What Ails Me

Today is a crank day, not that you can really tell from a non-crank day, but it seems I’ve got some crankin to let out and guess what! It’s your (un)lucky day!

First I want to visit Victor, my seasonal fall headache. I’m thinking I might just have to come up with a more spring like name for his warming weather brother headache I’ll get around the end of March and all through April, but I’ll cross that bridge when I burn it. For now, I am gettin a good crank factor from old Victor (he goes by his full name, my headache does) who has lodged so permanently in my head I’m convinced I have a giant snot tumor in my sinuses. Can snot metastasize? Maybe the cold weather is making my whole head shrink and thereby making my sinuses smaller. Y’all know you can’t compress a liquid and since the snot aint spurting out my head holes that means it’s probably trying to squish up against my brain. My brain don’t take to squishin!

I need a turkey baster and an ice pick. So! Much! Sinus! Pressure!

I’m quite sure all this would be a little less crankizing if I had remembered to take some decongestants this morning but no. Something shiny! happened and I totally forgot about it until the drive in when my teeth began to hurt because SNOT! Pressing on the roots of my teeth! Since my head is shrinking and my brain is having none of the squishing, the only other place to go is my teeth roots. And ears, but we haven’t gotten to the ears yet.

Then again, all the cavities in all my teeth could have all started clamoring at once, which I totally blame on the cancelled dental appointment yesterday. Teeth didn’t hurt Sunday, U screwed up and got our appointment cancelled Monday, teeth hurt not five minutes after that. Don’t ask, but the long short is the U is a fickle beast. Sometimes, it can be a very cool and fantastic place (re: Be-ne-fits babE! And also the other day they had a really nice planter of mums out by the B-school). But then there are the days when you need to show your high school transcripts to your alma mater in order to register to take classes. Ain’t nobody gets in what hasn’t graduated from high school. Period. Don’t try to backwards logic it either, they don’t much understand ‘if diploma then already proven high school graduation’ angle. The U is a progressive institution, backwards logic has no place here.

Another crank, besides the imminent danger of gallons of high pressure sinus goo suddenly finding an unexpected release valve (if only!), is my total lack of quality sleep lately. ASS for sleep Sunday night, ASS for sleep Monday night, my weird sleep schedule all weekend AHHHHHH! Bursting head, achy sandpapery eyes, pressure crank, lack of sleep crank, it’s a wonder I’m not off on some sort of killing spree. Folks, I am not the easiest person to get along with lately…pity TheMan! Pity the weirdoes too because I gave them the boot yesterday for just being cats. Do you know how annoying it is to be lovingly lain upon by two furry hot water bottles at one in the morning when YOU! CAN! NOT! SLEEP! (where does the question mark go there?) ARRGH! Cats. ARRRGH! Head. ARRRGH! Everything else in the whole damn world!

Well, except my boss. She is out of town. How ironic is that, really? Lately, my least stressing stressor is work.

I don’t know if I would call this another crank but I’ll talk about it anyway. TheMan found an amusing little game called Urban Dead in which you can play one of three or four different human classes or a zombie (zombie! zombie! zombie!) and you go beating up on other humans or zombies…preferably the opposite sort as you happen to be but not necessarily. I guess it’s “polite” to not eat the other zombies if you happen to be a zombie, but I never really took that to heart. Hey, I figure if a zombie gets hungry and there isn’t a human to munch on then why not make a light snack of your fellow undead? I’m not talking about a whole hand or anything, just a finger or two from this fella, maybe a nose from this other fella. A zombie’s gotta keep up its strength you know?

Anyway, I created a zombie! and have been tooling around looking for snacks, because snacks give you points! And points get you 5ki11z! And skills let you open doors and eat people inside buildings. Yum! Heh. So yeah, I’ve been zombieing around trying to find people to munch on for points, or other zombies when lo! I found a square with a bazillion zombies parked on it. More zombies than I had encountered in the game the whole time I had been playing. So I joined up because zombies are very closely related to lemmings and sheep (true fact!) and milled about with the other bazillion zombies. I figured I’d go off each day to find some people to munch and then come back to the zombie protest block at night. A lone zombie at night can get ganged and deaded right easily by the humans around.

This worked OK save for the fact that my zombie was the next in line on the zombie queue (we all show up as “a zombie”) so the next thing I know, I log on revivified and human. Well crud! No point in being a zombie if you are un-undead. However, I was still a zombie at heart so I skillfully got myself infected and then jumped into a building (as a human, I could do that now). Then I waited to die from the infection, at which point I’d come back as a zombie but inside the building where all the tasty people were hiding. Buffet! Sadly, someone healed me before I died (and could come back. Zombie!) and then someone else killed me and then someone else threw my dead again body out of the building so I ended up right back where I had been the first time. Garh! Ah well. At least I’m a zombie again.

I made another character, a human, but I haven’t been able to log on but twice because something Uuugly happened. I think I have the same member name for both characters and the same zombie name as my member name so I can’t get my cop to come up unless I’m at work where the computer happened to have saved all the info in the happy windows do everything box. I don’t really understand it at all, it’s like the there not there character.

Hmmm. What else? You got anything Victor? No? Well OK then. I think I’m done here.


Last year at the booniverse: I thought I might go rummaging through Joy to see if it might have a section on How To Drive A Zester. Joy is the BOMB for that sort of stuff.


Last last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Jelly Cake (brown)

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