You have 237 unread messages:

Yikes. Note to self; check Yahoo mail more frequently.

The bad thing about this is I’m going to have to go through and say “Yes, this is spam” to the 40 of them that are in my in box. The rest are already shuffled into the “bulk” folder. I have exceeded the number of mail messages I can block so there is nothing I can do about that other than go through their little reporting process. On the other hand, the spaminator companies will just change one part of the from tag and send me something again anyway. Shall we take a trip through my Yahoo mail? Sure!

Keep in mind that SPAM GUARD is turned on here. So what gets through spam guard (that I obviously wanted, of course, otherwise it would be in the bulk mail folder)? Message one from X10.com: “FACTORY-DIRECT Video Surveillance, UNDER $80 BUCKS”. Oooo, goodie, it’s what I’ve always dreamed of. Why am I getting this, I don’t have anything remotely X10-ish about me. Dunno. THIS IS SPAM. Moving on.

From AppleCiderVinegar@mtsbp517.email-deliveries.net (Apple cider vinegar? What?) “VANWYK, Lose up to 10 lbs! FREE!” Pfft, 10 pounds is about a fifth of what I really ought to lose but wait, from AppleCiderVinegar@mtsbp531.email-deliveries.net : “VANWYK, Lose up to 10 lbs!” Three more messages like this and I can be at my goal weight for free! What a bargain! Why I ought to call them right now and set this thing in motion no? Look how clever they are, AppleCider517 is totally different from AppleCider 531. No spam here, oh no! On the interesting side note, I was trying to remember what the Dutch sounding name I had come up with a while back was. THIS IS SPAM. Moving on.

From my friends at Psychics4free@mtsbp516.email-deliveries.net, “FREE PSYCHIC MEMBERSHIP!” I knew that. OK, come on “Psychics4free”? Yeah like that isn’t spam. Next one I’m going to get from them will probably be “PsychicsRfree” (except the Rs gonna hafta be backwards. I can see it now!). Oddly they claim I signed up for it through OPM or something, BUT they do provide a click here to their “shut us up button”. I’m going to take a stroll to the main OPM shut up page. Hold on. Ooo, painless. Just a simple screen that has a box to type in the e-mail addie and wala. THIS IS SPAM!

Speaking of OPM, lets see what all they have been sending me anyway. (I know what the answer is going to be already.) Omni@mtsbp545.opmnet.net wants me to “connect with 1to1 connections” (THIS IS SPAM), eClubUSA@mtsbp537.email-deliveries.net wants to tell me “Need NEW things? Guaranteed $5,000 Credit Line for all Life’s major purchases”. Hold on, what do they consider a major purchase anyway? Computers, lap tops (and how is that different from a computer unless they are dealing in actual black market human laps, but only the upper portion of them), Acessories (not my typo), Electronics, Vacations, Cruises (I guess the non vacation type?) and more! Not only THIS IS SPAM, but THIS IS POOR SPAM. Is there an internet award for this kind of stupidity?

OH! And here is MyComputerClub@mtsbp544.email-deliveries.net asking me if I “Need a Computer? Guaranteed Financing Available” just in case I missed the previous announcement where I could get financing for my major purchase of a computer or lap top. I guess I was too thrown by what exactly I was purchasing when I decided to make that life changing decision to buy “Acessories” to realize I could have gotten a computer through them in the last e-mail. THIS IS SPAM!

omni@mtsbp528.email-deliveries.net just wanted me to know that the “Police auction ends in 30 minutes”. Darn, and to think I missed my opportunity to purchase my own man in blue. I always wanted a canine officer and now I’m just SOL. Unless they tell me it’s extended in the next e-mail? Yes? Could it be? Ah, no such luck for me tonight. Just eClub537 again trying to get me to buy “Acessories”. Ballsy, they don’t even bother to change the numerical bit of the e-mail address, they just send on out another e-mail. Just in case the second one about only the computers had me wondering about vacations or something. Or maybe Acessories. Do you suppose the canine is an acessory to the canine officer?

These OPM fellas seem to be into dating and money lending. Heh, if that doesn’t go hand in hand. Ooo, here’s my fave so far. Health@mtsbp515.email-deliveries.net (also of OPM derivation-I am beginning to thing OPM is the Beatrice of the internet) just wants me to be able to “Get The Little Unknown Liquid… Get Your Sample Today!!!” Ummm…EW? Maybe it comes with the human laps, you know buy one lap get a free sample of mystery liquid. It’s a great scam. No really! I want to go through my fridge and bottle up some of the stuff that has been lurking back in the far corners and sell it as “The Little Unknown Liquid!”.

And my friends at VideoProfessor@mtsbp536.email-deliveries.net, you know I just don’t want to know. Yeah, I see the OPM disclaimer at the bottom of the page and quite frankly after the one to one connection, Vacation loans and the mystery liquid I just don’t even want to know what you think I ought to be doing with a camera. On the other hand – kinky! Oh, they just wanted to ask if I “Got Computer Questions?”. Yeah, what’s an Acessory.

So all this because I sent myself something from work and I wanted to load it onto the power book. Ahh the magic of the internet where it takes me half an hour to find where my e-mail is because I have to wade through four thousand useless offers before I can get to it. Next month I really ought to see what IS getting caught by the spam filters. Maybe it tells me what the camera is for. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go bottle me some mystery juice and offer it up for sale.

One Response to “You have 237 unread messages:”

  1. Matt Says:

    Mmmm…. Mystery juice…