The Booniverse Speaks Back

It’s like voices except written and you don’t need a shrink! Right! OK, so here are the answers to the April fool’s guess boo. Enjoi.

1. My first word was “Cookie”

Absolutely true! In fact, I am told that my mumses, grandmum and I were out shopping when I grabbed a bag of cookies and proclaimed “Cookie” (it was good enough for me). My grandmum bought me the cookies on the spot. Awwww, I love me grandmum!

OH! Hey wait…”MANSION“.

Hmmmm. Perhaps it only works when you are small and speaking your first word. I should go back in time and teach my baby self to say “Trust Fund” or “New Car” or something (although I bet the cookies were pretty darned yum to a one plus year old). Maybe I just need said object in hand. I’m going to have to do some more experimenting.

2. As a small child, I was all about the sharing

Oh absolutely! If you had something I didn’t, I was all about the sharing. My catch phrase was “Let’s share!” (thank you Sesame Street!) and I was nice as could be while you divvied up whatever it was that I wanted. However. Lo be unto anyone who tried the reciprocal. My stuff was MY stuff and you were having none of it so help you God (or any strong force of nature willing to endure a two/three year old’s (un)righteous indignation). I guess I didn’t latch on to the “and share alike” part of the axiom so well, but I had “Share” down to a science.

3. I was ecstatic about getting a little sister to play with

Ding! Ding! Ding! Three trues in a row! My parents explained to me (when my mumses was preggers with sis) that I would be getting a baby brother or baby sister to play with. WOW! My own playmate! We could read books or play dinosaurs or laugh at the Electric Company together and then maybe late at night we can stay up talking for hours (actually minutes when you factor in the child time dilation principle) after lights out and giggle when our parents hollered at us to be quiet. It was going to be SO! FUN! The baby was going to be my best friend ever!

Then they brought her home.

There is a picture of me sitting in front of my sister’s play pen a few days after she was brought home and I’m sure my parents are all “Awwww, this is boo’s first meeting with her little sister. Look at how she is sitting there being so sisterly already!”. In reality I think that day is one of my earliest clear memories (no doubt enhanced by the existence of the pic) and I am not being all sisterly at all. I’m trying to figure out where my baby sister is because this…this…THING that hangs out in the crib is NOT a playmate by any definition of playmate that a three year old possesses. The THING in the crib hardly moves at all, and when it does it just cries or burps and sleeps. THIS IS NOT MY PLAYMATE! I WAS PROMISED A PLAYMATE!

So yeah, until my sister was actually brought home and I realized that the squalling red lumpy raisin looking baby wasn’t going to be going outside for a good bout of sand box digging any time soon, I was all excited about her being part of the family.

4. I wet my bed in protest after my sister was brought home

Pffft, do I look like a bed wetter? I think not. And yuck because you have to then sleep in the wet spot after you do the deed and that wet spot gets all cold and NARST really fast. No, I wet the other bed in my bedroom. HA! I wasn’t a dummy even back then. Bring home a lumpy squalling raisin person will you…well then I’ll just show you how not happy I am about THAT then won’t I?

You know, I have no recollection of this at all, which is probably a good thing. My mumses said I even pulled down my jammie bottoms so I wouldn’t get them all wet, tootled over to the other bed, did my protesting business, then tootled back to my own warm (and dry!) bed and went back to sleep. That does seem like something I would do though and I am quite amused. Even as a little boo I was all about the creature comforts of my person. Wet MY bed? Yuck!

5. I “voted” for Ford in our grade school elections because my dad worked for Ford

Sadly, yes. Well hey, is a fifth grader supposed to be a politically aware entity? Chuyah. Besides, Ford was a republican and the republican symbol was an elephant. You can not go wrong by elephants in my book (and plus plus, my dad worked for Ford- of the cars – so that’s two good things going for old Jerry right? Right? Absolutely!).

6. I had a pet gerbil

Sadly, we weren’t allowed to have any pets other than the family pets (one cat, one dog) and fish. The family pets weren’t so jazzed by my sister and me (well mostly the cat, but I used to chase the beegeebus out of the cat when I was small and dumb) and the dog was everyone’s dog so we never had our own real pets. Fish don’t count because you can’t cuddle and play with fish. At least not for very long. I did take home the desert gerbil in the seventh grade science room one summer. He was pretty cool and gerbilly.

7. I made it to the corner and back my first try without training wheels

Ahhhh! My deep dark secret! Oh the shame! See, when I was learning to ride without training wheels, my parents told me that if I could ride all the way to the corner and back without touching my feet to the ground, I could get a big girl bike. I made it to the corner but wobbled the turn around and had to put a foot down (or take a header on the sidewalk). I cycled back and told them that I did it (Hooray! Sort of Hooray. Mostly) and they were all happy and proud. And I got my big girl bike.

