The Great Turkey Fiasco of 2002

Tread lightly where food is concerned at my house.

It all started with the mumses sending an e-mail food roll call for Thanksgiving dinner. She and Mr. Paul were going to do the turkey, I was going to do the stuffing and the Sis was going to bring dessert. Of course I said something about the potatoes and how mumses has dinked with them until they are unrecognizable so now TheMan and I are bringing potatoes (dammit, I like my tatters raw and wriggl-wait…). Then everything got sorta surreal:

MUMSES: This is as far as I am on the plans.

Arrival and pre-holiday festivities 12:00 to 1:00

Dinner served 3:00

Mr. Paul –Turkey

Boo and TheMan-Dressing, Mashed Potatoes (remember, deep fried turkey has no gravy)

Sis and Husband-Cheesecake

Mumses-Rutabagas, Cranberries, Pecan Pie, maybe glazed carrots

If anyone is interested in other veggies or salad that would be ok with me.

Have I got it right?

MR. PAUL: Yes. We can do canned gravy for those who want it.

SIS: Canned gravy? Are my eyes deceiving me? Seems a little unorthodox – canned cranberries I can understand, but Gravy?!?!? Have you gone mad?

ME: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT… I need gravy to make the stuffing tastiest anyway, I’ll cook a damm small turkey bird thing and BRING real from the drippings gravy. Sheesh. Now about those canned cranberries…. (yummmmmmm)

MR. PAUL: I can cook the turkey the traditional way and I’ll deep fry another time. It should be a big deal.

SIS: I actually don’t care about the gravy much… I was just surprised that the words “from a can” were actually being considering in that household. Fried Turkey is fine, no gravy or canned gravy is fine. I will survive, the sun will still rise.

ME: I’ve never had deep fried turkey. Hee, I was trying to be funny…guess it came out wrong. Sorry all. I’ll still cook a little bird for TheMan and I to nibble on (so you alls have more turkey leftovers) so I can have some drippings to work with in the stuffing. It really is tastier with than without drippings and making gravy is a snap (I already have a bird breast in the freezer anyhow, no big deal). I’m all for the deep fried turkey, always wondered about them. Don’t change your plans, I’ll come with turkey drippings for my stuffing and make gravy out of the rest of them.

Oh yeah, and taters, but you all know I am all about keeping the taters and gravy separate anyhow so no gravy for my taters didn’t faze me at all.

So who’s bringing the canned cranberries? They can be from a can right? Don’t they grow in cans?

SIS: I was trying to be funny about the canned gravy to begin with. Lesson Learned: Do NOT kid about food with this group!

Yes, they grow in cans. They are strange cylinder shaped berries. It originates from the Latin word canberries. It’s a very little know fact. I’m the only one who knows it. The R was added in the 20th century upon the invention of the can opener and the noise it makes ‘rrrrrr’.

THEMAN: Ah… I have fond memories of the great canned cranberry harvests of the olden days… The huge tin-plated can harvesters clanking ominously through the boggy cranberry fields, dotted with the gleaming cylindrical crops. Down by the farmhouse the hired hands were ready with pots of paste and labels, waiting for the first batch to be delivered…

SIS: the ‘r’ was added due to the electric can opener. They were called crankberries with the hand can opener. Prior to that they were called



Hee! If that doesn’t make you giggle…cBLAMberries. I almost wet my pants when I figured it out (took me a minute of cblamberries…cblamberries OH! cBLAMberries-Hee!) and to this day it makes me smile. So there you have it, the Great Turkey Fiasco of 2002 averted and the origin of cranberries. For the record, we did have deep fried turkey and it was awesome AND it only took about 2 hours at most. Bonus. The potatoes were outstanding (thankyouverymuch) and everything else, including the canberries were delicious.

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