When Geeks Brainstorm

Hello little Rag Tag Fugitive Fleet!

TheMan and I have been really getting in to Battlestar Galactica as it marches its merry way to planet Angst. This is not your father’s (or…ahhh…also my childhood’s) BSG – oh no! There are many similar elements; cylons bent on destruction (do I need to capitalize cylons?), Rag Tag Fugitive Fleet under the protection of one lone (well at the moment, two lone) big guns military ship, the destruction of the colonies, the search for Earth, Adama, Apollo, Starbuck, Boomer, Teigh and the vipers. However, even the similar elements aren’t really the same, more a nod to the original show. I mean, Starbuck a chick? Well, OK. Teigh a drunk? OoooooKay. Boomer a cylon…ummm – hey, what?

Yeah, the cylons now have a handful of human models that are indistinguishable from a regular human. You know, so they can plant deep cover operatives in the fleet and notch everybody’s paranoia up to eleven. It just wasn’t angsty enough that only 50,000 people managed to survive the massacre, they had to throw in a little bit of uncertainty as to which of the 50,000 are true humans, which are cylon operatives and which are deep cover cylon operatives that don’t even know that they are cylons. Tricksey toasters!

By the way, to put things in perspective – the U of M stadium holds around 100,000 fans, which makes the whole sum of BGS’s humanity a poorly attended Saturday college football game. ANGST HAMMER! (They even keep a wipe board with the number of survivors which gets pretty accurately updated from week to week)


Of course TheMan and I got to talking about who could swoop in and save the day for the colonials (in the true Sci-fi cross over vein) because that’s what geeks do. You know, the whole “Who’s stronger: Superman or The Hulk” kind of thing. Anyway, this is what we dinked around with.

The Star Trek Universe. Hey, you got to start with the classics, right? What happens if we plop the Enterprise (or similar class vessel) on the side of the RTFF (because of COURSE the Federation is going to side with the colonials)? The ST universe is certainly more technologically advanced with shields, beaming technology and phasers/proton torpedoes but we’ve seen that the cylons are really good at hacking high tech (or as high as the tech ever got in BSG, which is basically integrated computers, no shields, and projectile missile guns). Is an Enterprise class ship too high tech and dangerously susceptible to a cylon hack? If not, than I think they’d kick some mighty ass with the superior weapons and shield tech but if so then I would hope that the humans could get the self destruct working before the cylons boarded and discovered all the tasty technology and used it to their advantage. Plus, one has to wonder about the fundamental differences in viewing space fleets: Are an ST ship’s shields good enough or the weapons systems fast enough to deal with a bazillion cylon raiders? Cuz the cylons have about seven bazillion raiders and cloning technology. Did they ever take the Enterprise through an asteroid field?

The Star Wars Universe (the original good trilogy). Because if you are going to play one coin, you gotta play the flip side. SW is much more diverse mixing of people than ST, so I’m not entirely sure if the rebellion/senate/whatever would automatically side wit the RTFF or how that would pan out and it would depend upon where they met up in the SW timeline. The Empire might even try to subjugate everybody if it’s around and thriving. Again, though, you have a higher tech with the SW shields and energy weapons but I get the feeling that the SW tech isn’t as advanced as the ST tech. Maybe it’s the whole “Starfleet tech manual for every single ship ever mentioned” phenomenon that gives ST the illusion of tricky high tech but if I were a cylon and I took a look at the SW tech, I’d be so “Yeah. Right with ya, just let me warm my fingers up…there. Let’s go loot us a Mon Calamari cruiser.” Plus, the people of the SW universe are awfully reliant on droids and aren’t cylons just really, really vengeful droids? Really, do you think C3PO could resist being taken over by the cylons? I don’t.

On the other hand…Jedi knights. I bet a Jedi knight could think out a human cylon model faster than you can say “Frak!” and that force push thing would come in mighty handy dealing with the centurions.

The Babylon 5 Universe. Again with the tech issues, B5 doesn’t seem to have quite the level of tech SW and ST have but it’s pretty close. I’m pretty confident that Sheridan (and thereby the humans and Mimbari and probably a lot of other worlds) would side with the RTFF because it just seems in character for him. I’m also pretty confident that the cylons wouldn’t have much trouble hacking the tech and disabling most of the ships. The White Star class, however, might be a bit different. Did they use organic tech on the White Stars? Forgetting the cylons for a moment, I think the real question is which fighter ship is the most maneuverable: Viper or Starfury? (It’s really just all about the cool fighter ships, actually. I have to admit, BSG and B5 both have the coolest launch sequence of any Sci-fi series)

The X-Men Universe. Yeah, it’s not exactly Sci-fi per se, but it did come up in conversation. The interesting thing here, I think, is that the cylon objective would actually unite the Professor’s people and Magnito’s people and that’s a lot of pretty kickin mutants. Heck, with just the Professor and Magnito alone you have a lot of your problems solved. While Magnito takes over the metal based cylons and does some centurion/raider head cracking, Xavier can be roaming around the fleet telepathing out the human models. Add in all the other mutants and wala! I think that’d be pretty fun, actually and it’s hard to hack a mutant. Well, unless you’re Douglock I suppose.

And last but not least and my favorite scenario (which probably should have gone up top): The Borg. The Borg aren’t going to take anybody’s side; they’ll just want to eventually take everybody into the collective but what fun it would be to drop a couple cubes into the mess. They will, of course, start with the cylons as The Borg assimilate races with more advanced tech first, but I don’t think the cylons will assimilate very fast at all. Cylons adapt; The Borg adapt. Cylons are 1337 hackers; The Borg are 1337 hackers. Cylons clone; The Borg are really hard to take down. I’m thinking neither side will give in and it’d probably be one long protracted machine war, which would give the RTFF a chance to slip out and away. Plus, it’d be cool to see The Borg and the cylons go at it. I’m not sure who I’d place my money on.

Last year at the booniverse: The Borg assimilated the post!

Last last year at the booniverse: Cylons killed the post!

The year before at the booniverse: My fingers smell like garlic.

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