I am having a fat day to end all fat days. I swear I’ve gained at least a wardrobe size today just sitting at my desk and that never makes one feel like a princess. At noon o’clock I was thinking “Dayum, I need to…like…not eat anything ever again cuz baby got BACK!” and then at 2pm it was all “WTF?!? I don’t remember having that roll of fat at lunch time, where’d THAT come from?”

Dude, I think I’ve crossed over into love safety harnesses. How is it possible to fatten up that much in the space of a couple hours?

I’m sort of grouchy about it too because I think I’ve been doing pretty OK on the eating front. In packing my lunches (hey! Being good to the wallet front too, bonus!) I’ve been trying to accomplish a couple healthy goals: First, I’m packing a fruit serving and a veggy serving so that I get at least one of my fruits and veggys a day in. I’m terrible about that if I don’t take the time to plan out my froots and veggies. I’m also attempting to pack a 700 to 1000 calorie eats (which I munch on throughout the day) and then figure dinner will round out the day at 1800 – 2000 total calories. Currently I’m not getting all calorie Nazi on dinners but I am watching my portions so that I don’t go woofing down a whole goat or whatever. And also I’m lazy.

Speaking of lazy, I’ve been rather amused when it comes to scavenger eats at work. Someone brought in a cake the other day and while it looked mighty tasty, I was too much of a couch Cheeto to ferret out the stats on-line so I decided to not have a piece. I’d rather forgo the tasty cake than to have to look up how many calories it has on teh intertubes. Lazy is as Lazy does. Doesn’t. Whatever. Pretty much I’m sticking with stuff I’ve already looked up so I don’t have to go looking up something new. Or stuff that I have the info for at home so all I have to do is look at the package. Apparently scrounging around the box, doing portion math and actually measuring out said portions is less work than: Google-Calorie count X item-Note down results. Maybe it’s because I have to fire up a computer first in order to do that. Hmmm.

I’m also weirdly addicted to a cup o’ cottage cheese with a nice hat of rooster sauce. I’m a ketchup and cottage cheese kind of gal because really? Cottage cheese is nasty on its own. Don’t mind it in lasagna (cheap bastard!) or with ketchup but plain or with a lettuce leaf or froots? Blech. I think I must have accidentally added rooster sauce to the cottage cheese one day and woah. That was some good stuff! No, I mean really good. Now I’m all “Ketchup, whatevah. Hand me the hot sauce!” I’ve gone through a bottle of the stuff since my discovery and that’s not really quite right. A whole bottle! Maybe I need help.

By the way, I’m becoming quite the fan of crunchy granola bars lately. First of all, they say “Serving size: 2 bars” and lo! One package of crunchy granola bars contains two bars. Simple, fun, easy. I hate, Hate, HATE when the packaging says blah blah calories per serving and it seems remarkably reasonable. 100 calories for this snack pack of chips? Really? That’s cool! Then the info stuff says, in smaller letters, serving size 2.5 or 5 servings per package. I expect that sort of thing in, say, a box of cereal but in a bag of chips the size of a paperback book? I don’t think so. Case in point: my ramen last night came “2 servings per package”. Who cooks up half a brick of ramen? What, are there people out there who carefully meter out half the sauce packet too? That really torques my nads to no end. Just put 500 calories or 780 calories per package if it’s going to be one of those single package things. And don’t be kidding anyone either. Nobody ever plans to drink just two fifths of a bottle of pop when they pick up one of those 16 ounce size jobbers from the check out lane. Mark it like it’s used and suck it up already about the plethora of calories that your product has. MmmKay? Thanks.

Oh say, I started that paragraph out about granola bars and sort of went off on a nut didn’t I? Well the other thing I wanted to add was that granola bars (specifically the oats and honey flavor) are mighty tasty and have them some fiber too. Fiber’s good right? Hey allow me my delusions; one can not live on cottage cheese and rooster sauce alone. No matter how much one might want to. Mmmm, rooster sauce.

Last year at the booniverse: First, may I give myself a nice pat on the back for getting all but one half load of laundry done? I think I shall.

Last last yearat the booniverse: That evening we pressed 100ish buttons and Sunday we pressed 100ish magnets and lo! The Smithee promo prep was done. (Technically the unfinished sock puppet isn’t on the promo stuff list so HA!)

The year before at the booniverse: The row shuffle looked like auditorium space invaders but we successfully got 11 rows of chairs to more or less uniformly advance by a whole row.

The year before that at the booniverse: I got a tie. A TIE! I lost and got a tie.

One Response to “Blergh!”

  1. Kevin Says:

    Dangit! Once again, I forgot to send your cottage cheese home with you!

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