The Friday Five 8/3/07

Or Five Things My Momma Taught Me…what the hell is wrong with some of you people!!!

Now my Momma ain’t no Miss Manners, but she did know how to raise her girls up right. She taught us certain niceties that seem to be lacking in this day and age. Or maybe it’s just where I live. Anyway! Onward!

1. The guy who takes the last piece has to also take care of the container.

Say there is a tasty cake/treat/slab o’ meat in some sort of pan/plate/box sitting on the counter for all to eat. It’s a really, really tasty looking whatever it is and you really, really want a piece but there is only one piece left. You can have that piece BUT! it is also your responsibility to take care of the plate/pan/box. It’s sort of your penance for denying anybody else that tasty last piece of whatever. So. Don’t just stuff your piggly little face and walk off because that plate/pan/box isn’t going to up and haul itself over to the sink or into the trash can. You’re a growed ass adult (most of you anyway)- deal with the unpleasantries of empty plates/pans/boxes.

2. Pour yourself a glass, don’t drink out of the container.

I’ll admit, this doesn’t really come up that often but it’s still a pretty good axiom to live by. Especially if there are multiple people in living in your abode because someone else’s lip prints on the OJ? Nasty. You know, I had this drilled so far into my head that when I lived alone I still went and poured myself a glass of whatever. Even when I’m going to have the last little bit of drink, I still pour it into a glass. Otherwise that voice in my head that sounds remarkably like my mother starts yammering “What do you think you’re doing? Put the container down and get a glass!” I have to ask though, did we do a lot of drinking out of the container in my youth?

3. Use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.

You would think that pleases and thank yous wouldn’t be a big thing but some people just have no clue. I’ll admit, I’m bad about the ‘please’ because I’m always thinking it in my head yet a lot of time I forget to actually say it. The ‘thank you’ though, I’m pretty good with. At least I have one of them down. Anyway, it’s just two words (well, 3 technically) that can go a really long way when interacting with people. Flies and honey and all that. Plus, you look like a jerk when someone does something nice and you blow them off.

4. Don’t assume the line starts with you.

I’m not sure my momma taught me this per se, but crimony some people’s mommas are totally falling down on the job. If you walk into some place where there usually or most likely will be a line and there are some people there already, ask them if they are in line. If they say yes, then get your ass behind them. You would not believe how many people I’ve seen breeze by someone standing in line and belly up to the counter all important like. What’s with that?

5. Clean up after yourself.

This is sort of a corollary to number one but it still bears saying. The world isn’t your mom and won’t go picking up after you when you toss that can *near* the recycle bin or lob that wad of gum *by* the trash can or, my personal pet peeve, flick that cigarette butt out the car window. Come on, be an adult and take the time to put trash where it goes because nobody else wants to touch your grody, poorly discarded things. This also goes for you dog walkers out there: If pooch drops a load then you pick it up. Don’t just walk by like nothing happened cuz your dog’s log aint going to up and fade in the wind. Have you ever mowed the lawn and run over a fresh dog poo? Yuck. And keep in mind, I know of somebody who got so fed up with a poo leaver that he stormed out of his house and lobbed the fresh poo back at the dog walker. I say, it serves the dog walker right.

The ants’ momma taught them right. Nice orderly lines and no cutting.

Last year at the booniverse: I think a couple nights ago she saved us from certain doom at the hands of purple cow and last night she vanquished the dastardly plaid catnip cat.

Last last year at the booniverse: Well, it seemed totally reasonable. He forgot my yo-thing so I figure he owes me eats right?

The year before at the booniverse: Please accept my apologies for not updating.

The year before at the booniverse: thank you.

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