Ich werde etwasirgand für Käse und andere sache daß ich kann nicht jetzt sagen.

Hello! Today’s wonderful topic for your intellectual edification is…ummm…well I don’t have one yet. Maybe I’ll talk a little about new year’s resolutions. I usually don’t make new year’s resolutions because I am of the opinion that why just pick the new year for doing whatever it is you want to do? I’ll agree it’s a good starting point and easy to remember but what if you fail to start or keep up with the resolution come February? Do you wait until next year? I say start whenever and go from there.

My trouble is with the “starting” part. I want to start eating healthy. I want to start exercising regularly. I want to start trying to regain my German fluency. I want to learn to play flute. I want to learn how to speak and read Japanese. I want to work on my martial arts basics (whew, and do they ever need work!), I want to figure out what the heck is up with Third Edition, I want to cook more, I want to watch more of my DVDs, I want to read more classics or even just more in general, I want to go back to school and get a second bachelors, I want to teach, I want my house to be somewhat clean all the time and I want to have a life too. I am not sure I can fit it all in and still have time to be a lazy butt because lets face it, I am dreadfully sloth like by nature.

I think this gets me down sometimes. I look at my list of wants and a lot of them are things I used to do but gave up on. I was once about 80% fluent in German and I actually had one of those language epiphanies where I found myself in a lecture understanding words in German without having to first translate them into English in my head. It’s been twelve years since I was actively using the language and now I have lost so much vocabulary that I cant even properly construct a simple sentence like “I’d do anything for cheese” (which, incidentally, the Germans have no grammatical way of phrasing like that. Instead you would have to say something more along the lines of “There is nothing I would not do for cheese” which is an entirely different animal). This is depressing.

It’s depressing that I cant read music well anymore, it’s depressing that I haven’t read a book in a couple of years when I used to go through them like they were candy, it’s depressing that I have been studying martial arts for seven years and my basics are on par with someone in their second year and most of all it’s depressing to think that if I had put a little more effort into half of these things that I wouldn’t be sitting here writing about how depressing it is to have lost the ability to do a lot of them. Which is a really darn depressing thought.

Long ago I adopted a rule of “Don’t dwell on the past” and it has served me pretty well over the years. If I started thinking about all the things I can’t do anymore or that I haven’t done yet I would be hopelessly down on myself so I just don’t think about them. Well, I don’t think about them in terms of I haven’t done them yet but rather like I haven’t yet done them. It’s a very slight difference but man option two is a whole lot less depressing than option one. If I spent my time mulling over all the years that have passed in which I hadn’t started any of my goals I’d be a gibbering idiot somewhere crying about all the time I have wasted doing nothing yet. Bleh on that, I get depressed enough about things not of my control, I’d rather not be all upset about things I can control.

Unfortunately I have discovered that yet just isn’t enough. It’s good for getting things started and not feeling bad that, say, twelve years have gone by without anything being accomplished but I need to learn to keep the effort going until I have established a routine. That’s where I break down on my resolutions. It’s rewarding to start something but very tough to keep it going through that period where it isn’t quite ingrained into my life. A day missed here, a bit of cheating there and suddenly I’m back to yet again and another year goes by where nothing is accomplished.

Gah, this is getting incredibly melancholy which is not at all where I wanted to go with it. It does explain, at least to me, why people give up on resolutions year after year if they are thinking about all that failure baggage but I certainly did not want to get all depressing and whatnot about it. Sorry about that, I blame my advanced aging. Heh. Anyway I think I wanted to say that there are a lot of things I still want to do but haven’t yet and someday I’m going to as soon as I get on the stick and start doing them. Oh, and also that I know that I need to stick with them otherwise they don’t stick (hee, I’m beginning to sound like a fortune cookie!). And lastly, I wanted to say that this year I did make two resolutions and while the whole exercising thing is getting off to a rocky start but at least a start, the food thing is started and becoming an ingrained thing. It’s pretty nice to be bee bopping along and looking forward to my next salad or veggie munchie rather than lamenting the lack of sweeties or excess carbs in the diet. Go me!

And you know, I think I may just go home and drag out my German flash cards. Jawoll!

Leave a Reply