Shit List

I do believe I’m going to get all thinky here so ifn you popped over for a happy fun loving boo post, you might want to pop back tomorrow. I promise to write some fluff weekend stuff like my skirmish with the Horde or the copious amounts of World of Warcraft TheMan and I have been playing. But for now, some thinks.

So. People. I’ve been thinking about people a bit lately. There are a few people in my life that I am developing a good strong loathing for and interacting with them is getting to be like rubbing my brain against a cheese grater. Sure, everybody gets on my shit list now and then because let’s face it: I have a very low tolerance for a lot of things and I am prone to The Crank. There is not a more expedient shit listing combo than that, my friends and people fly right up there in a moments notice. Wearing the color blue today? BAMN! Shit list. Sometime it even makes as much sense as that.


I delist people pretty much as fast as I list them so if you come back tomorrow your name probably wont be anywhere on the list. Well, I take that back. Sometimes I stew a bit so give it a couple of days and you’re pretty safe. It takes a concerted effort of repeated list offenses before I develop a low level distaste for your person.

Oh, not your person because I like you, loyal reader (unless you might be wearing blue today. Pretty much that’s a kicker right to the shit list), it’s the other people I’m talking about. Those people who continue to annoy me and don’t stop with the annoying until I’m thoroughly annoyed and walk around with a permascowl because they are bothering the living beegeebus out of me. And if you do happen to be one of those people (which I doubt) then cut it out, MmmmKAY? You are making me cranky(er) and TheMan suffers from it. Do you really want to put him through that? He’s a nice boy, he deserves your pity and compassion (and his wife really, really wants you to cut that the fuck out already).

Back to the cheese grater. There are a lot of flaws I’ll let go because life is too short to waste time on the little stuff (and it takes effort to maintain an enduring crank and we all know where I stand on effort) but I stand pretty firm and inflexible when it comes to respect. Everyone initially deserves some form of respect, even if it is the basic “I respect you as a human being”. It’s not that hard and believe you me, you make a lot more friends (or friendlies) by following the basic rule of “be nice(ish)”. I get that there are some people who are perma-dicks in this world but until someone shows me their dicky colors I’m going to go with the assumption that they are a basically decent person. I think most people are, for the most part, and I think most people would rather be approached on a friendly respectful level.

However, it does seem that this opinion is not held by a few repeat (cheese grater) people and for you perma-listers lemmie ‘splain.

RULE NUMBER ONE There Is Always A Bigger Fish

I get that some people are experts in their field and right as rain, when the conversation turns to the Spotted Lumpy Fish of the Fiji Islands I’ll stand back and shut up ‘cuz I know jack about the Spotted Lumpy Fish. I’m not even going to argue with Spotted Lumpy Fish Joe (who has a doctorate in Spotty Lumpy Fishology) because he is the Spotted Lumpy Fish Man. Even if I think that Spotty Lumpy Fish Joe is wrong, he probably isn’t and I need to just keep my yap shut. Oh I might say something like “Hey really? Spotted Lumpy Fish can live up to three weeks out of water? That’s really unusual for a fish. Don’t they get all crispy?” but if Joe says it’s so, then Joe knows. You know? No matter how much I know about fish, which is probably more than the average Joe because I’ve had aquariums on and off since I was 5, Joe’s trained in Spotted Lumpy Fishology and I’m not. Telling Lumpy Fish Joe that I think he’s wrong about his field of study isn’t garnering me any points; it’s just pissing Spotty Lumpy Fish Joe off. Aint nothing more irritating than being challenged on your area of expertise by someone who *thinks* they know better.

Corollary to RULE NUMBER ONE No, there really is a bigger fish and sometimes that fish is actually a large bird, or a really big mouse or something.

This one is mostly for the Spotted Lump Fish Joes of the world because sometimes a doctorate in Spotty Lumpy Fishology goes right to the owner’s (practitioner’s?) head. I said that I get that you are the expert in your field, there is no need to cop a ‘tude about it. There is especially no need to think yourself a step or two above everyone else because you have a doctorate in Spotty Lumpy Fishology. As soon as we are in the Fiji homelands of the Spotted Lumpy Fish, then I’ll afford you your Doctor of Lumpyfish respect but standing in line at Starbucks? Not so much. For all you know, I could be a noted coffee house critic or a bean maven or the head of the caffeine cartel, in which case your fishy butt is getting on my nerves. Do people not get that being good at one thing does not automatically mean you are better than everyone else who is not good at that one thing? Everyone is good at something so just shut up and tone it down.

RULE NUMBER TWO It’s The Service Industry’s Job To Provide Service, Not Slavery.

OK, what is up with people who have no more respect for service industry employees than they do their version of Excel? No really, I do not get why anyone would go at requesting service from someone as if that person were some sort of thing that lived and breathed to do the bidding of the requester. True, the service industry exists to provide service but these people are still people and a little basic respect can’t be that hard to muster up, can it? I can pretty much guarantee that dealing with service people in a friendly manner gets one more perks and boons than coming in with an air of entitlement, both from being a provider and from needing service. Who is more likely to help you out when you have an error on your bill, the waitress you have just said “I need you to get me a clean glass” to, or the one whom you have asked “Could I get another glass? This one’s got a smudge on it”? If you can’t see a difference, you might want to thoroughly check your food if you usually parlay with your wait staff in the manner of the first example.

Whew! I’m getting cranky just thinking about this. I’m going to quit with the rules for now and go find a good nap and a nice cozy snuggle.

Last year at the booniverse: So there was much fun too among all the responsible stuff. I love weekends like that.

Last last year at the booniverse: Being more lazy than responsible I’m afraid: no entry this day.

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