Blowing in the Wind

Saved by the ennui! There is no Friday Five (yet?) so here are the answers to the booniverse questions!

1. I have been gaming for more than half my life.TRUE

I started playing Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (AD&D or just D&D for those of you who may be confused) waaaaaay back in 7th grade at the tender age of 12. Do the math and you get 22 years of gaming out of a total 34 years alive. Not so shabby. The group of us pre-teens used to play after school in Mrs. Mill’s room and we only had to sacrifice three teachers before we got the hang of the game. Ha! Almost had you extreme right religious types all up in arms with hard proof that D&D is the devil’s game. *snicker* You should have seen the looks on your faces. OK, let’s get this straight and out in the open: D&D does not drive people any more wacko than they start out being Mmmm’Kay? Man that toasts my hiney when people are all “Blah blah DEVIL’S WORK Blah blah.”

Anyway, 7th graders really don’t have the fine points down of gaming so it was more a hack and slash, treasure, treasure, TREASURE fest more than it was role playing (roll playing if you will) but it was fun anyway. Later on and with more maturity, I would discover the ROLE playing aspect of the game and I would enjoy it even more. Since my introduction to the game I have gone on to learn 2nd edition AD&D, 3rd edition AD&D (and I’m NOT buying into the 3.5 edition because, dudes, NO!), Warhammer, Gurps, Starwars, 2nd edition Starwars, Traveler, Ars Magica and finally the d20 system of Stargate. Most of the gaming systems I learned after I met TheMan, but I do own an almost full run of 2nd edition source books. I also have a good handful of original D&D source books but the majority of them I inherited when people got disgusted with TSR and their ever changing systems and folded their collection.

Oh yeah, one last tidbit to my fellow rabid gamers out there: Bathe. It does a body good.

2. I collect stamps. LIES

Once upon a time I think I may have thought about collecting stamps for about 3 weeks, but I had a stuffed elephants collection, Bryer horses collection, Matchbook collection, coins collection, shot glasses collection, Pom pon fuzz ball critters collection and probably 5 or 6 other collections I can’t remember now. The only collections that have actively survived are my coin collection (which is beginning to take over my dresser since 3 people have unloaded their foreign pocket change onto my person and there is no more room in my strong box for coins) and my elephant collection which has grown to include figurine elephants as well. Once people learn that you collect elephants the collection grows astronomically. I will still grab matches when I go out places though, the pyro in me really enjoyed the whole matchbook phase. One can never have too many implements of firestarting.

3. I was a brownie way back when. TRUE

I was a brownie for 2 weeks. Friends of mine (who were cub scouts mostly) had all these fantastic stories of going places and doing cool things like camping and survival stuff and generally things I thought would be a blast. So I joined up with the brownies, figuring I was embarking on a life of adventure! The first meeting we pasted dried beans on Dixie cups. Whooo. I forgave them because, well, you can’t be out camping ALL the time and maybe the next week we would get to at least talking about cool things. When I showed up the next week we pasted beans on Dixie plates. I figured Dixie had a vast line of things to paste beans on and I really didn’t sign up to learn, in detail, crafty shit to do with the contents of your mother’s cupboard so I quit.

4. I never learned to drive a stick shift. LIES

Every car I have owned or was mine to drive (back when I was a budding road maniac) has been a stick shift. Automatics kind of freak me out, actually, because I keep trying to shift them. Not only is the entire gear shift missing, but there are only two pedals on an automatic. You can see where putting both clutch in and breaking in an automatic can lead to an interesting time. Yeah. Also, when a standard stalls, it’s usually driver error because you didn’t have the clutch in right or something of that sort. When an automatic stalls…? That makes me nervous. On the plus side, automatics are the BOMB in bumper to bumper traffic.

