She’s Changing Her Name From Kitty To Karen

Not much on the plork burner, sad to say, so instead I give you Confessions of a boo

Number uno: I can not for the life of me remember the name of my friend’s wife unless I sing the line of this song. I’ve known the guy for four years and he was dating her back then too so you would think I’d be able to remember ‘Karen’ in that time but no. I always have the same conversation in my head every time I have to say Dude and Wife, which goes a lot like this. “Dude and…ahhh crap. What’s her name. You know, her. The chick. The one whose name is in the Cake song. Ahhhhh….ahhhhhh. Damn. OK dooo dee dooo She’s changing her name from Kitty to Karen. KAREN!”

Numero Two: I have not yet read the newest Harry Potter. Yeah, I know. I KNOW! Oh, I want to know how the story goes, I just don’t have the energy to read it. Put a Cheeto in my mouth!

THIRD BASE!!: (skip over this one babe, it might be too frightening) I park the car on faith more often than really wise. Either that or I have a tremendously accurate sense of where the car ends and outside obstacles begin, you choose. The number of times I’ve pulled partially into a parking spot and thought “Hmmm. Is that post too close? Hmmmm. If it is will I have to back out and try again? Hmmmm. I think I can make it!” is terrifyingly staggering.

Fear: My Siamese cat is driving me bonkers. What does “Meh. Mee. WOW! Mrrrr. Mehmehmeh. Meow. Prrrrt. mee. MEE!” mean? What? WHAT?!??! Shuuuuuuut! Uuuuuup!

Finskaroo: I have not seen any of the Godfather movies, nor do I have the desire to see any of the Godfather movies. It’s not that I hate gangster flicks because some of them are quite good, and it’s not because I hate the Godfather flicks because I’m sure THEY are quite good. Rather I think it’s all the “OH! You really need to see the Godfather movies because blah blah great cinema cakes”. Listen, I’m sure they are great and all but I spent five and a half years of my life having to watch great movies for my major and I’m still rather tired of being told I have to watch great movies because of their cinematastic qualities. For cripes sake, I’ve seen Citizen Kane about a bazillion times in bits and fragments I’VE PAID MY DUES!!!!. Nothing against you Godfatherites. Really.

Geese a laying: I have Let it Snow permanently stuck in my head. It’ll be a blustery March day and I’ll look out the window to see the wuster bluster by and my brain starts up with the “Oh the weather outside is frightful”. It’ll be one of those late summer green sky storm days and I’ll look out the window to see the funnel clouds whir by and my brain starts up with the “Oh the weather outside is frightful”. November slush? In here it’s just delightful! February dreary? The fire is cheery! You name a month and a bad weather and my brain will start up with how bad the weather is in chipper holiday cheer. The worst part is that my brain only really knows the first two lines of the song. Send help.

Seven-thousand Macedonians: I don’t drink skim milk because it’s good and low in fat and blah blah healthy cakes. I drink skim milk because as a child, when I had no choice in the matter, we used to drink 2% milk until the day my ‘rents decided that 2% milk was the debil. From that day forward we would only be drinking 1/2%, so sayeth the law. It tasted like Elmer’s glue water and I hated it. However, as a kid, you don’t get much choice so I learned to drink it and then learned to like it. Yuuummm-ummmm, 1/2%. Then when I got to college they only served Whole milk, 2% and skim and drinking 2% after living off of 1/2% is sort of like just drinking the honey after having tea all morning. Guahhhh. So I started in on the skim milk, which tasted like Elmer’s glue water and I hated it. However, 2% still tasted like milk sludge so I learned to drink skim and then I learned to like it. Strange that, I like water an awful lot…maybe that’s the next step?

I forgot what eight was for: What?!?

Number Nine: I don’t particularly like the Beatles. Some tunes are fun (O-bla-de makes me giggle so I’ll gladly listen to that and some of the old old tunes – twist and shout – are pretty rockin too) but for the most part I have no qualms about surfing or skipping over the vast majority of Beatles tunes. I don’t even really like the White Album.

Ten Tiny Turtles: It’s not even December and I’m stressing about Christmas presents. However, if I get them early in the year I forget what I got and where I put it, which stresses me out. I really hate waiting until the last minute to shop though, so the best time to get presenting, for me, is early December. You know, so I can stress out that I haven’t gotten everything yet. Hrrrm!


Last year at the booniverse: I wonder how many posts I write that begin “I’m in a foul-assed cranky mood, damnit!”


Last last year at the booniverse: Annie was a good dog and we all loved her. Head scritchies for you, little pup wherever you are.

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