A Word from Little Kitty

I’m hearing mutterings in the wind about kittens. Nobody has yet asked *my* opinion about this so I decided to take the initiative and lay it out for you: There isn’t much room for kittens in this house.

See? Look how tiny this little treasure puppet is and the bed is crowded! Kittens get way bigger than this thing.

This over here is a one cat lap. I read the capacity warnings and it clearly states the occupancy of this lap is one cat. I am one cat, therefor there is no room for kittens.

Not even if they are this small because you know they will grow up to be big ol’ lap hogs.

There is no room for kittens in this box.

And also in this box. You wouldn’t want a poor sad kitten to not have any box would you?

They would also not be able to hang out on top of the futon either since it’s rated ‘one cat’. Really, there is no one to blame but catmom and catdad for not buying a two cat futon, although come to think on it I do not believe they even make a two cat futon.

This is my one cat chair. Sorry kittens, this is a futon chair and as we established above, they do not make two cat futons.

I know we used to fit two cats in this bed but that was back in the day before I realized what a silly idea it was to stuff two cats in here. I’m pretty sure the tag says “cat bed” and not “cats bed” so any kittens would have to get their own cat bed if they wanted to sleep in one.

A corollary to that is any cat bed in the house is mine. Just thought I’d get that out there. Also the bookshelves are mine too. I would let any kittens have the rocking chair except I’m reserving that for later when I might want to sit there.

Orca? I guess it’s true what they say.

I also want to forewarn any kittens that think they might be staying here that we are full up on pettin hands. All four hands in this house are my pettin hands so perhaps you might want to go to another house where you will have hands to pet you.

Not only is there no room on this chair for kittens, there is no room on this chair anymore for humans. I am sad that you can’t play your computer games; might as well use that time to scritch my head.

I have not yet decided if there is room for kittens under randomly tossed shirts. On one hand, it wont be me that’s shirted (which I hate by the way) and that I could live with happily. On the other hand, it would mean that I’d have to share space with a kitten who would eventually sit in my laps or use up my scritchie hand resources. Hmmmm.

2009: There is no room for kittens here.

2008: Apparently, the survey that went out wasn’t expressly labeled “You must do this or else!!1!” and I expressed to not do it.

2007: “Are you 40 yet Boo? We need you on your main so we can do Heroic Slop Fest.” “Fuck off.”

2006: Or here either.

2005: JSFR: Tomato Pretz

2004: Definitely not here, what are you crazy?

2003: Yeah, let’s make a toy where kids can pull the head clean off. That sounds like a brilliant plan.

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