In A Word: Suck

I was going to title today’s entry “Don’t FUCK with me!” but I’m having a better day now.

I am again full of the loathing murderousness for the phone techs I have to call the printer problems in to. One of the printers went down over the weekend with a “Fuser Error” message. I’m not sure what all is entailed in a Fuser Error situation, but I can guess the short of it is that the fuser has something wrong with it. I know, the blinding genius sometimes even astounds me. Whatever the problem, the printer was having none of the printing, and since that’s what it does, I called it in.

BUT! Not before I performed all the necessary rituals of spontaneous printer resurrection. Paper jammed? Nope. Fuser unseated? Nope. Alien hive ship nesting in the general fuser area? Nope. Hail Mary “turn the printer off and then on” maneuver? Check (and I counted to 30 because the last time, when I only went to 15, the phone tech guy asked me to go back down and wait 30). Time to get a tech in to fix the puppy.

Sadly, I got one of those God’s gift to phone tech people who was convinced I couldn’t tell my ass from a fuser unit (one hint: The ass is wider!) and I didn’t really need a tech. It was probably my ign’rint plork what got confused with all them words like “fuser” and “error” flashing on that writin screen. Phone Tech of the Gods asked if I had turned the printer on and off (Yup) because that usually clears a problem right up. Which it hadn’t, but that didn’t stop her from suggesting I go down and wait a full minute this time. I suggested that perhaps she pursue a different line of printer problem shooting as the printer had been off all night with no change in its not printing status.

Her next miracle cure of the day was to ask if I was sure that it wasn’t printing because she just sent something to the printer and got a message back that the printer was processing. Arrrgh! The printer hadn’t been printing all morning, why it would suddenly come back to life then…especially after being bitchy about the fuser, which is one of the important parts of printing, is beyond me. And also, if she says it’s printing according to her data I have to go down and check to see if it’s actually printing or just faking it cyber-like. ARRRGH!

Guess what? It was dead! Dead like it was when I called in twelve years ago and requested a TECH be called for an on-site visit. Fu-ser! Not working! GIMMIE A TECH GODDAMNIT. On the other hand, the companion printer was happily spitting out paper and singing its little working song. Hmmmmm! Could it be that Bitchy McPhoneGodTech may have gotten the printers confused?

Phone techs who are God’s gift to service desks everywhere don’t much like it if you insinuate that they might be mistaken. Which she wasn’t, because she was the phone tech and I was customer with ham sandwiches fro brains. She finally ordered me up a tech to come out but he had to reschedule after walking in and looking at the printer. It turned out that he had the wrong tool kit for the not printing printer. He did, however, have he right tool kit for the companion printer. ARRRRGH!

I’m also having a crank about certain areas of my person which I thought, for some ungodly reason, might ought to get a little grooming attention. So I commenced to razor away and lo! I was smooooove skinning it for a day. Mmmm, seXXXay, if you know what I mean. Then, the most heinous case of razor burn known to man (or woman or even orangutan if they shaved regularly) settled upon my person despite all precautions I thought I had appropriately taken. Not so much the seXXXay if you knwo what I mean. One should not have to suffer through razor burn in one’s certain delicate and once smooooooove areas. Why? ARRRRGH!

But the most ARRRRGH definitely has to go to this weekend’s encounter with the black ice that ate Ann Arbor. Coincidentally, I now know what an air bag feels like when it goes off. Cozy! Yeah, we had a bit of bug crunching going on this Saturday when TheMan hit the Black Ice that Ate Ann Arbor and slid, slid, slid (fishtail), slid, slid some more, fishtailed a little to break it up, slid, slid and then slid right through an intersection. We got off scott free except for the full sized truck we T-boned. Then, while our vehicles were all askew in the intersection and we were asking if everyone was all right, one idiot had to weave his way through the accident and slip zip! He smacked into someone else. Then then, on the same patch of BITAAA, we weren’t hit by someone almost not making the light, but they were hit by the person behind them who was in turn hit by the person behind them. It was like Christmas but louder and with more collateral damage.

Nobody in any three accidents was hurt but the bug went off in a tow truck. Poor buggle is missing a lower fender and a fog light as well as a good portion of a headlight. Not to mention two air bags hanging out all air bagged. It doesn’t look too bad but the insurance guy told me, “Hmmm! When the air bags go off in a little car like that, usually it’s totaled.” Totaled? WAH! TheMan was just 4 short months from paying it off! *sniff* On the plus side, if the bug is totaled maybe we can get a diesel bug and convert it to a bio diesel engine.

So, how was your weekend?

Last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Koala’s March (strawberry)

Last last year at the booniverse: I have no lucky number or clothing or spoon or what have you.

The year before at the booniverse: Wait a minute, deep fried as in deep fried deep fried? Not lots of butter on a griddle fried – deep fried right? Like fish fry fish deep fried? A sandwich? You can do that?

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