The Friday Five (12/5)!

What’s with this no Friday Five again? How am I going to polish my l337 lame posting slikkz (yo)? (You know, the typo looks funnier than what I should have written, which was “sKiLLz” but written just plain skillz and not all up and down like that. I thought I might clarify since sKiLLz also looks like it might fit. I like Slikkz though. Ph33r my mad l337 slikkz!) So it looks like I am going to have to turn on the creative juices and do some creatin’ today instead of just my usual happy lemming like question answering.

You know, I really do like Friday Five days and not because someone else does the topic gathering (although that is nice in a “Yea! I don’t have to do the thinking” way). I like them because sometimes they make me think about things I might not otherwise write. It’s a bit of refresher juice to think about things that you might not think of on a normal day. Stuff like “Who would play your life movie” or Naming songs/movies/purchases or your basic “What if questions”. I could do without what sort of eggs do you prefer but I can’t have everything my way.

Or can I? OK! I just thought of a Friday Five (or maybe a Friday Three) all by myself!

1. If I were in charge of my work department, what is one thing I would change?

I would change around the time management so that things ran smoother than they do. My boss seems to never have enough time to do admin work along with her Librarian work so I’d shuffle things around a bit so she wasn’t so rushed. I’m not sure if this would mean a reassigning of duties, hiring another Librarian, altering the way the system works or reorganizing my boss’s way of thinking. Whichever method works best to free up more time for my boss to get to all the things she needs to get to so that she doesn’t retroactively micromanage would be my goal.

She has a tendency to do that (and I suspect she does it with more than just me) because she is so busy doing stuff that is more important, yet she has definite ideas about the little stuff too, which she doesn’t have time to get around to until they are done. Wrong. The other Librarians are pressed for time too on occasion so this wouldn’t be such a bad wish overall.

2. If I were in charge of my town, what is one thing I would change?

Hmmmm! Well, technically I live in one town and work in the other but my home town is really more like my work town light. I’ll go with changing my work town because I settled here for that town. So lets see. What one thing would I change? Ahhhh! So many small annoyances that I’d love to fix but my one change should be a worthwhile change. Wishing that the ass drivers and ass pedestrians get their act together is maybe two things and not so important in the long run, really. Although it would make MY life so much happier if everyone on the road was polite and thoughtful.

OK, roads. My one thing would be to make the roads much more people friendly. That would include people in cars, people on bikes and people on foot so there would have to be a lot of changes. My first change is to widen all of the roads and all of the tiny, tiny parking lots (I’m looking at you Whole Foos! Don’t think I’m not!). Next, I’m going to smooth out all the roads so they are nice to drive on. I’m going to include bike lanes and over/under street people crossings.

Next, I am going to enforce some rules to get people thinking along the lines of my new “Happy Road People” policy. J-walking is going to be heavily ticketed until people learn that there is one legal crossing point (look it up in the traffic laws, peds!). You shouldn’t have to be crossing in the middle of any street (especially with my new ped walks that are above or below traffic) after my changes. Anyone who does is just a lazy ass and can pay the fine.

Bikers are not going to be allowed on the sidewalks (I think it is illegal for them to be there anyway) because now they have nice wide, safe bike lanes to bike on (that go everywhere they would usually go so no one is restricted from anywhere they would have gone before). Bikers riding where they aren’t supposed to and bikers not obeying traffic laws (because bikers have to obey traffic laws, it is sort of the law you know) are going to be heavily ticketed until they stop that crap. I know there are good bikers out there (Hi Kurt, Hi Dagowski! *wave*) but most of them bike like ass. I can not even begin to think of how many bikers I have seen taking the pedestrian route when convenient or taking the car route when convenient. Hey! The road is not your convenience way bub! Everyone has to use it, show some respect.

Cars. Oh My God! Where to begin? Parking. This city is so very under parking-spaced it is bordering on travesty. Last year the U created 500 more parking spaces (whooo) and hired 2000 more employees. Maybe I might give a break to commuters to encourage fewer cars in the city. I might also encourage smaller cars because DAMN! What is the need for all the SUV 4×4 monster truck things of doom? It’s a CITY for Christ’s sake, you don’t need a Hummer (and yes, there are more than one original Hummer AND a couple Hummer IIs here in the “alps” of the Midwest. Riiiight).

