and printed right along with whatever. OK, so far that is pretty damn funny all by its lonesome (this printer prints like ANTS!). Here you are sitting in your office firing off memos and as they start shooting out of the printer you discover three or four ants mooshed onto each page.

So the ant dude calls the IT guy and screams at him to replace the ant printer. He needs a new printer! Can’t the IT guy see that? This one prints like ANTS! The IT guy was trying to tell the ant dude that the printer wasn’t the problem, the ants were but oh no! Ant dude was having none of it. He needed a replacement printer pronto! It probably never occurred to him that a new printer would also be warm and would attract the ants just like the old one. I bet all the printers this guy has ever had have sucked; they all print ants. Heh, OK that’s funny. I wonder if Raid makes a printer.

Hey! They ran the Preakness this past weekend! Damnit, first I totally miss the Derby, then the Preakness sneaks on by and pretty soon I’ll look in the paper one Monday and go “Oh, damnit they ran the Belmont, I wanted to watch that.” I used to try to catch all three races and was particularly keen on Derby so I always had a notion of when it was but this year I was without a clue. I just happened to notice a picture of a horse in the NYT and I thought “Hey, horses. It’s getting close to Derby time…I wonder what weekend that is going to be…oh…say that’s the picture of the Derby winner. I guess it was.” I was really bummed. Looks like it could be a triple crown winner this year too which would be the first in 25 years (1978 Affirmed, thankyouverymuch. HA to all you people who doubted my facts. 25 year draught y’all, look it up). Oh, hey Affirmed died a couple of years ago. I didn’t know that (although it makes sense…25+3 year old horse = very old). So June 7th I’m going to be plopped down in front of the TV rooting Funny Cide on. GO FOR THE GOLD!

Hee, OK this is way better than ants. I, in my usual spelling mode, typed in Belmont Steaks to find the date of the race rather than Belmont Stakes and do you know what popped up? A restaurant! It that where the 13th-15th place horses go? I wonder if the restaurant is located right next to the track. Get your steaks fresh and hot!

TheMan was sick this weekend with the most outrageous head cold I have ever seen. He was leaking cold fluids out of his ears he was so stuffed up. Man, that is hard core head cold right there. I’ve had the 13 gallons of snot nose and the exploding head sinus thing and have had my ears so stuffed up it hurts to think but I have never had so much goo in my head that it came out my ears. Harsh.

So naturally he was in a good mood.

If our marriage fails it will be because I killed him when he was sick grumpy. At that point I’m running off to Canada or Venezuela or someplace so if I stop updating, you will know TheMan has relapsed and I have thumped him in the head for being a cranky butt. He’s on the mend and guess what? No guess! Becha can’t figure out whose throat is getting scratchy and whose sinuses are all burbely. I bet you also can’t guess who is right pissed at this pseudo cold that hasn’t taken hold yet and gotten itself over with.

Sunday I was bitchy cranky (although provoked in several cases. Asses, all of you!) and yesterday I was tired all over for no good reason but it wasn’t until late in the evening when I noticed the scratchy throat that I was certain that I’d caught something. Joi. And because this cold thing is taking its stupid time to incubate I bet it kicks into gear about Thursday night. Just in time to have a nice doozie of a head cold as we head up north. I’m calling it my annual Memorial Day head cold as last year when we went up I was all stuffed about the head. No doubt it will be a balmy sunny 45 degrees and Mom Q will insist we go out hiking Sugarloaf because it’s such a nice day and I’ll up and die of head cold complications. So yeah, if I’m not updating then most likely someone is dead.

Damnit! We are out of NyQuil too.

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