Accidental Low Fat Muffin Review

Hoooo! It must be a Monday because I see MUFFINS! Everyone at home playing the boo blog game can mark a point down on your papers. So yes, I was the baking Demi-goddess this weekend only because I managed to accidentally make two batches of muffins low fat by forgetting to put any oil in the recipe whatsoever. I totally blame The Joy of Cooking for that because unlike Betty Crocker, who organizes ALL the ingredients (wet to dry for those lazy bakers who like to float and mix their dry ingredients on top of the wet ingredients before mixing everything all together, there by using only one bowl) first and foremost before anything else save the title, Joy does not. No, Joy has to list a couple of (dry) ingredients, then talk about them, then list one or two more, talk about them, list the next one and so on. It is very difficult for me to pick out the ingredients through the layers of how to blah blah between each section. Then, Joy goes and puts something like: 4 to 6 tablespoons of butter or margarine softened to room temperature, which takes up three paragraphs of space and looks to mein eye like how to blah blah. So, I skipped it.

Hey, all I want my recipes to tell me is 1. What goes in it. 2. How many come out of it. 3. What temperature am I baking it at. and 4. How long do I bake it. Oh sure, I like the little blurbits now and then that tell me not to add lemon directly to the milk because it will curdle but basically, I just need the bare bones stuff. Someday I will take a picture of the pumpkin pie recipe I have been working off of for years and you can see exactly how minimalist baking can get. The pie turns out pretty tasty too, once you triple the spices. ANYHOW, so I made two batches of muffins (orange-cranberry in the back mostly. They are the ones with the funny blooby muffin tops. The front muffins, both big and small, are squash-white chocolate chip) and managed to biff the adding of the oil in both cases. No worries, they came out tasting pretty good.

I even got to use my new zester too! Interesting that, since it was a new toy and since it didn’t work quite how I expected it to work, I thought I might go rummaging through Joy to see if it might have a section on How To Drive A Zester. Joy is the BOMB for that sort of stuff. I eventually figured out a way to work the zester, albeit I don’t know if it is the intended way but had I not, I am sure Joy could have helped me out. Joy also seems to have about five times the recipes Betty Crocker has, including a bazillion variants of any given recipe so Joy shines in that aspect as well. Joy, however, does not have pretty pictures of all the tasty dishes you can make where as Betty is all about the 8×10 color glossy photos. Score Betty.

Bettty also serves as my recipe holder, which can either be a good thing or a bad thing…depending on what height she has been dropped from.

Did I just spend three paragraphs talking about baking?

You know, I’d start in on the recap right now but as usual I can not remember what we did on Friday. TheMan was sick and I went shopping, then I cam home and something probably really uneventful happened and it was Saturday. Sounds like a good Friday recap to me!

Saturday was my turn to feel blargh so I napped until about 3 and then went out to do some last minute shopping. I have no idea what I did not get the first time but I did wind up grabbing another oil filter wrench of the type I am hoping does the filter removing trick. I got home, people came over and we hosted the last Smithee viewing night of the ’04 season. The ’04 clipping season went out with a small disconsolate sigh. Ugh. We decided on Angry Red Planet (filmed in migraine-o-vision), Kung Fu: The Punch of Death (here’s a hypothesis: Kung-fu and porn are the same film but different genera. No, think about it! Porn has some unlikely sequence that leads up to hot monkey lovin and Kung-fu has some unlikely sequence that leads up to drunk monkey fighting) and last, Legion of the Night (Cybernetic Zombie Assassins…why didn’t *I* think of that?).

Angry Red Planet had the best lime jell-o dish suds Martian Killer Amoeba F/X I have ever seen in a movie. Tasty too! It was also filmed in some happy skippy what-sit-scope-vision which basically meant everything planet side was run through a polarizing filter and then a red Martian filter just to give the audience the feeling that they are really there, man. What they wound up with is the feeling of “OH MY GOD! MY EYEBALLS ARE ON FIIIIIIIRE!”. UGH! It did make me cheer any time that they were in danger or someone got hurt because it meant that the whole crew would go rushing inside the rocket which was not filmed in BrainMelt-o-vision. It also had the suXX0r of all sUXXy endings. Ever. It made Splody-vision one of the nicer parts of the film.

Kung Fu: The Punch of Death was made much better by my revelation that porn and Kung Fu are more or less the same thing but with different emphasis. You heard it here first: Kung Fu Porn, the genera of the future! The fun, the excitement, will our heroes kill the pizza delivery man or strip him to his g-string? Other than our own editorializing, this movie was a waste of 90 minutes. It yielded two Smithee potentia and about three million innuendo moments.

Legion of the Night is a Matt Jaissle film which should say all that there is to say about this film. Any film where the hero has to die and be zombiefied in order to stop the zombie assassins has got to be…well something. Legion of the Night certainly was just that. For the record, Zombie Lake had better Zombie versus Zombie action.

Sunday we wuz mostly lazy. TheMan did his wine project, which included some tasting of the wine as he racked it over. He says the cranberry is sweetie sweet, the strawberry is rather more devoid of strawberriness than he would have liked, the apple is tasty but not yet ready and the pumpkin has an interesting honey flavor to it. We need to do more wines! I’m going to put my vote in for cranberry apple.

I also went out and picked up a crocheting book I saw on Friday but did not get. It had a pattern in it that I really liked, but I couldn’t see spending seven bucks on a book for one pattern. However, it was one of those rare books by a person and not a company so I could not find it on line for free. Hence, I went and spent the money anyway and wound up happily crocheting most of the evening. Oh, and I watched some X-Files and only have ONE MORE EPISODE TO GO! Whoooo.

OK, there you have it. One long rambling recap. Oh! And also…

TheMan gets all artsy with the muffins for your moment of Zen. Another point for those of you playing at home.

Last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Jellycake (brown)

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