Driving like ASS!

Why does it seem that 5 out of 7 drivers got their license as the toy surprise in a Cracker Jack box?

Here in the lovely northern Midwest we get snow. Not as much as the upper part of the state, which got somewhere around 370ish inches of snow last year and certainly not as much as upstate New York, where snow is bred and shipped to other states in the union, but we get snow. It’s white, it falls, and it makes things slick. Slick people! Are you listening to me? Slip-er-ry. As in kindly get your hood out of the ass of my car because if I slide or stop suddenly there is going to be no room but IN my car for your impatient butt munch self. I don’t want to have to get my car fixed because you refuse to show one iota of weather and road respect and hey! Don’t give me that look! Your driving 2 inches from my bumper and having to slam on the breaks and skid is in no way my fault so keep your snotty “What the hell” looks to your self, ass wipe. Not my problem if you are genetically too stupid to drive safely. Fucker.

I got hit by a bus today. Yup, big old bus smacked into the bugs ass end BANK on the way in to work. I don’t blame the bus driver much beyond the point of “Yeah, umm, hey – did you notice it was a bit slick out? Right, and you do know that these big old busses don’t exactly stop on a dime right? Yeah, well next time could you leave a bit more room? Thanks.” OK, yeah it happens, I’ve done it myself. You’re driving along and you realize a second too late that either you were going too fast or the roads are slipperier than you though and SMACK there you are. No prob. What I’m all riled up about it the waste of oxygen who caused this whole two vehicle pile up in the first place.

Coming down the road, I see a guy back out of a drive way and start on his merry way driving the same direction I am going. I slow down, give him time to speed up and get going except he has other plans. He stops after a couple of car lengths and sits there. Dead in the road. I stop, I slide a bit, I come to a full stop about a car length behind him and I have one of those “What the hell?” moments. Then he puts it into reverse. “Oh, backing up lights, he must want to-” BAM! Yeah, imagine my surprise when I turn to see a gigantic bus in my rear window. Great. Mr. Stop in traffic? Still waiting for his parking spot that he wants, two cars behind him and about where I am sitting.

So, I get the number of the bus and get out to see what damage has been done. Mr. Parking? still waiting. Give it up slow wit. Your spot? FORFEIT! On any other day stopping several cars ahead of your “prime” spot is just asinine but today it’s dumb, stupid AND dangerous. One car length, Mr. Parking, one and how about a turn signal next time? And while you are at it, that left across the street to get the parking spot on the other side of the road you must have pulled? A bunch of dumb when it’s snowy and slick out. OK, just give up the ghost on the space. No, don’t sit there with your back up light on patiently waiting, you ain’t gonna get this space. If you haven’t noticed there is a bit of an accident here because of your prime space maneuvering Mmm’kay? NOT GETTING THIS SPOT TODAY, please kindly quit with the back up lights and the exasperated looks. Seriously, the half bake sat there for a minute or more with his reverse lights on looking at me with that “Hey, are you going to move out of my maneuvering space so I can park there or what?” expression on his face. Love to move, have a bus in my trunk. So sorry about the inconvenience.

So naturally, he takes off. Of course he does, because Mr. Parking is late for whatever it is he is doing and has to find a whole other parking space now and it’s just ruining his day. Hey, by the way, you know that was leaving the scene of an accident there Mr. Parking. Well, that’s OK he’s special and that rule doesn’t apply to him in this situation. I bet he doesn’t have to come to complete stops either or slow down for yellow lights. Awwww, ain’t that just dandy?

Here’s a tip for the day: if you are ever in an accident in inclement weather, tangling with a bus kinda rocks. Except for the getting whacked part. I moseyed over to the bus after pulling over to a non trafficked area and headed up to talk with the driver dude. He was pretty cool and let me in so we could do the whole exchange of info deal. Busses are warm! Man, that was some sort of bliss to be hanging in the toasty of the bus waiting for the police to show up. Bus Dude Dave saw the whole thing and agreed with my assessment of Mr. Parking. Unfortunately neither of us got the plate numbers as Mr. Parking sped away. Damnit.

I got to learn a lot about Bus Dude Dave, like he has been driving for 16 years and has only had three accidents in that time, this being his first rear ending. Not to bad for driving a huge honking buss thing in the streets of this town. Bus Dude Dave also has a 4 month old grand kid who’s pretty cute and baby pudgy (and all sorts of smiles) whom B.D. Dave pretty proud of. The bus he was driving today is not his regular bus and he was just about to go on break when this happened. If he doesn’t get back on the road, his Super will probably pick up his shift until he is freed up. Why do I know so much about Bus Dude Dave? It must have been the 45 minutes I spent with him waiting (in the warm!) for police to show up. 45 minutes for them to get to the way boonies of across the street from the police station. 45 minutes! That’s not driving like ass, that’s service that sucks like ass. Maybe it was coffee time and they couldn’t be bothered to walk across the street for fear of the coffee getting cold and the donuts going stale.

The officer, when he arrive (from a remote location, I might add, the dude was on patrol and had to get to us, across the street from HQ from somewhere else on his route) was also pretty cool. He took our names, numbers blah blah information cakes and by 9:20ish I was on my way. The best part of this story is that the only visible damage to the bug is a popped out light covering for one of the license plate lights and the housing of said plastic bit which had broken off as well. The bus on the other hand had its passenger side (if you can designate the right side of a bus as passenger) bumper pushed in about 2 or 3 inches. WhoooYAW! Bug 1: Bus 0!

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