Queen of the Ogres

You know…when I said “Rain, rain go away. Come again another day.” I wasn’t offering an invitation. Crimony! Sunday it rained, rained, rained, rained and then for fun it rained some more. Monday is was still raining because according to the bible, God only promised that he’d never again make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights straight. He never said anything about 39 and a half days of rain. It was raining so enthusiastically around 10am this morning that it was pitch black outside and I mistook a thunder clap for an HVAC worker falling down the vents (from about 12 stories up).

At least during the drive in it wasn’t exactly raining. There was a malevolent rolling fog bank lurking at 40 or so feet up and the air was moistly thick, but no actual rain was falling. Instead the fog, which was really a blanket of humidity, would occasionally splat a droplet onto the windshield. Not a rain droplet, mind you, but a humidity droplet. Ugh. Other than the one time I got caught in a San Francisco fog bank, it’s the most humid I’ve ever seen a day get. Then, after the raging storm, the sun came out all brilliantly perky and the metric ton of moist hazed around par boiling people for the rest of the afternoon. I hate August.

Last night, during the rain, we dittered around in Warcraft with the big guys. I had this crazy notion to knock out some of my quests because we’re forever doing damn instances and having to pick up all the instance quests. Which I never have any room for in my quest log because it’s all full of the area quests. Which I never get to do because we’re always doing freekin instances. So I thought I’d just hop on, wrap up a couple of quests lickety-bamn and then maybe sign on with a lowbie and putter around doing lowbie stuff. No worries! A level 70 toon ought to make short work of some 65ish quests right?

Right! So I picked out the first quest in my log and headed out to kill a bunch of X ogres. Piece of cake. The difference in firepower between a level 65 and a level 70 is pretty amusing and plus a level 70 gets a flying mount. No more follow this road over the river and through a camp of bad guys. Screw that, I’m going as the crow flies and avoiding everything. Level 70 wrocks.

However, I forgot that one of the things we did as a group a while back got us in tight with the ogres. This something-or-other whatever it was tickled the ogres so pink that they made us all kings and queens of their tribe. They even threw a little ogre party and did the happy ogre dance for us. Wheee! And all fun and good in the normal Warcraft world where you are supposed to have already done the “screw with the ogre” line of quests. Which I hadn’t because I hang with a bunch of crazy instance loving freaks and never got a chance to kill a whole bunch of ogres or poison their food or filch their tribal artifacts before being elevated to queenhood.

Ooooo. Didn’t see that coming. Ouch. It did make it super easy to stroll into their villages and knock off the ones I needed for the quest since the ogres were not predisposed to killing their queen on sight. On the other hand, they kept saying things like “You were a terrible queen” or “Honorable Queen…has…murdered me” when they died. Then there were the guilty conscience ogres who would simply say “Does the queen think that there really is an ogre heaven?” before keeling over. Stupid game, made me feel like a heel for walking in all “Hi, I’m your queen. And also, I’ll need to poison your food MmmKay? Great!”

In non Warcraft murderous Ogre Queen news, I cooked up a bunch of chicken stock with fresh herbs and a hot pepper from my garden. Damn garden eating rodents won’t touch the peppers so we have plenty of those about. Little fuzzy rodent fuckers. Anyway, I highly recommend tossing in a chopped up jalapeño pepper if you are making soup stock because is was the Bomb! Spicay.

Last year at the booniverse: I also make a terrible blogger.

Last last year at the booniverse: Besides, TheMan was having himself a nice tubby soak and that would have been just awkward doing my foots thing while he was in the tub.

The year before at the booniverse: JSFR: Wasabi Peas.

The year before that at the booniverse: I suppose TheMan was the last person I had a crank with (which is slightly different than an argument in that there is really no basis or logic for my being cranky so everything pisses me off) but it was more likely a hormonal or lack of sleep outburst which I tend to do now and then.

One Response to “Queen of the Ogres”

  1. Sean K. Says:

    “I mistook a thunder clap for an HVAC worker falling down the vents (from about 12 stories up).”

    Hmm, perhaps you’ve been watching too many Overkill clips from bad movies.

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