Friday This and That

Alright, I’m not sure how this is even possible but I have become a lethargic spaz. I have been sitting here with half a piss poor paragraph written about something or other work related that I should have wrapped up Wednesday. But no, I just keep looking at it thinking “Yup. That’s pretty bad. Huh.” and then I look some more at it, write a sentence, delete it, write the same sentence again (just in case it got better between the time I deleted it and then rewrote it I suppose) and on and on. I still only have part of a paragraph and I’ve had the damned thing up on the computer for three days now. A third grader could have written it in half the time (and probably twice as well) but whatever. You know? Meh. My main motivation is to make it through the day and then maybe get a good nap in when I go home.

On the other hand WE’RE GOING TO BE ON VACATION NEXT WEEK! Whoooo! I’m only working three days next week (count them!) and then BAMN Origins and all sorts of geeky whacked out fun! Plus, after that we come home for a day or two and then we are off to ALASKA! Honeymooning cruising madness for seven days! That’s seven days I’m not at work AND seven days that I’m in Alaska with TheMan on a boat (ship)! I’ve never been to Alaska, we’re going on a CRUISE! Whoooo! *spazzy dance* OK, that was a lot of energy, I’m going to go find a quiet place to sit and vegetate.

But First, the Foofah.

1. Favorite men’s perfume / favorite women’s perfume?

Both? My pref? Appropriate for my gender type? Or what here? Heh, you know I am so completely out of the perfume loop it aint funny. I couldn’t tell you more than maybe seven perfume names and even the seven I could list might be totally wrong. No really, read (I’da said look but that seemed weird to write in a blog): Dare, Drakar (or is it Drakar Noir?), CK (or is that is a pants designer? Wait, does that stand for Calvin Klein? Errr…maybe I wanted CQ? No wait, that’s a magazine…right?), Caesar’s Woman, ummmm…is patchouli a perfume or a scent? See? That’s it I’m afraid. Three (or four? Depending on the patchouli). How pathetic is that? Yikes.

I don’t wear perfume much at all, in fact if I took a stab at guessing how often I have worn it in the last year I might say once but that might be a really high estimate too. I don’t think I even wore any for my wedding! Heh. I just don’t get dressed up enough to be in the habit of putting perfume on so when I am all snazzy like, most likely I’ll have forgotten to put on the good smells. Meh. I don’t like 95% of the woman’s fragrances anyway. Something about smelling like a flower or a fruit really doesn’t appeal to me, I like my smell more on the dark and spicy side. Mrrrowr! Alas, they just dion’t make too many woman’s perfumes in that flavor (although many of the men’s scents are mighty fine…just not something I’d wear though). I have a bottle of Caesar’s Woman, which I like, hence why I remembered the name.

Guys scents come in two recognizable flavors for me: Drakar (Noir?) and Old Spice. Hee. For a while, every guy I knew was Drakar man so I got used to smelling it as a general guy scent. Good thing I like the scent too, especially since one of the fellas was of the mind that if two spritzes were better than one then three would be extra fine. I considered staging an intervention for him because damn! Talk about your wall of scent. Dude, just put the bottle down and back away. I know it’s hard but we’re all here for you man.

Heh, small side note: I once got Drakar scented candles because I thought that since I liked the scent I might enjoy burning it in my apartment. Unfortunately, since every guy I knew wore that as his cologne, whenever I lit one of the Drakar candles it smelled like there were guys in my house rather than a scented candle burning in the corner. I gave them away because that was mighty disconcerting to walk into a room and think “Hey, how did Bob get into my living room? Oh wait, the candle.”

Old Spice I just like because TheMan used Old Spice and it reminds me of him. Mmmm.

2. Favorite natural smell?

Hmmm! Does the smell of baking chocolate chip cookie count because yummm! Wait…oh no. I’ve gone to my happy place. Moment.

OK, back. Natural smells eh? Well, I’ve always liked the smell of lilacs, which is a good thing because they have some vicious stink going for them. Talk about wall of scent, you get a good lilac bush blooming and there is not much else you are going to be smelling. I also like that cold wet dead smell of late autumn. Don’t know why but it always seemed mysterious and dark and creepy. I like mysterious, dark and creepy.

3. Most noxious odor known to mankind?

Heh. Heh heh. HA! I’d mention rutabaga but I might get hit. Hee. I’m just saying. Well, skunk comes to mind (like that was the duh news) as does anywhere downwind of a paper mill (peeeeyew!). Boiling cauliflower has it’s own brand of room clearing stink (as does my sister’s dog Gatlin) that isn’t too pleasant and I’ve always hated the smell of turned dirt. It smells like poo to me. Construction sites? Poo. Gardens? Poo. Spring? Poo. No really, Spring smells like poo. It’s the whole wet new disturbing the dirt thing.

4. Cinnamon chewing gum – armpit odor or sweet goodness?

OK, mentioning chewing gum and armpit in the same sentence ought to be grounds for incarceration. I like cinnamon chewing gum because it keeps its flavor the longest of any other gum flavor consistently across the gum board. I have little fear of picking up any cinnamon flavored gum and wondering if it will poop out on the flavorness because it wont. For the most part. I’ll chew gum for hours so that sort of thing is important to me. As for the smell. well, it’s cinnamon. You know, spicy, goes in pie and some coffee drinks, I can deal.

5. Deodorants and antiperspirants – civilized necessities or deadly chemical cocktails?

Hey, all you rock armpit pit people? IT DON’T WORK. No, it doesn’t. Trust me. I totally don’t get all that new aged hippy weirdness of rubbing a rock under your arm and thinking it will keep the stink away. No one I have EVER run into who does the rock rub has ever smelled like anything other than stanky BO. Just quit with the quartzite madness MmmKay? Go grab some Right Guard and spare the rest of us your natural self.

I think I’m firmly in the Civilized Necessities camp because pit odor can get lethal. A morning shower can quickly evaporate into tear jerking visible pit clouds on a warm day so don’t give me that “I keep myself clean” business. Hey, I’m as lazy as the next man and have gone an entire Saturday without the DO and by bedtime even I don’t want to sleep with myself. Be kind to the environment, use the Old Spice.

On a side note, antiperspirants are a take or leave thing. So what if your pits are wet, if they don’t stink like BO I don’t care. BUT anything that you can skip a day and it is still working seems kind of creepy in my book. Have you ever tried to soap that stuff off in the shower? It don’t want to go. That can’t be good for you can it?

Wow, well I really wrote y’all’s eyes off with the foofah, didn’t I? Huh. Well, there wasn’t much else I was going to talk about. Still thinking the giant M&Ms are the bomb, still living in a vastly disordered house (although I did some dishes the other day, go me!), and still thinking about that nap while being kind of bouncy at the same time. Zzzzz YAY CRUISE Zzzzz. Heh.

I should get to work on a JSFR for tomorrow seeings as I skipped last weekend. Hey, I had something written but it sucked and needed to be rewritten so I didn’t post it. See, I love you JSF junkies so much that I’m not willing to just throw up (errr…well that wasn’t the best of phrases was it?) any old garbage just to keep a schedule. It’s only quality garbage for you folks! Look for something Saturday and potentially Sunday too if I am feeling motivated.

Last Year at the booniverse: Can I at least get some extra “Arrgh” points if I go outside the lines?

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