The Friday Five!

Heh, no officer I didn’t realize that the cat food wasn’t on the bill! Honest!

1. When was the last time you cheated?

Errrrmmm. Hmmm. I can’t remember. Not that I am good or virtuous or saintly or whatever, I just can’t remember cheating on anything for quite a while. Most likely it was playing solitaire with a real deck of cards. I have ALL SORTS of “impromptu rules” I come up with on the fly so that I don’t get stuck three cards in on the deal. I play the solitaire set up where you deal out the entire deck and move whole stacks of cards here and there and it takes so long to set the damn table up that I will, for the purposes of continuing the game for a little bit, make a temporary extra pile to put a king on or designate “this time only!” that a queen can take a vacant spot. I haven’t played with real cards in about a year though.

Or, the other thing I frequently do is cheat establishments out of change if certain circumstances arise. Most of the time if the bill is wrong and in my favor I’ll say “Hey, I think you forgot something here” and relinquish the cash. However, when the customer service person is being a pervasive dick weed or I have been royally screwed over by the corporation I’ll just walk away with the extra cash and stay moot. I think of it like payment for my aggravation. Let that be a lesson to you service people, don’t mess with the customer!

2. When was the last time you stole?

Hee. I don’t know either unless it was one of those accidental forgot the things under the basket deals. OH! Wait, I did walk out with an entire huge bag of Iams cat food once when the checker forgot to scan it (a $20 value) but the store had pissed me off on some special they were running and mis-representing. So I just said “Fuck it, they just cost me about $20 on this scam deal they have running, now we are even.” and walked on out.

I also have a Tangerine Dream CD I lifted from my sis about 13 years ago but I am considering that common law property now. She doesn’t even realize she once had it, it has been gone that long. Sorry sis.

3. When was the last time you lied?

What do you mean by “lying” exactly? Because I can mis-represent the truth like nobody’s business (it’s the film degree. Really, it taught me to convincingly come up with sound arguments for the most ludicrous things). Like the project I have that I am working on. Sure, I’m working on it if someone asks me even though it’s lying on my fiche reader gathering dust. I’m thinking about it as we speak even. I’ll get it done on time but as far as anyone knows I’m all about that project. It saves a lot of boss aggravation if you tell them you are working on it (and you can get it done on time. Very important that) and leave it at that.

4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another’s property?

Man what is this, the Friday Five Delinquent hour? Alright. Someone else’s property. Well, I did scratch the bug some unloading the trunk the other day. Not on purpose, more like on laziness or on inattention. I was carrying out a large bundle of stuff and as I was walking past I thought “Hmmm, I have a lot of stuff, I hope this clears-“, [screeeet] “oh shoot”.

5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?

Man, I whack TheMan in some body part every day it seems. I think just as recently as last evening I popped him in the forehead trying to put something in the back seat of the bug. I also seem to have pointy fingers and elbows and I am awfully fond of giving TheMan a loving poke in the tum. Sorry babe.

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