We are having the third annual Q house Beach Party Bru-ha-ha tomorrow and there are a ton and a half of things to do before then. I spent some time at work today making lists of things (because, what is work time good for if you can’t spend a good half hour contemplating a grocery list?) to buy and things to do and oi!

At least I got the lawn mowed. Yes I did. Ran the hell over a bunch of mole hills too (for the record, the mower does not so much like mowing mounds of dirt. Makes a weird “brrrrrWHAP” noise) and came to the conclusion that our lawn is the Ritz of the mole world. It’s a happenin Mole-opolis and if you aren’t careful you might could turn an ankle stepping on those little fucker’s tunnels. Actually, the moles are probably only here for the eats and last month we at the Q house discovered we have one hella grub infestation. Therefore I retract my mole fuckers statement and amend it to read grub fuckers. Besides, grubs are creepy to look at what with their fat and their round and their wiggly. Glahhh!

It took me an hour and a half to mow just the near back and the back back yesterday (mole highways and all) because we are one lazy ass mowing household. Probably another reason the moles hang. I took pictures too for y’all just to illustrate what I mean by mange mowing.

Big grass

Insane grass

No really, this is after I cut it! Seems I forgot this one strip here. Grass-hawk.

All this talk about moles lead to some interesting pest removal discussions. DQ was mentioning that out west they get rid of pesky prairie dog communities by driving a giant vacuum suck truck up to the dog front door, jamming a hose down it and flipping the switch. Suddenly, whole communities of scrabbling prairie dogs start wooshing out of the ground. ShhhhhhhhhhhhTHOOMP…THOOMP…THOOMP.THOOMP.THOOMP. Hee, isn’t that a mental image, all those prairie dogs running for freedom only to be hosed up into a truck. Then I began thinking more about it (and our vacuum at home) and I thought, wait a minute. Vacuums usually have some sort of spinning blade system going to create said vacuum and stuff usually winds up going through the blades (I know, I run over shit all the time and it gets sucked up THOOMP SHHHNKKKT. Sort of like running over mole holes but more rattly sounding) because that’s where the air flow goes. Errr…so what happens to the prairie dogs after they get sucked up the hose? Do they have a fajita and fur coat shop at the other end of the truck? DQ said they probably have a screen before the vacuum fan and that made me lose my shit even more than the coat/fajita shop. I was visualizing all these dogs plastered to the inside of a vacuum truck as more come flying down the pipe. THOOMP. SMACK. Eventually you would have to shut the machine down and shake the dogs off the screen no?

I’m just looking forward to setting up Bocce and croquet tomorrow. Whack-a-mole anyone?

Tonight TheMan makes his last ditch effort to get the downstairs bathroom ready for using. He worked like a mad thing yesterday finishing putting up the walls and sealing the floor. If the mortar is quick curing, yours truly will be driving the now street legal but still with iffy tires and goopy oil truck to Home Depot and picking up the bathroom elements. Ahhh, the joys of having ones own truck. I’d much rather have a bit of a lie down though, I do not relish the idea of getting a Home Depot person to drag out a tub, sink and toilet for me and getting them to load it onto my truck. Do they actually do that for you or are you supposed to be able to load it by yourself? I’ll have to practice my “innocent weak woman” eyes, see if I can charm them into doing just that.

After that I’ll be cleaning the gutters, doing the dishes, vacuuming (but not the moles), weed whacking, boiling the driveway (again. Resistant fuckers!) and starting the beans. Tomorrow it’s shopping, setting the sun tea out to brew, blowing up the pool, getting the ice, last minute dusting and a final mowing just to get the damned tufts to go away and getting things ready for people. Somewhere in there I want a nap, damnit!

Your moment of Zen.

Last year at the booniverse: This marks the first wine making I have participated in from start to finish and it’s pretty darn exciting. Our first wine! Awwwww, it’s so cuuuute!

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