Japanese Snack Food Review: Puchi Pasuteru

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I thought I would bring these to the game that was cancelled at the very last minute as sort of an apology for the lateness of said cancellation but…well…sometimes the best laid plans and all. I have (still) a TON of snack food to taste and write up so it could have been any number of packages I grabbed but this one called to me. Look at how cute it is! I mean, penguins! And Ice Cream! Penguins EATING ice cream, what’s not to love about it? Take a look at the two main characters, is that not the supreme face of little penguin happiness on the penguinlet? He’s got his iiiiiiiiiiice cream! IceCreeeeam! IceCreeeeam! That little fella is one happy bird. I love it.

I love the Ice Cream Ma-errr….Penguin too with his snappy overalls and that “There you go! You be a good little penguinlet and tell your mum and dad ‘Hi’ for me.” wave he’s got going. You can totally tell that hordes of penguinlets hear the jingle tinkle of bells and go freaking out of the house screaming “Iiiiice Cream Penguin!” Those that don’t have dollar bills wadded tightly in their flippers are begging their penguin parents for “a dollar for the ice cream penguin? Pleeeeeease?” and they are all sorts of antsy because he’s coming! He’s coooooming! Hurry up, he’s almost heeeeeere!

The Ice Cream Penguin never leaves, though, until all his penguinlet customers have their ice cream treat. You can tell just by looking at him. Even the older penguins saunter up and buy a cone from him every once in a while. Take a look at the dapper gentle-penguin with the hat and cane…and cone. “By gum!” he’s thinking, “This is a fine day for a spot of ice cream, don’t you agree Tyler?”

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Tyler doesn’t answer right away because he’s got his face stuffed in HIS ice cream cone. Behind them you can see Ma and Pa penguin out for a stroll. “Look, Ma” says Pa, “It’s the ice cream penguin.”

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The fun doesn’t stop there, on the other side of the village in their new apartment by the fountain are Peter and Alice. They just got married and Peter has decided to get his new bride an ice cream. She’s thinking “Awwwww, I love this penguin! He’s so sweet.” Man, there is a whole tale here in the packaging, all these happy penguins and the flowers and the ice cream. Half a point for the packaging alone!

So we opened them and gave them a taste. If they can make the penguins that happy they ought not to be so bad right? The cones are a chocolate base with something like a malt ball fused to the mouth part of the cone. It’s not that hard to pop the “ice cream” part off of the chocolate and that amused me greatly. Hee. POP. Hee! Plus, the “ice cream” balls are crunchy. That bumped the amusement factor up a notch too. I liked the crunch. A lot. So, half a point for construction and texture (that’s sharing a half point, actually). And lastly, there is chocolate. You can’t go wrong with chocolate.

Well, you really sort of can if you are talking those nasty Easter eggs, but this chocolate is pretty much your average chocolate. It isn’t anything to write home about but it isn’t vile either. I don’t think. See, it’s the “ice cream” ball coating that really does it in for Puchi Pasuteru. It flavors just about everything…nasty. I can taste the chocolate but I can also taste the nasty from where the cone bumped up against an “ice cream” ball. The ball’s coating might be some form of white chocolate, maybe or yogurt or even ritual Alien frosting. It’s really hard to tell because…daaaaaamn.

If you could create a melon-esque like flavor out of a high school chemistry kit and a healthy dose of ASS then you can kind of approximate the flavor of the ball coating. It’s got an overwhelming artificial MELON flavor that never even bothered to pretend (not even a little) that it might have tried to come close to natural melon flavor. It is incredibly vile. Not one of my test Guinea pigs could say anything nice about the taste.

I can’t even describe what the malted part of the ball tastes like because it’s all melon ass. The malt ball is crispier than a Whopper, I can tell you that and I think it might taste pretty similar to a Whopper, but a tad less malty. It certainly tastes a hell of a lot more like melon ass than a Whopper does, that I can definitely stand by. That’s about the only certain thing I can tell you about the ball’s flavor. Oh, and it tastes like ass. And it after-tastes like ass. And it tastes like more ass after the after taste. Yeah. Be warned that these guys have one nasty lingering after taste.

Just for you JSFR junkies I tasted several flavors, as did Badmovie and we agreed that they all taste like melon ass. Pink melon-ass, green melon-ass, yellow melon-ass…there was just not a lot of flavor differentiation. Of course it could have been a subtle thing but once you pour on the melon-ass any clever flavors are really kind of moot.

On construction and marketing alone I gave Puchi Pasuteru a

Rating

of 1 Wasabi Pea out of a possible 5.

One Response to “Japanese Snack Food Review: Puchi Pasuteru”

  1. theMan Says:

    Well, you do have to take into account that penguins eat raw herring… Maybe mellon-ass tastes like raw herring. Maybe penguins LIKE mellon-ass!