Calling in Stupid

No, no, don’t worry, I made it to work today but only in the basic corporeal sense. Mentally I burrowed back under the covers about two minutes after I “got up” this morning and I do believe I am still there. Lemmie check…oh yeah, got the blankie and the double pillow sandwich thing going on, I don’t expect I’ll wake up for another hour or two. It’s days like this when I wish I could call up the boss and say, “Yeah, I’m not going to be into work today because I was a dumbass and boogered around until the not so wee hours of the morning.”

It all started yesterday when someone, who shall remain nameless, found a fabulous and funny new Web Comic that is the BOMB! And then somebody else, who shall also remain nameless, stayed up until sometime this morning reading said web comic, even though their eyes started to bleed around midnight. You would think that would be a clue, but this nameless somebody else was so close to finishing all the archives (in one sitting) that they stayed up EVEN LATER until their eyes mutinied, popped out of their head and rolled themselves to bed.

There is just not enough coffee in the world after a night like that.

Anyway, go take a look (but if you are going to read the entire archive plus the annotations in one sitting, I suggest you start well before 8:40 in the evening. Unless you are a fast reader, in which case 8:40 will put you to bed about midnight (while your spouse is still 100+ comics behind you, even though she had 100+ head start on you. I’m just sayin)). The dude is whacked. Plus, he is pretty smart too, I learned all sorts of cool science factoids. Did you know that the US has one species of crocodile native to it? Here I’ve been all these years, comfy in my misconception that the US was completely crocodilelos but no! Southern Florida is home to one of the larger species of crocodile (Australia being the home to the largest). How’s that for educational? The bonus prize is the author (artist? Comix dude!) has the same physics book I do! You gotta respect the Halliday-Resnick if only for the Leidenfrost Effect essay. Hee!

Yesterday was a whole fun day of discovery! A web comic, the fact that my eyeballs can navigate from the living room to the bedroom on their own and that I can apparently follow a lasagna recipe and have it turn out. I didn’t even know lasagna had a recipe, although I suppose it must. I’ve always just layered sauce, noodles and stuff, threw it in a 350 degree oven for about an hour until it bubbles and burps tomato sauce all over, took off the foil covering and tossed on a mozzarella hat, browned and ate. (The tomato sauce burping is an integral step of lasagna making. Very important.) However, I was using no boil noodles, which I’ve never used before, so I more or less followed the recipe on the noodle package. I made an executive chef decision to nix the whole “mix the egg with the ricotta cheese” step because I was too lazy to get an egg out of the fridge and mix it up. Besides, “mix the egg with the ricotta cheese”? EW! I also threw in some freezer spinach of questionable age (also a first. The spinach that is) and since I was working with three previously unexplored variants of lasagna making, I was prepped for a mighty disaster of epic proportions. Dinking around that much can only lead to disaster! Except when it doesn’t, like last night. Other than being a tad shy in the salt department, the dish was darned tasty. Whooo!

My other discovery was how to crochet a damned afghan circle piece. I’ve dabbled in crocheting before and I really kind of like it (I see it as practical geometry) but I’ve only ever done back and forth patterns, never one that builds up around a circle. Last night I dragged out the supplies and set out to crack the mystery of the whole round thing. It’s tougher than you might think, it took me about as much time to figure out the starting pattern as it did the lasagna dish to cook. It’s all a matter of semantics: “Crochet a bunch of stitches in the circle” does not mean I have to painstakingly try to cram all the new stitches into an inadequate number of circle stitches. Rather, they want you to use the whole circle as a sort of hanger to stuff all the new stitches on. I failed to step out one order of magnitude so I spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out how to spread 11 units evenly among 4 base units rather than spreading 11 units evenly among one unit. But hey, I know the secret of crocheting circles now! Muahahahahaha!

Oh wait, I explained it so now y’all know the secret too. OK, everyone laugh with me then: Muahahahahahaha!

Ahhh, yes. I forgot to mention yesterday (because I forgot to post) that the apple wine has sprung to life in a caramely burblescence of yeast happiness. TheMan added some more yeast culture, which took it upon itself to make up for the failure of the first batch of yeast and every other batch that didn’t make it or wont make it in the near future. It’s been working so much that the whole house smells of fermented caramel apple (the brown sugar has lent a distinct caramel waft to the process) which is quite OK by my book. Mmmm, caramel. It’s also been working so hard that yesterday morning, as I was prepping the lasagna, it had built up enough pressure to shoot a fine mist of wine juice up and through the teeny tiny vent hole in the water lock. There I was, minding my business and tomato sauce, when this weird hissing keen erupted to my left. I looked over and lo! Like a small six gallon whale, the carboy was venting a three foot vapor cloud into the air. It did it again and then, quite unlike a whale, the top piece of the wine assembly shot off to parts unknown and the inside froth came boiling up and out of the neck.

Always fun and excitement at the Q house!

Just a parting note: I think one of these past days TheMan came up from the basement and said something along the lines of, “We have five empty carboys just waiting to be filled with wine. It’s a shame that they are just sitting down there not in use.” He is also mooning over a 26 gallon fermenter so I’m thinking it’s a safe bet that there may be some more wine action going on. Hmmmm, what to ferment…what to ferment…

Last year at the booniverse: Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array.

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