5. I hate beef. LIES

I like beef. I love a nice thick juicy steak where the middle is still that funky raw meat translucent color and the outside has tasty grill marks. Ahhhhhh, bliss. And, y’all, Mr. Paul makes THE sweetest steaks ever so I had it good when I used to partake of the cow. So beef = good, but I quit eating it…Yikes, 9 years ago now (holy wah! I hadn’t realized. *sniff* I miss you, burgers) because the beef industry pissed me off. I saw this whole expose back when the Jack in the Box e-coli thing happened and the investigative team found appalling conditions in the slaughter houses. Yeah, don’t even talk to me about chickens and blah blah because that part didn’t bother me so much. What ticked me off was when the investigative people confronted the beef people and said “Look HERE! What do you have to say for yourselves?” the beef industry replied “Cook your beef longer”. Umm, exCUSE me? OK, so your standards and practices are so off the OSHA charts in terms of sanitation and all you have to say is “Cook your beef longer”??? The beef people didn’t give a shit about Joe Average (me…wait, I would be Jane average) because Joe Average was going to be buying their product anyway so why should the beef people have to do anything to insure Joe Average wont DIE eating their product? Whatever, Joe Average should just plop his burger on the grill for a few more minutes, quit bothering us. We have cow feces to mix into the ground round.

That’s what really put my undies in a bunch; the complete disregard for their customers. I would have been OK with a response of “Yeah, we are working on that even though it is really expensive and it might take a long time but we are trying to rectify the situation.” Even if they were lying out of their teeth, they would have gotten kudo points for seeming to care for their customers and doing as best as they could to correct a rather nasty situation. But no. So I decided that they owed me, their customer, an apology for blowing me off like that and to show my displeasure I wasn’t going to eat or buy their product until they did so. Mind you I never wrote to them and they have never apologized but still!

Also, I prefer my steak just this side of still beating (throw a room temperature steak on the fire until you get grill marks and then serve it up and I am in seventh heaven) which isn’t the healthiest way to serve cow. My boycott may keep me alive longer than my raw meat eating habits would have. Heh, I’d be happy gnawing on the cow itself if I could get away with it. Mmmm…

6. I have a knack for killing off plants. TRUE

Alas. I love plants and planning gardens and all things green. But. It seems I miss the boat time and time again whenever the long term care of plants ball starts rolling. Plants really don’t have a way of letting their owners know that “Hey, stupid! I could use some WATER over here, you know?” other than, dying. I have 2 plants left from my veritable greenhouse of my college days: a peace lily and a philodendron that is going on 40 years old. Peace lilies have a knack for going completely flat before they are in real serious “can’t pull out of this” danger (and I often notice a 2 foot plant that has gone all pfffft) and it is incredibly hard to kill off a philodendron. Especially the mutant “will not die. Ever” philodendron that has survived both my mumses care and now mine. If a plant can survive that it really needs to have its genetic stock introduced into the mainstream because damn!

7. I averaged more than 1 accident a year with my first truck. TRUE

Sadly, yes this is also true. I do want to point out, though that of the 5 accidents I had in the 4 years I owned that vehicle, two were rear enders (not my fault), one was a lady who turned left into my gas tank (not my fault) and one was a semi truck that ran me off the road (not my fault). OK, the last one was a part my fault for driving too close in bad weather conditions BUT I wasn’t expecting the full sized truck in front of me to STOP in the middle of merging onto the expressway. In the space it took me to look for oncoming traffic and then back at the truck he was completely stopped. There were no break lights at ALL until he was doing 0. I think he downshifted to slow down (no break lights) and I missed the visual cue of him slowing down until I saw break lights and his ass parked on the on ramp. That was the accident that totaled my Ranger. On the plus side, after being a Ranger sandwich between a full sized Chevy and a Ford Taurus, the Ranger still started right up and was still drivable. After a sort. I even gave the dude in the Taurus a ride in to work (he worked in the building next to mine). That Ranger was one tough little truck.

