Bits and pieces of stuff because I am just not in the mood to craft a coherent story. Deal.

I thought about updating yesterday but I was just not in the mood and cranky as hell and probably still getting over being sick so I said “Screw it, don’t wanna” and huffed out of work. So today I thought I’d write something but I can’t think of some great and funny bit of amusement so I’ll just write the bitlets that have been perking in my head. Maybe I’ll expand them, maybe not. Eh.

First, I had a rant about this cat owner chick who accidentally locked her cat in her pwrescious widdle SUV for 24 hours. So the cat peed on one of the seats and scratched the leather interior of said gas guzzler and the woman is pissed off at the cat. Hell-oo? What did you think was going to happen given the cat was IN A CAR for a whole day. I’m not going to go all PETA on her for locking the cat in the car because these things happen. If you have cats, you gotta keep that third eye out whenever you are opening and closing a door because a cat’s gotta be on the other side of any door. Preferably a door that has previously been closed to the cat. Thems special doors in the cat world! What I’m all cranked about it the lady being mad at the cat like it had some sort of agenda.

Cat Diary

Monday morning: Locked in the car, finally! My diabolical plan can now commence. I shall first start off by scratching the passengers side door. Later I will move to the driver’s side door and some time tonight I shall use the back seat as a litter box. Muahahahaha!

Look lady, it’s a cat. Cat’s have a brain the size of a walnut (and smooth to boot) so if you accidentally lock the beast in the car for a whole day you gotta expect some damage. Gees, a whole day! Suck it up and realize that the majority of the problem was that the cat was locked in the car for A DAY and it’s not like the cat went out and locked itself in the car either. The chick seemed to be a long time cat owner as well so there really is no excuse for her behavior because long time cat owners know to do a cat check before leaving. Given a chance, the little furballs LOVE to get places that they aren’t normally allowed to be. People who can’t take responsibility for their own actions really burn my butt. She’s just lucky I wasn’t the one locked in her car because already today I have hit the can three times and it’s not even lunch. Heh. She gets a resounding FREAK! And we move on.

And segueing from cats to cats, has anyone else’s cats gone completely nuts? The Vande-cat has been all about the love lately, which I admit isn’t too unusual for her, but the following me into every room and speed running to my side whenever she thinks I may have given her the “Come here for a scritch” eye is. She has taken to blitzing into the bedroom if she thinks I am going to go there, hopping up on the bed and doing her “meh” thing. Or there is the hurried clip into the living room and jump on the couch, screw up her face all effort like and “meh” cry for kitty love. Or the ever popular wait at the stairs door just incase the great yonder has eaten cat mom. Although I have never failed to come back down from the great yonder, lately I open the door and there is a little gray cat head looking at me going “meh”.

Isaak is just as bad but funnier. He is all after the love too but too cool to be as desperate as Vande-cat (who has zilch cat pride, BTW). He comes bustin into a room (that I happen to be in) and throws himself onto the highest soft thing around (bed, couch, rocking chair) and does the tummy sprawl of “It’s not like I HAVE to be here, I’m just here for relaxing. Would you look at that other cat? Puh-LEASE” Yeah right cat. He so wants the scritchies. This morning I woke up with one cat perched on my hip and one cat snuggled in my stomach (with TheMan spooned at my back. Trapped I say!). I thought, “Huh, cats.” and went back to sleep. An hour later there were still two cats in the exact same position. THAT’s unusual. Oh yeah, and we discovered that lately Isaak will come whipping onto a room if we call Vande-cat’s name (of course he wont be bothered to come when we call HIS name because he’s a cat and cats don’t come when you call for them). Freaks! Both of them!

You know once we found out that the “I” was full of the green monster, we were calling Vande-cat like there was no tomorrow. Hee. Isaak would be out in the house somewhere and we’d be all “Vaaaaaaaandeee! Oh little Vande-cat!” and mrrrrrrrow FLOOMP an Isaak! We were even waiting until the instant he left the room and then hollering “Liiiiiiittle Kiiiiitty!” just to see him to run back in. And then we would laugh at him. *chucklesnort* Yeah, us? Freaks.

The print shop here is going on this weird jag which may be a symptom of boredom but results in millions of 3 x 4 cut pads of paper in all sorts of fun colors. Happy colors. SHINY! colors. Oooo! Look! You know, I don’t know what it is but every time I go to drop something off or pick something up the sweet siren song of the jewel toned pads calls my name and I have to take one. Really. I have three that are a lovely pastel blue/lavender/yellow/ sequence (why three? Because each one starts with a different pretty color! Look!), one that has a bright yellow/coral/buff thing going, two that are light blue/PINK!/lavender/BLUE! (yeah, again with the different front sheets), one with a red/pumpkin/lavender scheme and lastly a green/buff/mint. Wait, I found another one! Whoo! (pink/pastel pink/YELLOW!). It’s not that I need nine pads of scratch paper but they are soooo shiny! Heh, bonafide shiny happy FREAK!

Goddamnit, Microsoft Word doesn’t recognize bonafied as a real word. What the heck? FREAKS! Who doesn’t have bonafied as a dictionary word? Well true, I could be working with a Dr. Seuss dictionary (and even HE might have used bonafied) but I’m NOT so again…what?!? It’s not like I want to use ubiquitous (which it does have) or scintillating (which it also has) or some other erudite (also in the dictionary) word but bonafied! (Incidentally, MS Word’s dictionary also recognizes Seuss) Like…an a-number one bonafied deal or this car is a bonafied beauty! Freaks FREAKS freaks!

2 Responses to “Freaks!”

  1. dirge Says:

    bona fide, with the space!

    I’d share a freak! story of my own, but I’m generally in said stories, so I’ll go back to pretending to work 🙂

  2. boo Says:

    TheMan e-mailed me the same thing but I looked it up in my Webster’s and it told me bonafide. Grrr! It sucks not being able to spell – and then to go to my trusted Webster and get lies! LIES! But then there is always Microsoft, soft, mockable Microsoft. I’ll never get tired of ranting at Microsoft ‘cus they deserve it 98% of the time. It’s a good hobby!