The New Green Report is


That there isn’t any veggy garden green love yet.

My garden is still not planted because it sucks giant balls of MAD MONKEY WANG! ARRRGH! I want a nice plot of land that I can plop my stuff down into and then watch grow, not a plot of weed choked, violet infused, riot of unyielding greenery. Gardening is hard work! Last year, if you remember, LunarGeography helped me chew out a substantial garden plot which was only supposed to be 16 x 10. Buuuut neither of us can drive a rototiller with that much accuracy so it’s a little bigger than the original plotting. Maybe quite a bit little bigger but whatever. I had a garden!

I also rototilled up all the lawn violets because we have violets in our lawn and that was where I was chewing up my garden plot but I figured that I’d go back and pick out the sod lumps and the violets would be all munched up and dead. Maybe a few would come back but I could yank them and be on with my glorious gardening. However, it seems that if you break a violet’s root into two, you get two violets. If you rototill a violet’s roots into a dozen small pieces, you get a dozen small violets.

Yeah. That took me a little by surprise. Those suckers are festive too with the regrowing when you chew up their roots into bitty bits.

I did manage to reclaim the hot pepper patch and was going to start on the corn when the neighborhood hungry critter denizens came and ate everything but the hot peppers. That’ll take the wind out of your gardening sails right quick. What’s the point in combating the violets and other weeds when there’s nothing left to harvest? None! No point whatsoever! So I did not.

This year, I’m paying for the lapse in gardening vigilance by having to carve out my 15 x 20 garden plot again. It’s a lot harder to weed a giant patch of dirt than it is to pull up grass from a giant patch of lawn. Whoda thunk?

Anyway, LunarGeography came over last night to help me weed out another foot and a half of damned garden because she is awesome. We were supposed to actually be planting but the violets are more insidious than I had first thought and we spent the entire time rump sitting on the dirt and garden clawing out the damned stooped plants. It took me 4 hours to rip up a 15 by 2 foot strip last Friday and that was fairly easy going since most of it was ripping up chunks of turf (Yeah…I’m sorta making the garden bigger. Don’t ask, just smile. Also, if you are in need of hot peppers give me a ring sometime in late July when my hot pepper border should start producing). Last night though? HOLY COW! It’s going to be FOREVER until I have enough room to plant anything. Wow (the expression).

Meanwhile the driveway crew, which would really like to be the garden crew, continues to not be dead. My goal this weekend is to weed up to the old pepper plot (which should be smoother sailing since it has maintained a more or less weed low state) and put the driveway crew into the ground. Now if only the weather would play nice.


2007: I may have also done a little dance of major project accomplishment complete with “I wrock the gardening yo” butt shimmy.

2006: I still love Brits and their Briticisms. Rath-arh! Tut-tut! I still don’t understand cricket.

2005: Fortunately, they do not have opposable thumbs and the house was still standing.

2004: When you go up north, you gotta stop here and get you some whitefish fresh from the lake.

2003: Oh yeah, and learn to BS with style and sincerity. It’s the most valuable skill I came away with in college.

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