It also was this weird blue/green color that seemed to not register on anyone’s radar. The frequency with which people tried to pull out in front of me, merge into me or turn right into the space I was using to drive in was frighteningly disturbing. My F150 is bigger and red, which seems to have cut down on the invisibility factor and has only been in 3 accidents in the 8 years I have owned it. Unfortunately, all 3 were most assuredly my fault. Heh. I’m not sure if that is an improvement or not.

8. I own over 200 stuffed and figurine elephants. TRUE

I think. Really, I have no idea how many elephants I have, but the last count of just the stuffed gang yielded 150+ (several years ago). I am 99% sure I have more than 50 figurine elephants on my bursting full book shelf (they have once again outgrown the space I had set aside for them) so I’ll stand by my “more than 200 elephants” statement.

Of all my collections this one is the oldest, starting with the very first stuffed guy El. El was a gift to me before I was born! He’s seen a lot of years, a few baths (heh…whoops) and many stitches from all sorts of repair work. Still, he is my pride and joy of the elephant collection. I also have a Steif from back when my dad was growing up (bequeathed to me by my grandma), the whole Babar family, a Horton, several different sized Shuffelupagus(es? i?), a Baby Alice, a Dumbo (of course, but oddly he is a late edition to the crew), a Harry Elephante and probably whatever other named elephant a collection is supposed to have. I even have a mass of Beanie ‘fonts hanging around the couch. But of course, they are elephants!

The figurines I never really did collect, as I mentioned, but when people see a horde of elephants they get it in their head that you collect elephants of all shapes and sizes so then I DID start to have a figurine collection. Another tidbit about the collection is that I have gotten a stuffed elephant for Christmas every year I can remember save one. That was the year after my parents divorced (or maybe the year after that) and nobody got me a single elephant. I was crushed, a tradition broken. Of course the next year mumses and dad felt so bad that I wound up with 11 elephants (the record…NOT that I am bucking to break it here. God no, where would I put them all?) so in the end all evened out. My Christmas elephant is something I look forward to every year since mumses has taken it on herself to find weird, unique and/or cool ‘fonts. I should show you a pic of the Cursed Elephant Guy. That one takes the cake for singular oddity of the collection.

9. I have never traveled outside my home state. LIES

Wroooooo-ooong, do it again. I don’t know if I have mentioned it here before and, like always, I’m too lazy to go looking but I was born on the other side of the country. Hence, this is very much a lie. Besides, I know I have talked about going to my Grandparent’s house in Alabama (5 states away) and Origins which is in the next state over. I’m currently working on hitting every state in the Union and so far, not so bad. I have about 13 more to go, I think. Or there abouts.

10. I am the Smithee’s Promotions Ninja TRUE

Yup, self proclaimed but since no one else is really vying for the spot, I’m pretty safe. I just ordered a pack of button fixings for promotional Smithee buttons, some magnets to try them out (Origins has a lot of metal posts, walls, stuff, that are just begging to have a Smithee button magnet slapped on them. Hee! Besides, I love magnets). I also have the standard give-aways (which I KNOW I have talked about before) lined up until 2007 I believe PLUS the Smithee Sock Puppets (which I have to get rolling on the making) which are new this year. BTW: The A2 Smithees will be on April 24th at 7:00pm – midnight, 1800 Chem. Come, have fun!

Last Year at the booniverse: It’s reading like a shopping list on serious crack (vs. comical crack? Dour crack? Whimsical crack? Oooo, I kinda like that one. Whimsical crack!)

2 Responses to “Blowing in the Wind”

  1. dirge Says:

    “6. I have a knack for killing off plants. TRUE”

    Lets not forget fish. You haven’t killed off the weirdos, though, so you seem pretty good with alien life forms 🙂

  2. boo Says:

    Daaaamn man, do you know how LONG it took for those suckers to die? Remember when we FINALLY cleared that tank out of the guest room? There was still one alive in there! I tell ya, Fish seem to survive under my care when they really shouldn’t. It’s spooky.

    *snicker* To hear Isaak howl round about dinner time you would think I was actively trying to kill them off.

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