Bastard Cookies

Sometimes the communication goes all haywire, but toffee is always good.

Take the drive in today. Usually my mind is all over the place thinking of this, which leads to that and then the other so I could be having a conversation about apples, be quiet for a minute and then ask about construction equipment. It’s all related in MY head but often times I forget to let people in on the transitional cues. My sis called last night to tell me that she had made some cookies for g’ma but her husband ate all of them so she was going to have to make more. I told her that was cool because *I* was thinking of making cookies too!

That did not sit so well with the sis. SHE was going to make cookies, I had to find something else to make. I didn’t see why because I had been planning on making cookies for g’ma for quite some time now but no. SIS was going to make cookies. I thought we might just both make cookies, just watch out for overlap, but that was a no go as well. G’ma can’t eat two dozen cookies and sis had the idea first so I was up a creek. Meh, whatever. I was thinking of trying Joanna’s toffee recipe so I might just do that (sis thinks that is swell, as long as I stay away from the cookies) although I am not sure why a bunch of toffee and a dozen cookies is any different than two dozen cookies but I’m just not going to go there.

Sometimes you have to know which battles to pick (even though I still see no problem with different cookies) so I will be sending toffee and these strange chowmein/brickle/chocolate things out g’ma’s way. TheMan, listening into this conversation, sides with my sis and tells me that I didn’t tell anyone that I was going to make cookies therefore my sis has dibs. Yeah, well SHE didn’t tell anyone either so I figure no one has dibs and we can just send whatever damn cookies we want. Besides, I want to make snickerdoodles.

So on the way in, I was thinking about the baking thing, as I have to bake the stuff tonight to get in the mail tomorrow and had the following conversation with TheMan

Boo: I think I’ll make toffee and tingas, or fire cracker cookies or a bastard of the two.
TheMan: You have strange names for cookies.
Boo: They aren’t MY cookies, I stole them from people. My mum makes Tingas, they are chocolate/chowmein noodles and brickle bits. Olzie made fire cracker cookies, they are chocolate/butterscotch and chowmein noodles. I might just throw everything together though.
TheMan: What are bastard cookies?
Boo: Huh? I don’t know.
TheMan: You said you were going to make bastard cookies.
Boo: Ummm, no I didn’t.
TheMan: Yes you did. You said you were going to make those other two and then bastard cookies but you didn’t say what bastard cookies were.
Boo: I never said I was going to make bastard cookies because I have no idea what the hell a bastard cookie is.
TheMan: Then why did you say you were going to be making them?
Boo: I didn’t. Maybe I said something that sounded like bastard cookies.
TheMan: Hmmm, I think what sounded like bastard cookies was when you said “bastard cookies”.

It took me the longest time to track back how TheMan got the notion that I was going to be making bastard cookies. It also didn’t help that I was laughing so hard I was having trouble concentrating. I was very amused with his, “yeah, maybe what I heard was bastard cookies because you said bastard cookies” although it’s not coming out as funny in print. You had to be there I guess, trust me, I was in stitches for blocks. I guess the long and short is that I have to learn to enunciate better and he has to learn to listen better. Or maybe I just need to figure out how to make bastard cookies.

Continuing with food, this morning I set together a crock filled with what will become (hopefully) turkey stew. Mmmm, turkey. It has taters, onions, red pepper, garlic, carrots and parsnips in it. I thought I might get a little wiggy and throw in some parsnips. Tune in tomorrow to see how they turned out. We made 16 little cheesy rolls for last night’s dinner so we have (lots) of extra rolls to go along with the stew. I’m all excited…I made the crock! Whooo. We will be having crock pot Cornish game hens for our “us” night tomorrow and I might see if the crock works well for melting chocolate. I’m not sure I have a double boiler and I need to melt chocolate for the candy extravaganza tonight. Eh, if not, I’ll improvise.

Oi! We may have to hit the grocery store on the way home. Maybe yes? Maybe no? It depends on what I want to do with the bastard cookies. I only have one bag of butterscotch chips that will become either oatmeal butterscotch cookies or bastard cookies. Is it too ambitious to make snickerdoodles, toffee, bastard cookies and another cookie all in one night? I mean, toffee uses melted chocolate and after you put the chocolate topping on it, you throw in butterscotch, chowmein noodles and brickle chips, melt and plop into clumps. And toffee is so easy. OK, snickerdoodles take work (but I may cut down on that and use the MomQ method of sugaring them) but I might be able to do oatmeal cookies too? Maybe? I need to use up my oatmeal. Hmmm.

Ah, I guess I’ll play it by ear. Mmmm, toffee.

Last Year at the booniverse: More strange conversations, but they were a lot funnier back then.

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