Clever Crafty Blurbit Hook! You know you want to read the rest of it.

So yeah, I cheated and posted the Friday Five as yesterday even thought it went up today because I did not get back until today this morning so I couldn’t have posted yesterday’s Five yesterday. Ummm, did you follow that? Good. What did I just say? Ow my brain.

We woke up late yesterday. I mean late. Like we have to be at DQs in one hour late and we were going over there for dinner! Yeah, that late. Anyway, so we buzzed over to Meijers to get fixings for dessert as DQ was nice enough to invite us over for a 4th of July grillin. Aint nothing as nice and yummy traditional as a cook out on Independence day, you know? So we bunched on over there with games and lousy movies in tow with a short side stop to The Thrifty Acres for dessert fixins. Oh, and fire works. We dropped $40 on two packs of fireworks and happily zoomed over to the Hose of DQ.

She had bought a new grill and was itching to try it out so we had chicken burgers (which I sorta let get a tad crispy watching them but they were good crispy. Shut up, they were awesome crispy!) and spicy Italian Turkey brats. Yum! It was a beautiful day for eating out too since it had rained earlier so that temperature wasn’t so incredibly hot yet it had rained early enough that it wasn’t oppressively humid. We ate in the shade (it was still a little too hot to be munching in the sun) and gabbed until we decided it was time to go in and play some games.

We played Deadwood for a bit, then watched a movie (Code Hunter). Unfortunately, it was a pretty good movie…more or less or at least above Smithee quality. Pity. It did have some great one liners in it. We then watched Dragon Hunter as it was not yet dark enough to light things on fire and it was raining. Damn rain! Dragon Hunter was much more Smithee-esque and TheMan was able to get four or five category nominations for it. DQ had seen it before but hadn’t imparted the full awfulness of the “split screen of doom” the movie had going for it. Good god, it was like the director couldn’t decide which camera to use, so he used them all! No! No no no no no! Split screen bad! I am not sure which was worse, the sporadic shift from full screen to multiple split screen for…ummm…you know, I really never figured out why we were shown some scenes in multiple and some not. It was that bad. It was so bad, I can’t even remember what I was going to say that was worse than that.

Afterwards, we lit off fireworks. Lots and lots of fireworks. People, it was the best $40 I have dropped in a long time. Damn, that was fun! We got into a routine after a while where DQ watched, I selected and TheMan ignited. The fireworks, not himself. Eventually we drew a crowd of kids who were having all sorts of fun looking on as we organized our show. I’d pick out a firework, call the name out to TheMan, he’d set it up in the street and inform the kids what the name of the firework was and then light it off. The best fireworks come in boxes (versus cylinders), we really liked the Shark ones and the little flash pot fellas were very cool.

After that, we went back in to watch yet another movie which I got to pick out (Narcotic Justice). TheMan has an “Action Pack” of 10 movies so I went for the shortest (75 minutes) because I was all about maybe going home soon. Let me tell you that short isn’t necessarily the least painless. Oi! The movie could have really been about 45 minutes if the director had bothered to edit any of the action scenes so that they were remotely interesting. There was (I am not exaggerating here) a 10 minute “suspenseful” warehouse cat and mouse chase that consisted of a five minute single take of ONE GUY wandering around looking apprehensive, then a cut to the bad guy crawling endlessly through some warehouse pallets of stuff, and then back to the first guy for another two minutes. That’s at most a three minute scene and it better have more than three shots unless you are trying to put your audience to sleep.

The killer was the ending, which had “our hero” Joe Average (that’s his name. Really) standing on the hills above LA pensively staring out into the urban jungle for THREE MINUTES with no narration no nothing., then for whatever reason there is 7 minutes of wrap up shots which show the whole movie again in bits. What?? Man, that sucked mighty ass!

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