The Mighty Cricket Hunter

Braving the wilds of the basement and more amphibian love. Oh, yeah and this is my 200th entry. Go me!

I posted elsewhere about my mighty cricket hunting prowess but it boiled down to me being uber squisher in light of yesterday’s cricket debacle. There has been a cricket in our basement all weekend so I decided to hunt him out and squish him before he ate my gi or various other things that are lying about down there that I don’t necessarily want to become cricket snacks. So I did some passive echo location (‘cuz my head does not beep but I can triangulate cricket chirp by walking around and listening) and nailed Mr. Cricket’s hiding place down to under the furnace. He was under there somewhere, not coming out by any means I could think of so I called TheMan to come up (or down I suppose seeings as I was in the basement) with a clever cricket evicting technique and went to do some laundry.

There, unexpectedly and ninja like in his quiet stealth, lay a second unsuspected cricket on my mostly black Hawaiian shirt. An ambush my hand just barely escaped from when I thought to myself “Hey, hibiscus don’t have wavy antenna!” and hesitated a fraction before grabbing the shirt to puzzle out this new oddity. In that one brief moment, Mr. ninja cricket decided to go all wiz bang hoppy cricket crazy on me and freaked the living beegeebus right the hell out of wherever one keeps their beejeebus. I can’t tell you, I don’t have any left. Whoo boy was I doing the unexpected cricket dance and flinging my shirt every which way faster than you can say boo. If there is one thing I can’t stand about bugs, it is them being where I’m totally not expecting them to be.

Of course then I was righteously pissed that the cricket made me so totally lose my cool that I hunted him down and stomped him lightning quick. BAM! Flat half cricket. HA! Wait, it’s still moving-BASTARD! Take that! BAM! Flat whole cricket. I am the mighty cricket hunter! I was also really wigged and unnerved (right for my face! I swear he was just about to jump on my head and eat my eyeballs clean out of my eye sockets!) so when TheMan found a foil and scooted the original furnace cricket out from under its hidey hole I was all about stomping on HIM, until he too did the freaky hoppy killer cricket dance. It was a no go Houston. TheMan had to squish the furnace cricket which was jumping around like Yoda in Episode 2 (but without the lightsaber).

This morning dawned with the familiar chirp of basement cricket so I went hunting with a vengeance. No cricket makes me look like a fool in front of my man. Crickets from here on out will pay, this is war! I found not one, but THREE crickets under a box doing some nefarious cricket thing I am sure. Bastards.

I learned a few things about this morning’s cricket escapade. One: Arm yourself with a suitable squisher before finding the crickets because crickets are fast. However, crickets aren’t that bright so even, say, if you had to go back for an old but solid tennis shoe they don’t get very far from where you originally found them. Two: Foils work great for swishing crickets out from under work benches, dehumidifiers, things of that nature. Don’t use the good foil though. Three: Once you find them start whapping/stomping/spraying whatever it is that you do to kill them. Don’t sight them or try to get in real close or wait for the “sweet” moment, just start thwack thwack thwacking as hard and fast as you can. One of the strikes will eventually land and all the action keeps the cricket confused or stunned. See, crickets do that moment of paralysis when they are discovered so as soon as you see one BAM. That way they don’t have time to get all crack crazy on you and start jumping this way and that. They will even go for your eyes if you hesitate too long!

I was going to write something great and profound for my 200th entry (what?!? The Mighty Cricket Hunter isn’t classic literature?) but the whole stigma of “great and profound” got in the way and I wrote nothing. So instead you get squished crickets. BUT, and there is always a but (because I’m all about the…oh wait) I did accomplish something profound and stupendous this weekend that I think bears worthy 200th entry status: I finished all the origami frogs.

Let’s just let that sentence sit there all by itself a bit shall we?

I finished all the origami frogs.

What a sweet ring those words have. I tell you, that is Nobel material right there folks. That’s all the frogs too as in every frog that had to be folded, peeper of otherwise. Done, they are all done and the best part is that I will never have to fold another animal thing for the tables ever again. I am dancing in my seat even as I write. It made TheMan and I a bundle of entertainment Sunday at the Mumses’s house but I now have a bag of frogs where there once used to be a bag of paper squares. TheMan brought his own wedding project over and we now have fully stamped wedding invites. We totally rock.

We did get to do actual visiting with the Mumses and Mr. Paul which is always a fun time. We played the “What time will dinner really be ready” game which is amusing and manages to piss Mr. Paul off every single time. I think dinner time at the Mumses is more of an abstract concept (much as if one were to designate a time reference as “morning”) rather than a concrete idea so even when a specific time is set the actual time we sit down to eat could be anywhere from 5 minutes to 4 hours later. Of course, because we are all evil and Mr. Paul does the majority of the cooking, every time we run late we take the opportunity to heckle the cook. In the end though, all the dishes are done at once and the meal is always really really tasty.

And if I had posted this weekend that would be all the frogs that I would have to offer but by waiting one extra day I get to tell you about our new purchase! TheMan and I had to quick stop off for Milk, OJ and toothbrushes so we popped over to Bushes. They had a display of stuffed guys including this gigantic toddler sized frog with the saddest expression I have ever seen on a stuffed frog. The Man took an instant liking to the frog and called after me to guess how much they were selling said frog for. I guessed $40, figuring from the gleam in TheMan’s eyes that is was some ridiculously low price, but no. $30! This thing is all but two feet tall sitting down, that’s a damn good price for something that big. Plus, I think it’s a Gund or related to Gund so it has quality going for it as well. Long short, our shopping list altered to look something like: Milk, OJ, Toothbrushes, big assed frog. Hee. We got a gigantic stuffed frog.

One Response to “The Mighty Cricket Hunter”

  1. Meech Says:

    I guess if your head was stuffed into a box of crickets and nailed there, the incessant chirping would eventually drive you insane.

    But unless you’re an ACME Cricket Treat, crickets are totally harmless. Be nice to them 🙂