You know, I own an extended bed full sized truck myself and I hate driving it in this city. The other day when TheMan and I split up shopping I made him take the bug to Whole Foos to pick up 15 pumpkins because I was NOT going to try and park the Beast in that lot. They have valet parking AT A GROCERY STORE because it is that difficult to navigate the thing. I have a hard time driving and parking the bug whenever I go there so a truck was way out. There is no need for the abundance of mammoth vehicles in this city. None. Give the small car people a tax break and fuck the SUV drivers when they whine.

“But Jr. needs his-” NO. “But I can’t function-” NO. Just no, no, no, no. NO. Contractors? Yes. Soccer moms? Oh come on. I see a million soccer mom vehicles at those games, I don’t think anyone is driving more than just their kid. It’s all a ruse. If they used their vehicles, that would be another thing entirely. I’m all in favor for Mrs. Soccer Mom Smith having the vehicle to end all vehicles IF she is the designated soccer driver all the time but then Mrs. Soccer Mom Jones and Mrs. Soccer Mom Brown shouldn’t ALSO be driving around in their Expeditions.

Expect a whole pile load of tickets too, you ass drivers. Oh, you know who I am talking about. Cars that get in biker’s and ped’s faces? Points, babE, points right the hell on your license. Remember the quote from Starman that goes something like “Red light means stop, green light means go, yellow light means go very, very fast”? Nuh-uh. Not happening. Yellow light means slow the hell down. If you are late, leave earlier next time and here’s a ticket for going over the speed limit AND through a yellow light.

Tail gating is also going to be a ticketing offence. TheMan has gone through a few borderline orange lights because some ass sitting three feet off his back bumper. They just push you through the light, bastards. I rarely have that trouble in the truck but I leave my trailer hitch in and it hangs out about 4 inches from the bumper right at hood level. Don’t mess with me!

Drive in my town, you drive nice!

3. If I were in charge of my state, what is one thing I would change?

Hmmm! I would see if there is anything I can do about the economy in the northern regions. A good 80(?)% of the state’s wealth is centered in the lower half leaving some pretty rank conditions out in the wilds. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it but that’s what I’d like to see. Some of the people up north live in borderline (or across it) poverty while the “Points” have the standard three Christmas trees up in their 20 room mansion which has all been decorated by the hired staff that aren’t planning the social events or washing the caddies.

That sounds rather communistic no? It’s not that I mind the “Points” really but I think some of the money that floats around these parts should go towards bringing up the standard of living to something a little more decent than being doomed to a minimum wage job the rest of your life. There are quite a few towns where that’s what you live for, maybe get a manager position if you work your tail off. I hate seeing people limited because they don’t have any opportunities.

4. If I were in charge of my country, what is one thing I would change?

Ouch…so…many…things…brain…beginning…to…overload. OK, First and foremost I think we need to quit the “Our country is better than your country” crap we have going. Oh we do too, ESPECIALLY with Dubya at the helm. Yehawww! He is a whole pack of problems right there but ultimately we need a much better foreign policy no matter who is in office. The US is not the only country out there and more often than I am wont to admit we certainly act like it. We need a foreign policy that doesn’t change with the whim of the current heads of government.

I have a quote on my sig file that states “America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.” (-Anon) Except now we act more like the alpha dog and don’t care whose chair we knock over. They maybe shouldn’t have had a chair there to begin with…hell they DESERVED to get their chair knocked over. Mess with us and we WILL bite you. At least sometimes that is the feeling I get with the direction politics is moving.

The US needs to take some responsibility for what it does and stop bulldozing other nations that might not agree with it.

5. If I were in charge of the world, what is one thing I would change?

Do I get to say “Off with their heads?” because I really think that would be cool.

What the world needs now, is love swee-OK sorry, that just sorta popped into my head and I couldn’t stand listening to it rattle around in there so I shared the pain. You’re welcome. Sadly, maybe that IS my change for the world. Wouldn’t it be cool if there WAS a united planet or United Earth or something like that? I don’t even know if it can be done.

First off, you would need to abolish all borders. No one is from anywhere but Earth. That’s not too practical in the “Where are you from?” sense because, well, both people are going to say Earth and that doesn’t really narrow it down. Maybe the earth can be divided into a united countries or something, maybe a giant Earth Union. We could pick the top three spoken languages and everyone would have to learn them as part of the general schooling. We could all have the same currency, follow the same laws, etc.

Yeah, it wont work…at least not in my lifetime and probably not until humans have learned to ditch some of their pride. When people start thinking they are superior to other people solely because of birthplace or religion or what have you, then a united planet just can’t be done. At least done well and there is not much point in doing something that big half assed. Still, it’d be keen to be able to go anywhere and talk to anyone no?

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