King Ghidorah: My Three Heads

The intrepid photo journalist Mr. Paul catches Monster Zero about to open a can of Whoop-Ass on Godzilla.

The thing I love about Godzilla is his crazy-assed tail. You got this big Guy In A Rubber Suit creature stomping all over a tiny model Tokyo while a second guy moves the tail around via a long fishing pole or what have you and it never really looks like the two are on the same page. Here’d be Godzilla all stompin and breathing radioactive breath and behind him there’d be this tail going googliegoogliegooglie with no thought or reason to the monster action. It always looked like Godzilla and his tail were two separate entities that were attached at the butt.

So, when I saw Godzilla vs. Monster Zero for the first time you know I was instantly in love. Here was a rubber suit guy with two googlie tails PLUS three heads on fishing pole strings. He didn’t know what was going on. Left head going this way, right head going that way, middle head wondering what the hell the tails were doing and still Monster Zero managed to kick Godzilla’s ass. Oh yeah he did. It took Rodan, Mothera worm AND Godzilla to defeat my googlie headed bad boy crazy alien monster.

TheMan and I are having an argument about just that. Badmovie and LunarGeography got us Godzilla and King Ghidorah (Monster Zero. I can never remember the Japanese name for him so I always tend to refer to him as Monster Zero) beenie babies and of course I was all over Monster Zero. Rarh! TheMan was all about the Godzilla and was quite offended that I told him my Monster Zero could so totally kick his Godzilla’s ass up one and down the other. He’s in denial. But it did lead to this bizarre conversation of the entity(ies) known as Ghidorah’s left head, Ghidorah’s right head and Ghidorah’s middle head.

Left Head: Hey, we have no hands!
Right Head: Good observational skills there, detective.
Left Head: When did that happen?
Right Head: Hello-ooo
Middle Head: Hey look guys, we have wings. [flap]
Right Head: Who controls the wings?
Left Head: I thought you did.
Right Head: I thought you did, especially after that last landing.
Middle Head: Actually, I control the wings. You really didn’t like that last landing?
Right Head: Pffft, yeah. Like maybe if I was a meteor.
Middle Head: Well I might do better if I could concentrate on flapping but whenever you two fight I get distracted.
Left Head: Oh good, you went and got him upset again.
Right Head: He’s always upset. It’s a constant state of being. What was that?
Middle Head: Please, guys, can’t we get along?
Left Head: Well *I* have no complaints about your flying.
Right Head: Oh good, suck up to middle head.
Left Head: Hey, no need to get down on the middle guy here. So he biffed a landing. Big deal.
Right Head: Yeah and he probably might have made it too if we didn’t have this gigantic ass that we had to haul up into the air. Maybe you ought to add “No” to your vocabulary when second helpings of natives come around.
Middle Head: Do you think our ass is fat?
Left Head: Oh, but those people are tasty. Chewy on the outside and crunchy in the middle. Mmmmm.
Middle Head: No really. Do we look fat?
Left Head: No we don’t.
Right Head: What the hell is going on?
Middle Head: Are you sure? Because I think I have been feeling a little bloated lately-
Left Head: What?
Right Head: Nothing. Oh shut up about the bloating-
Left Head: Hey! I thought I told you to leave him alone already.
Middle Head: Hey guys, ummm, lets go find some buildings to stomp. Remember last time? We had a lot of fun stomping the train station.
Right Head: Oh. Yeah. “Fun”.
Left Head: Mmmm…passengers.
Right Head: It was loads of fun when old lizard-butt and his friend bird brain came over.
Middle Head: No not that time-
Right Head: What is going on back there?
Left Head: Like you remember any of it Mr. “Knocked out by a worm”
Middle Head: Where?
Right Head: Don’t get started with me Mr. Munchie.
Left Head: I’ll start what I want-
Right Head: What the-Who’s doing all that crazy shit with the tails?
Left Head: We have tails?

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