Yeah, I know. Here we go again with the boo hooing (heh!) but sometimes I just gotta vent and today is y’all’s lucky day. So! In no particular order:

Frustration 1: Stupid Shipper Savings. GodDAMN it pisses me off. I might even go so far as to write ‘fucking Amazon and their stupid shipper savings’ because it’s pissing me off to no end. Why? Because when they first came out with it and you clicked the happy little “Yes please! Save me the shipping” button you got your packages maybe 2 or 3 days later than you would have had you chosen the next fastest shipping option. So, if you happened to order some stuff regular shipping on the…say…9th of August (just to pick a date completely out of thin air) which happens to be last Tuesday you might expect it at your house on Friday the 12th if you were lucky, most probably by Saturday (the 13th) and definitely by Monday (the 15th) on the outside. Add three days for Stupid Shipper Savings and you would have your package in your hot little hands by today, the 18th. It was a pretty sweet deal and worth the small wait for things that you didn’t have to have right away.

Of course that’s how they get you. The first one’s free and you think “Hey! Stupid Shipper Savings is worth it!” so you start ordering things with the slight delay because what’s a couple of days right? You’re saving 6 whole dollars! Then suddenly, a couple of days turns in to maybe a week and the next thing you know your August 9th order is estimated to arrive on August 30th. What the-August 30th?!?! You’re kidding me right? August 30th? That’s 21 days of shipping! What the hell is it doing for 21 days…Sightseeing? Bar hopping? Walkabout? Mini-course on global economics? Really, I want to know because when I got the e-mail that said the theoretical package had finally left the roost this Monday (the 15th) I was all sorts of happy. Whooo! My theoretical package!

So I theoretically waited for it to clear credit customs, then leave from Lexington, then get to Allen Park (where I guess a sorting stop for UPS lives) and then to…to…to…well anything really. As of the 16th there has been no theoretical updates from Allen Park, except to say that my package will make the 25 mile hike to my house over the next 15 days. Have a nice day and thank you for using Stupid Shipper Savings. Smiles!

NO! No smiles. I could walk to Lexington and back quicker than this package will get to me and 21 DAYS IS NOT BY ANY REASONABLE EXPECTATION 3-5 DAYS MORE THAN REGULAR SHIPPING! Stupid fucking shit ball Stupid Shipper Savings. Argh! Which leads me to

Frustration 2: Damnit little q, get conceived already will you? Want to know what I ordered in the Stupid “Never ever gonna get to me” Shipper Savings package? A book recommended to me (by TheRCK and LunarGeography) all about fertility because no one tells you JACK about it. FAH! When I invent a time machine I’m going to go back and smack my gynecologist and my primary health care doctors because both of them were all ambiguously “Oh, there’s plenty of good stuff out there” without committing to any one source or sources of getting pregnant material.

OK, I know how one gets pregnant in the general large scope of things (and it’s pretty fun practicing too!) but the nitty gritty specific details? No one tells you those! Do you think high school human development talked about basal temperatures, cervical mucus or cervix position? Did any of my docs tell me about temp charting or what are the best times to…ahhh…”practice”? Nope. I had to get my info from the web (where all those kids are getting all that porn) and you can imagine what a night mare that is. The web has all sorts of things to tell me and after weeding through the guaranteed frog cures and time tested habenero remedies I found a couple somewhat reputable sites. Somewhat in that one was a very general basic cookie cutter overview, which is great if you are a cookie but not so much if you aren’t. I spent three month following their advice only to realize that I was off by a week for “the best fertility results”. BAH!

Remind me to go visit my last August self while I’m time traveling and get me started temp tracking. It would be nice to have a few months of data before we started in on this whole family plan thing. The numbers person in me would really geek over that.

Long longer, TheRCK and LunarGeography really liked this one book so I ordered it, thinking it could mosey to my house in a week’s time and I’d still be able to browse through it with expectation (ha!) and use it for the August attempt at a little q. However, by August 30th, the August window for little q will have come and gone and HATE! Big ball of HATE for Stupid Shipper Savings. GARH!

Frustration 3: HOUSE! Ugly, dirty, nappy HOUSE (and condo). Seriously, I need to hire some construction elves and some dishes elves and some dusting elves because I certainly aint doing it, TheMan certainly aint doing it and it certainly aint getting done by itself. Being a grown up sux sometimes because when are there not projects that have to be done? Oh wait, we need a mower elf and a brush removal elf too. Damn! GAH! And a gutter cleaner elf (although we did clean the front gutters) and why not throw in a garden elf too since for the third year running I have no garden. *grumble*

OK, maybe not all those elves, but things would sure be a little easier with a tidying elf, a mower elf and a dishes elf. I hate being my own elf, I’m way too tall. And another thing, is it just me or has time sped up recently? Not only is it August already (August!!!) but general day to day time seems to go much faster. We work the whole day, get home, eat, clean up (you know, if we actually did on a regular basis) and then it’s time to go to bed. Where’s my few hours of unwinding time? I need some lazy time to recharge my batteries. I think that’s why TheMan and I tend to put off projects (like dishes) because if we don’t then it’s solid on the go time with no chance to relax. Who authorized that? I wanna talk to their superiors!

Frustration 4: My job. Job job job. AURRRGH! SUCK! Well, OK the work is actually not that bad at all in terms of things I can be doing for money. On the scale of fast food to sitting on my ass getting paid, my Job falls somewhere in the middle of the two. Yeah, it’s not my life dream to be an administrative assistant for the rest my days but on the other hand it’s pretty easy work and the benefits are the bomb. However, there are other aspects that drive me bat shit nuts, which I wont go into but to say AARRGGHHHHHHH!

I hope you have enjoyed flying boo rant air where a lot of the same old same old comes back again and again. Thank you and have a nice day.

Last year at the booniverse: Polyester and hot burner don’t get along, apparently.

Last last year at the booniverse: So I did what every red blooded American would do when they see a spider the size of Cleveland (but with more electricity) racing through their house. I grabbed the nearest cat and plopped it down in the spider’s path.

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