My First 419 Letter!

Hee. I was looking through my junk mail, and I found that people have friends that want to meet me or the people themselves want to meet me (I have to check to see if Lucy of the second message is the friend Lydia mentioned in the first message), or that I should scratch and win, (and so far in my life I’ve done a lot of scratching but not so much winning on account of it. Unless having the itch go away is winning) or even play poker with real people live. I was actually looking for more of a simulate people dead poker pool myself but it’s good to know that there is someone out there who cares about my real live poker playing needs. Then, I discovered the gem of all letters, an infamous 419. Take a look.

Dr. Dao Richardson
#102,4th Floor
Hedrick Towers
89 Market Street
Johannesburg 2000
South Africa.

Dear Sir,

I am Dr. Dao Richardson, the brother in-law of President Charles
Taylor of Liberia. I have the privilege to acquaint you the following,
hoping that, in all, things will work out for both of us.

My sister, who apparently is the wife of President Charles Taylor, the
immediate past president of Liberia, mandated me to search, negotiate
and conclude with a competent individual with a solid financial base,
on the below mentioned.

My sister moved out some cash from Liberia to South Africa at the tail
end of her husband’s regime which was few months ago, these funds runs
in millions of u.s.dollars and they are currently lodged in a secured
private security company’s vault here in South Africa.

The purpose of contacting you is to open up discussions with you on
how you will be of assistance in moving these funds out of Africa for
onward investment. If you indicate interest, you will be up dated with

Note that for your involvement and your unreserved commitment towards
actualization of funds movement, a certain percentage of the total
amount, finally moved out of Africa, will be apportioned to you.

Do indicate your interest to go into co-operation with me by
furnishing me with your contact details via a return email or you may
contact me on this phone number +27 72 572 3881 immediately.

Best Regards
Dr.Dao Richardson

OK, first off…I LOVE “My sister, who apparently is the wife of President Charles Taylor,” Heh. I guess the good doctor slept in the day she got married. Woah, you’re what sis? When? Is he a good man? Wow, what a bender I must have been having.

Next, I’m going to acquaint me the following, hoping that, in all, things will work out for both of us and go have some chocolate. In fact, right now I really don’t care much if it works out for the both of us, so long as *I* get to acquaint me some chocolate. If there is enough left over, OFCOURSE I’ll let you have some because apparently you are a reader.

I also like the fact that the first paragraph wants to acquaint me with something…and then the second paragraph lets me know that the apparent sister is mandating this thing that I will be acquainted with momentarily. Maybe in the next paragraph, maybe not but certainly soon.

My funds runs. Alls of them. I guess this is why they want to acquaint me the following. OK, that was cheap and low but…hee! Hey, how do my funds runs if they are lodged? And “Funds movement”? OH! They want to acquaint me with the prospect of constipated funds becoming more regular like. OH! Ah-HA! The funds have the runs, which makes more sense. This is much clearer now.

Heh, I acquainted myself the following; a good laugh over this letter.

Last Year at the booniverse: …and in an absent minded motion I grabbed the mug and took a big ol’ sip. HOT WATER! Ow! Owowowowowowowow hot hot hot OW!

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