Sorry mumses….does this mean you are going to take away my bike now?

(Actually, I sort of wonder if they couldn’t see me the whole time, I mean we only lived three houses from the corner.)

8. I took every opportunity to ditch my sister when my mom left me in charge at the grocery store

Hell yeah. Stupid squalling raisin person OF COURSE I took every opportunity to leave her eating my dust. OK, this was when we were much older, say 6 and 3 so she wasn’t so much a raisin person anymore (but she didn’t drop the squalling so fast) but man, I hated being left to guard my sis while my mumses went and got something from somewhere else.

And as a side note to mumses…You left your 6 and 3 year old kids in the toy aisle alone?!??!?

So anyway, mumses would tell me to watch my sis (grrrr!) while she (mumses) went over to another aisle to pick up whatever it was. As soon as my mumses was out of sight, I’d book it to the other end of the aisle and turn the corner. FREE! Sis, being three years younger, wasn’t as fast so she’d try to keep up, but then I’d be half way down the next aisle and doubling back. I never left my sis completely, just played hide and seek with her…except she thought she was abandoned and I was all “Hee hee! She can’t see me!”. Inevitably, sis would get tired and scared and then…the wail. Sis could wail louder than a tornado siren. She was louder than three tornado sirens together in one small room. Sis had her the lungs and when she got tired of my game of ditch sis, she’d crank up those lungs and wail in a glass shattering keen “boooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!”

Which every single person in a five mile radius heard, including my mumses. I got in so much trouble for that.

9. For my fifth birthday, my parents got me turtles

But they told me they did! For my fifth birthday I got a five gallon fish tank with fish, but for some reason my parents stopped at the fish store on the way home with my sis and I still in the car and picked up the fish. I remember them being in Chinese take out containers, which seemed really weird to me so I asked “What’s in the boxes?” After this and that, I managed to find out that the boxes were my birthday present (hooray!) so of course all the way home it was “What’s in the boxes?” Finally, my mumses or dad said there were turtles in the boxes. YAY! I was getting turtles for my birthday!!! Which I wasn’t. But fish are cool (and to this day I am quite fond of fish tanks). I had two angel fish, a guppy and a catfish to start out with but the guppy died within a week (he was always the first to the top of the tank when I fed them and the last to leave. I called him Snarf and he was the biggest, fattest guppy I have ever seen).

10. My sister and I used to eat ice cream and watch the “verboten” TV when my parents were out

Duhhhh, of COURSE we used to sneak ice cream and watch the “verboten” shows. Growing up in the boo house we weren’t allowed to drink pop, eat sugar cereal (which was everything else besides regular Cheerios, Wheaties, Wheat Chex and corn flakes) or have candy (willy nilly, Of course we got Halloween candy and Easter candy and Christmas candy, there was just never any candy in the house for snacking on) and we were not allowed to watch cartoons and some other TV programs. I think we might have been limited to one hour of our own TV choosing a day, but I don’t rightly remember. I never saw any Spiderman except for the episodes I saw over at my friend’s house. The only cartoon we really got to watch was Voltron and He-Man (which we didn’t like much) because they were on when mumses was still out wherever she went when we got home from school. Johnny Sako and the Flying Robot? Never saw it. I’m told there was a Mario and Pac Man cartoon but I’ve never seen them either.

Oh! True story! So my sis and I would usually sneak some part of dessert from the night before or ice cream if there happened to be some in the freezer and turn on the TV to watch whatever was on. It didn’t much matter what was on since we never had much of a scheduled time to devote to one show and besides WE WERE WATCHING TV!!!! We also used to wait a good 10 minutes before becoming little hellions just to wait out the return time. That would be the time it takes for one of the parents to say, “OH! We forgot thingity-hoo”, turn around and come back home. We figured if they were 10 minutes out, they were past the point of going back. Mostly we were right (and when they did come back they would pat the TV to see if it was warm. Damn TV, always welching on us with the whole heat thing). One day we weren’t so we had to quick hide the evidence, which included putting two half eaten bowls of ice cream back in the freezer. Which we forgot about because I believe the ‘rents came home and stayed home. Then, a day or so later, mumses opened the freezer and uh-oh.

Last year at the booniverse: Nothing to read, move along.

Last last year at the booniverse: I want so much snow that it fills up the light wells (and zen you will have snow in your light well!) at least past the first window pain.

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