My Illiterate Drinking Problem

I had my annual physical today so I loaded up with all my questions for the year and headed out to get poked and prodded and whatnot. Sadly, traffic was ASS and I thought I was going to be late so my blood pressure wasn’t as awesome as it was the last time I went in (110 over 70-something. 78? 76?). Ah well.

Wait, did I mention that at all? No? Well I went in for a check-up something or other consultation thing with my new/old family planning doc (the former one left and I got a new one). Of course they took my BP because you can’t even drive near a doctor’s office without them chasing you down with a scale and a sphygmomanometer (a scale that reads at LEAST 15-20 pounds heavy…thanks for that). At least they are consistent about that so no matter what you are in for you know you will have the BP and weight done. Happily, this time around my blood pressure was significantly down from the last time I had it checked. Working out is showing progress in strange but appreciated places. Now if it would only get to shrinking my butt we’d be in business.

Anyway. Doctor’s office (I’d like to digress here and ask what’s up with their clocks? Every one of the office clocks was 10 minutes fast which seems a little hinky to me. They’ll cut you off for appointments if you are late and yet…the clocks are all fast. Heeeeeyyyyy! Before you ask, I know the clocks aren’t set right because our bedroom clock gets its time from the satellite network, which I am assuming is pretty spot on, and the bug’s clock is often 5 minutes faster than the bedroom clock. Yet I got out of the bug with 5 minutes to spare and when I walked in I was just shy of 10 minutes late. It is NOT a 15 minute walk from the parking lot folks!)

This visit wasn’t as slow as the last visit wherein I cooled my heels for about an hour waiting for 20 minutes with the new doc so I didn’t get as much of my book read as I thought I might. I did get to fill out the green health questionnaire they give out every single time I’m there (like what…maybe we had one of my grandparents exhumed and surprise! We have some new family medical history!) which annoys me. Why can’t they keep one of the copies and refer to it? Maybe ask some pertinent questions or something but instead I get to circle “No I don’t smoke” (still). “No I don’t do drugs” (still) “My family has a history of X and X and X but not Y or Y” “I’m not allergic to anything” and “I have 3-4 drinks per week”.

Sometimes they don’t even look at it which…why do I waste my time? Fortunately, my GP is pretty cool and he looked the green sheet over as well as went through my medicines to see if that was all kosher. Everything was peachy until he hit the drinks section, paused, and looked at me strangely asking, “3-4 drinks? Really?” Yeah really. I told him that we enjoy a beer or two here and there, some wine on occasion, perhaps a scotch but we’re not clockworks drinkers so I figured 3-4 drinks a week was a pretty good average. It turns out I misread the question and it was not drinks per week but drinks per day. Whoops. My doc said that we were about to have one of those conversations about the 3-4 drinks a day answer, I said my wallet wouldn’t be able to handle a 3-4 drinks per day habit so we’re all good and on the same page now.

Incidentally, when did they change-up the question from drinks/week to drinks/day? It doesn’t make much sense if you don’t drink every day because then the question involves Maths. Health questions should NEVER involve Maths and besides, 0.70 drinks per day looks to me like I leave a quarter of a beer somewhere to finish up next Tuesday or something. I do not like the new phrasing of the drinking question!

I think I also need to set my doc straight because I mentioned at least three times that I was working out and he didn’t even register it. Come on Doc! Aren’t you guys always going on about “You need to work out more” and “You need to be healthier”? Well guess what? I’M DOING THAT GODDAMNED STUFF YOU ARE ALWAYS BITCHING AT ME TO DO and you don’t even say “Good for you”? That ought to be some violation of the patient doctor privilege thing. If I’ve had go through the “You need to be more active” speech a bajillionty times (with proper contrite lax patient response), he can darned well give me a “good job” when I finally actually get to working out. Gimmie a bone Doc, crimony!

Other than that, I’m all poked and prodded for another year. Huzzah and ouchies for a double shot visit: Flu vaccine in the right arm, tetanus booster in the left. I need a hug! (Or possibly 0.75th of a drink)

2008: Drinks were measured in weeks back then so I decided not to update.

2007: Holy cow…did I just not post for an entire week?

2006: Can’t read, no post today.

2005: JSFR: Lotte Inryo Mix 5

2004: Day…four I think of the “Teach boo to sew” project and DQ’s machine has not gone up in a brilliant cloud of smoke. Yet.

2003: JSFR: Edamame Pretz

One Response to “My Illiterate Drinking Problem”

  1. Mumses Says:

    Good Job!! Not just about working out, but the blog itself. I think you may have a book somewhere in you, or at least a comic strip. Well maybe I’m a little subjective. No, you are clever.

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