The Pre Origins Show

I survived my last work day, barely, and the interminable drive through the last little bit of Michigan, which is only 40 miles yet seven hours of drive time. No really. It kept not being Ohio for the longest damned time until I thought we might have actually slipped onto a tread mill part of the highway. Hey, they do have test highways on the way down so you never know.

We checked in with no problems what so ever and found Badmovie already here. Of course he took the best bed, getting here first (bastard) but then again he got our convention badges, which didn’t exist again this year so maybe I forgive him. Maybe. At least I got the best side of the second best bed.

The drive down was amusing though, I give you the highlights:

Ida Petersberg. On an ordinary map these would be two separate towns sharing the same exit but it makes for a great name no? Ida Petersberg, small farm town girl from rural Ohio trying to make it big at the night clubs. Of course she has to change her name to Marrion Bucyrus because who would come see Ida singing? She is the number two girl of small time rum runner Luckey Haskins but someday she knows she can make it big, maybe in New York or Chicago.

It’s amazing the stories you can come up with when you read the towns as names. By the way, all these names exist as towns on the drive down. Heh, I wanna live in Ida!

We also ran into Waldo Prospect, where there is just a chance he’ll be there. There’s no guarantee though.

Then there was Flag City U.S.A., a town that practically comes with its own reverb. The best part was TheMan’s comment, “The whole city is at half mast.” We also ran into “The Flag Lady’s Flag Store”, which is NOT in Flag city (splitter). Heh, wonder what she could be selling? Hmmm! I decided it was a very good thing she isn’t a he because that would be quite the stigma these days. How much longer are we going to mourn Reagan?

Is asphalt the same thing as butt crack? I was just wondering.

We finally figured out the whole “Round on both Ends” thing about Ohio. It has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with pipe. Pipe on trucks, pipe in buildings, pipe along the road, pipe stacked in staggering quantities all over the…pipe yards? Pipe, pipe pipe, as far as the eye can see, THAT’s the secret round. Every three miles we passed some sort of pipe making or storing facility, or were passed (several times) by a truck hauling pipe to another collection point. I knew it couldn’t be anything topographical because Ohio is to flat what unbathed is to your typical gamer. Sneaky little Ohioans, I’m on to you now.

You know when you misread signs and everything starts to get stupid funny? TheMan dropped the “R” from Crum’s Strawberries and we had miles and miles of gutter humor to amuse us. Things like “Does your refrigerator normally squeak like that?” and “I didn’t know strawberries could smoke.” To “You just want to get off the strawberry topic.” I tell you, we were guffawing and making lewd strawberry jokes for about 20 minutes (and you would be amazed at what two slap happy people traveling in a car can come up with about the sex life of a strawberry). Things were winding down when we passed “Peachblow Road” I kid you not, coming into Columbus (on the north side) there exists a street named “Peachblow”. I don’t think my refrigerator could handle that.

Last Year at the booniverse: I mean, Voldemort has come back in the flesh (book 4 people) for crying out loud; it aint going to be wine and peaches from here on out.

One Response to “The Pre Origins Show”

  1. Shar Says:

    Sounds like you two are having fun already. I always knew strawberries were supposed to be a sensual fruit, but shesh!