Igor Bars

Today’s recipe specialty comes from Dork Tower and is probably best made as a half batch and then eaten in 1 inch pieces. Unless you are a champion food eater, in which case you could probably risk a 2 inch piece.

I have no idea how these came up but when I heard of them I thought immediately of the Smithee Awards. Of course we usually test out our crazy Smithee food ideas on each other before releasing them to the wilds of the snack table so I gathered the ingredients and whipped up a batch. You should really follow the link because it’s done with cartoons and everything and all I have are words. Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere fast so go on and see the original.

Done? OK. Here’s the basic recipe:

Igor Bars
Serves one to eight. One gamer or eight ordinary people.

OK the pan style cookie sheet is the easy part. Just make sure the pan is well-greased and that it’s lined with waxed paper.

Any chocolate chip bag has the recipe on it. You just need to make sure that they’re chewy and not too dry when they’re done.

While they’re cooling you’ll start to preparing the caramel. You’ll need about a hundred chunks and a double boiler. Remember to add three teaspoons of milk to them as they melt or they’ll crystallize as they cool.

But before you pour the caramel over the pan style cookie base, scatter a cup and a half of peanuts over it.

The caramel acts as the glue holding the cookie base to the rice krispy treat topping. Use a full recipe (about 6 cups of Rice Krispies), and press into the caramel. Then melt 16 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate using the double boiler and spoon over the bars. Top this with penut M&Ms, toffee or anything else you think is excessive.

Let cool for half an hour. Slice

Production notes

1. OMG! That’s a lot of cookie stuff. We went with Toll House cookie bars because they are the original. I also should have let them cook longer since we sort of lost the cookie layer from squooshage.

2. I would suggest using those Kraft ready made caramel bits instead of unwrapping 2 bags of squares. We only made a half batch but one bag of individually unwrapping caramels was enough. I wish I had thought of those cooking pieces. They also melt faster on account of being smaller.

3. The rice krispy treat halving didn’t go as well as planned. Maybe my marshmallows were too old (they had been hanging about for quite a while) or maybe space time warps when you half the box recipe but woah did they turn out weird. The mallow didn’t melt right and then we added the krispies and things went delightfully pear shaped. LunarGeography and I were in stitches as I tried to mix my poor glom of glop into a respectable treat. We got…something but it was sure the strangest rice kripsy treating I’ve ever participated in.

4. We had toffee bits for toppers because I had leftover toffee bits. One of the tasters suggested the recipe could have been improved with whipped cream. We killed him and burried him out back. Now you know why LunarGeography’s tomatoes grow so well.

5. Given that this is a really rich cookie, a full pan (about a 9×13 I imagine; we made an 8×8 and it overflowed a bit) would probably go a long way at the Smithees.

6. They were very tasty.

2009: Already today I’ve squirtched myself in the face with the garden hose and with coffee when I ripped the tab off of my lid.

2008: Igor bar coma.

2007: Means no update for you.

2006: They probably got to the last standing wall and just pushed over all “plipt” into the rest of the pile. Shouldn’t taking down an entire building be destructive or something?

2005: They were rich.

2004: I mean really rich.

2003: So rich I didn’t update for like EVER!

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