Drugs Are Like That

Friday night (which I remembered HUZZAH!) TheMan and I headed on over to DQ’s place for some pizza dinner and tech support for sis. We also had some JSF with us and a giant snake movie. I’ve been on a Giant Snake Smithee movie binge for about a year and I wanted to see if I could break 1K feet of snake watched in a year’s time. Thus, we came, we ate pizza, we fixed the ‘nets and then sat us down to enjoy some giant snakes with Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid.

It was…too good a movie for Smithee purposes! No really, much to our surprise they got the science more or less in the ball park, the giant snake effects were really good, the constrictors actually constricted, the acting was solid and the premise was passable. I’m not saying that it was a stellar movie but it got the job done. I also totally blew my guess at “first to get eaten by snakes” but that’s OK. The movie also had a monkey and a smoking hot actor playing the river boat captain. Yum.

Saturday we played Warcraft until the new expansion lands crashed, wrecked and burned. Sadly, all of us who had been tootling around in the high lands got punted and then found that our characters were locked out. Ruh-roh! We dinked around with the little guys until the whole server was emergency shutdown (Ruh-roh^2) and then we napped or whatever. No Warcrafting for us!

Sometime around the middle of napping, we got a phone call from Badmovie who slid out on the expressway. He was OK, his passenger was OK, the car was OK and the groceries made it but the phone was dying. TheMan zoomed out to them with a freshly charged phone and then AAA came out and hauled the car from the ditch. Fun! Needless to say, Badmovie had had his fill of road adventure for a while so I wound up driving out to the MST3K roundup (which was rescheduled from last week). Slippery! Also, would you fusck nuts mind SLOWING DOWN on bad roads? Crimony.

Heh, fusck nuts. I’m leaving it like that.

We started the evening with some classic MST3K shorts (A Date With Your Family, Mr. B Natural, etc.) and then it was off to the main feature: M. Night. Shalyaman’s (whatever) The Happening. Drugs are so like that because man that movie reeked. Markey-Mark sucked so bad that I was afraid Roy’s house was going to implode. Zoe Whats-her-name was also horrific as was John Leguizamo. Even the trees sucked and they had no lines. TREES people! This movie was so bad the scenery phoned it in and that was painful. The worst part was that I’ve liked Wahlberg in pretty much everything else I’ve seen him in and Zoe Deschanel (I looked her up) did a solid job as Trillion in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. M. Night Shallnotdirectwell just needs to stop already because dayum. He can’t even get a field to work and that’s sad.

Sunday was a lazy morning day followed by snow shoveling and truck stuff. A friend of mine bought a tread mill and asked if I could schlep it to his house since the store wanted to charge $130 bucks for delivery. $130! That’s not right. So I put in some karma points and hauled stuff here and there. I also discovered that the truck is locked in 4WD which pleases me not. I had to get the owner’s manual out to make sure I was doing things right, which I was, but the darned thing just don’t want to go back to 2×4. Great….not only am I sucking gas like a mad sucky thing (The Happening!), my turning radius is three blocks wide now which caused me no end of issues driving around. My poor cleanly shoveled driveway got slammed by half a snowbank I ran over (oops) and getting behind the treadmill store was an interesting experience. Fortunately, I know how to slide a truck around in slick settings and I was able to use that to my turning advantage. F33r my 1337 5n0w Dr1v1n6 5ki11z!

In the evening I went over to the BadGardens for awesome tasty pie that LunarGeography made and a useless waste-of-celluloid movie called The Second Coming of Suzanne. It was one of those pretentious art flick things and yielded very little Smtihee anything. A good cover, a maybe wanna run and one other thing. STUPID MOVIE! On the other hand, I brought over my crocheting so the time wasn’t completely wasted. A page from the LunarGeography Smithee movie survival guide: Bring craft projects to Smithee movie nights so it doesn’t feel like the time was a total waste. Obviously LunarGeography has a giant wrinkly brain that is much smarter than my poor smooth brain because I just figured that out.

Drugs are not like LunarGeography’s brain. At least most of the time they are not.

2008: JSFR: White Sesame Cake

2007: Hrrrm. I don’t especially like Twinkies…do you suppose it’s OK to plead insanity due to Zingers instead?

2006: Drugs are also like Binkies, Cat Puke, The Bahamas, and not updating.

2005: Squirrels, hangnails, pickles, and angst are also like drugs.

2004: Oh, and I think they take your sense of humor away when you go to judge school. I’m just saying.

2003: Silence, bus stops, bingo and Molly Maids…drugs are like that too.

One Response to “Drugs Are Like That”

  1. TeacherPatti Says:

    I do not like M. Night Shallnotdirect (love that name!!). I guessed the “twist” ending in The Sixth Sense before I even saw the movie. I even bet my mom that I knew what it was and, 10 minutes into it, I knew I was right so I went into the lobby to call her and left her a voice mail, gloating. This is my one moment of triumph over movies, people! Please go with it 🙂
    I suffered through the movie with the “swing wide” (forget the name) and started to watch the “unbreakable” one but it was so…self-aware, if that makes any sense.
    Every interview with M. that I’ve seen makes him out to be a shallow, arrogant jerk.

Leave a Reply