The Friday Foofah

Good end of the week to you, campers. Today we take you on a Foofah nature hike across the wilds of imagination.

1. Out of the corner of your eye you see something crawling across the desk – something with a lot of legs and antennae. Do you calmly flick it off with your fingers, smash it to a pulp or run screaming out of the room?

It depends really. Bugs that are not where I expect them to be usually illicit some sort of yell and then a dash to the nearest thwacker. I do not so much enjoy having the beejeebus startled out of me. If I do not do the heebee jeebee dance of the startled human, most likely I’ll shoo it away if it’s a smallish bug (and not a cockroach, earwig, centipede or a cricket because those fuckers get mooshed on the spot). Spiders pretty much either get moved or introduced to the cats. Hey, the weirdoes aren’t the brightest bulbs on the tree, many a spider has lived to tell the tale of the dumb assed cats that let it get away.

2. Lions, barracudas, sharks, eagles and tarantulas; predators all. What predator would you be (need not be from this list)?

Hmmm…say, how about a HUMAN! You know, we are predators physiologically speaking. Alright, I’ll play nice. Lets see, I’d want to be something that doesn’t have a lot of natural enemies (because why be something less than king of the hill?) and is pretty darned cool. Oooo, I got it, I wanna be a Killer Whale! They have cool markings, have fairly few predators, hunt in packs, can whistle and make cool clicking noises (and SONAR! Wouldn’t that be the bomb?) plus they are pretty darned smart and can do cool swimming stunts. Mmmm, seals.

3. If you could have the attributes of one animal while retaining your human form, what would you pick? e.g. a bird’s flight, a snake’s venom, breathing underwater like a fish etc.

Hey, that’s a pretty cool question. Flight, of course, would be pretty rad but it would be difficult to tailor clothes for wings (not to mention that if you were the only one with wings you would sort of stand out in a crowd no? And then the government would take you and study you to see how you got the wings so they could give all their black ops guys wings and blah blah blah X-Files cakes). So assuming everyone isn’t popping out with the animal attributes, I’d probably choose something subtle. Being able to see in the dark like a cat would be useful, Being able to change color and blend into the surroundings like a chameleon would be useful (hee, but I’d have to walk around nekkid to get the best benefit. Whoooo!), the ability to use radar or sonar wouldn’t be out of the question either. Heh, I make all sorts of weird noises anyway, who would notice if I started clicking or squeaking?

4. If you had a choice to give up your life and its worries and responsibilities and be a bird – would you make the switch?

Absolutely not. Oh yeah, you give up your human worries but once you become a bird you get all sorts of bird worries you have to deal with. I don’t want to have to think about where my next meal is going to come from because I can no longer walk to the fridge or the store and procure eats. I also don’t want to worry about constantly having to be on the look out for things that will eat me. I like living in my human home, no one is likely to come by and knock it out of its lot or cut it down for firewood or mow over it. I also really enjoy opposable thumbs, nail polish, computer games, having a secure dry place to hang, being comfortably warm in the winter, reading, gardening, spontaneous sex, gaming, playing Frisbee, visiting the ‘rents, shaking Gatlin’s head knob, scritching the kitties, sailing and keeping a fish tank. You don’t get any of that as a bird.

Last Year at the booniverse: I was right bummed because not only is it a pretty handy thing for popping the doors or trunk but the key flips out for driving and back for storage with the single press of a button. [snikt] DRIVE! [snikt] FOB!

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