That’s The Dumbest Thing Ever

In which I totally don’t get “upgrade” as presented to me by HP.

OK. So a while back I was all squee about my new(ish) printer (and most importantly, the new(ish) printer what takes 5si toner, being a 5si printer and all) and I’d link to my squeeing rambles but…Cheeto. Anyhow, my old (OLD!) 4si finally gave up the ghost about a month ago and I got a hand-me-down 5si printer to replace it. I think budget restrictions prevent me from actually getting a new printer so I’m stuck with four year old used hanging about printers to replace my ten year old dead printer. However, I’ve dealt in general with 5si printers before and they aren’t bad for a workhorse printer.

Coming off of a 4si took a bit of getting used to though. The 4si was slow (ssssllllloooooowwwww) but it didn’t give a rip what you did to it. Envelope? HokayDoke! Card stock? No worries! Cheese sammich? Why, let’s give it a try! You could put anything in the bypass tray and it’d suck it into the machine with an amused gusto. Of course I also got pretty good at fishing stuff out of the 4si since just about anything went in, but not everything went through. The fuser got a bit fussy about processing things like cheese sammiches.

The 5si, which is the next model up from the 4si (imagine that!), was having none of that. In fact, the 5si was having nothing doing with the bypass tray at all for the first couple of days. I’d put something in, the little lever deelie would click and indicate I actually had something in the tray and the printer would go “Nuh-uh” and refuse to print anything. Or it would hum up and then draw a paper from one of the regular trays. On one occasion it sat up, spun around and puked split pea soup all over the office. The getting acquainted period was rather rough. Fortunately, Alessar came strolling by one day as I was giving my new printer its umpteenth whack upside the head and he did some mojo magic which settled the thing down right quick. Grand! The 5si and I were off to the races, printing like gods.

Then it had a crisis of faith and quit with the bypass traying for good. It wouldn’t’ even roller the pick up wheels for me anymore and I was stymied. What makes a printer decide overnight that it isn’t going to print? It also stymied our IT guy so the hard core HP techs were called in.

The tech came in to give my printer a look see, hmmmed once and then gave the control panel a poke. Wala! Damn printer was bypassing like a mad thing. Why does that always happen? You get some sort of bizarre assed technical issue that has you completely baffled, and you aren’t a total idiot because it’s not like the plug is hanging out of the wall socket or anything, so you figure it’s tech guy time. Hello? The take up rollers weren’t taking, that sounds pretty tech guy to me, you know? And then when the tech guy comes in, he prods the machine once in the menu bar and it starts up from the dead and Lazaruses out about a billion pages FROM THE BYPASS TRAY! One Poke! ARRRGH!

Apparently, and this is the “upgrading” I was talking about, the 5si printers need to be told from the print menu of whatever processing program you are using that you are going to be sending “X” kind of paper through the machine. It’s like going to the gynecologist what with them always saying “OK, I’m going to be doing this now and it’s going to feel like that and accomplish this other thing” and then four years later the Gyne actually does whatever it is that they are going on about. That must be why it takes about six months to even get an appointment with them.

So! Although the 4si was clam happy to suck a beach towel through the bypass tray, even though there isn’t a setting for beach towel in any processing program that I know of, the 5si gets all “If it’s not in the manual, I’m not allowed to do it”. Priss. Totally like that one goody-two shoes kid in grade school who was always going on about “We’re not supposed to dooooooo that.” If the world were based on never doing things we’re not supposed to do, we’d still be wondering if tools were a good thing or a bad thing.

That’s not exactly why I wrote about my printer today, although it is a pain in my lazy keester to have to tell the printer that each and every different thing that I am printing is in fact, different. The thing that took the cake for stupid is step two of informing the pansy-ass printer that you are printing something different: Walking over to the damned printer and toggling through the menu to tell it physically that you are indeed (Yes already! I could have had a printed cheese sammich from my 4si by now!) printing on different medium.

What the hell?

The 5si model was not designed for desktop single user use, where the physical act of stabbing the control panel until you can select your printing medium wouldn’t be that much of a bother. It’s designed to be a network printer to which everybody and their brother can print their jobs. And also, to which everybody and their brother apparently have to get up and walk to in order to stab it to “envelope” or “card stock” or whatever. How does that make any sense? Networked printer! Multiple users! STABBITY! Why can’t the printer figure out from the program (well, OK. The printer does have to talk to Word and for that it has some of my sympathy) what the hell it’s supposed to be printing on? Or better yet, just suck the damned whatever it is through the bypass tray and not give a flying rat’s ass what it is? Whose idea was it to have to march over to the actual printer and physically tell it to print? Net! Worked! Printer! ARRRGH!

One out of one Isaaks agree: That’s the dumbest printer set up ever.

Last year at the booniverse: They wanted the gown on opening forward so I had to stuff as much of it as I could in my armpit in order to stay decent.

Last last year at the booniverse: So out my seeds went this morning, as the two day old custom has established itself, and by the time I got to work I noticed that there was snow in the air.

The year before at the booniverse: I got me a double dose of God today. Halleuja!

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