Eight Degrees Above Freezing

Heh, it looks like this blog has turned into the all garden review. Except I’d have to actually have a garden, which I don’t yet because ARRRGH! GodDAMN fucking weed trees and Cthulhu boring bush roots (and a shout out “Hi!” to whomever is dropping by from a k-12 school in Hawaii. Heh).

Wednesday or Tuesday or whenever it was I went zooming over to The Place of Home Improvement and Pocket Book Impoverishment to pick up the afore mentioned garden implements of destruction. Which I did, along with some other things I thought of for home improving (hey, I was there…why not eh?) but had to ask a worker person where the diatomaceous soil was. Do they call them sales people? Floor workers? OH! Associates. Or something. Anyway. She was most certainly In! A! Mood! for when I asked about the diatomaceous soil, her eyes about rolled up and out of her sockets and she got all put upon snotty with me. Apparently, I must have been showing my 1337 edumacation 5k1llz to one up her, or something because she gave me a long suffering look and asked if I would just give her the layman’s term for whatever it was.

Ahhhhh…no. No I can’t because it’s called ‘diatomaceous soil’. See…it’s soil…with diatoms in it.

[eyeroll. Foot tap]

Ahhhhh…diatoms…little tiny creatures with shells. Except they’re dead. And in some soil. Look, you use it to get rid of grubs and other-hey, where are you going? Wait for me!

When we got to the section of ‘get the pests out’ what should we see but a bag of…diatomaceous earth! (soil, earth, whatever). DIATOMACEOUS! Learn it, fucker, if you’re going to be working the gardening section and if your eyes roll around like that ONE MORE TIME I’m going to leap at your face and eat them out of your head! Oi!

Wednesday it rained like a mad thing so there was no gardening. There wasn’t even any put the implements away-ining because woah! I got soaked walking from the car to the porch, all of one step. Ergo, we spent the night watching Ghost hunters and various other TV shows.

Yesterday it was gloooomy all day and angry rainy for most of the afternoon hours. It did clear up long enough for me to get my duds on and mosey out to the garden though. All I had left for the front part was yanking stupid boring bush number two and one weed tree (actually two, I found one after I hacked down SBB#2). So this I set out to do, figuring I’d be out of there in maybe 45 minutes on the outside. Yeah. One and a half hours later, all I had accomplished was ripping out stupid boring bush number two and creating a giant gaping hole in our front garden. You could hide a small car in there and no one would be the wiser. Crimony. Stupid boring bush #2 must have been the grand daddy to Stupid boring bush #1 because I kept digging and clipping and yanking and it kept not budging an inch. A ton of displaced dirt later and I was finally able to at least rock it in place while I found and chopped out the remaining bazillion hidden root tentacles that kept it anchored.

I don’t want to talk about the weed trees other than to say that I have a giant, loathing ball of HATE for tap roots. This may have to be solved with more elaborate tools of gardening destruction and a come along or two. GNAR!

This weekend I am zooming out to the nursery/plant place and picking up my square foot garden tasties (I’ll put the frame together tonight and plop it down Saturday sometime) and optimistically, I’ll also pick up the fixings to at least get one side of the walk way garden all done up. We also might get all medieval on the weed tree root’s asses and forcefully haul them up out of the ground by whatever means necessary. Use your tools! And violence if need be. Fucking weed trees.

Enough about plants! Let’s talk about snack food, like I haven’t got anything ready to post this Saturday. Ahhhh…whoops. Fortunately, I have the review all written but as usual the pic is holding me up. After that, however, I got nuttin. So! Today (being a sweetie day) is officially ‘JSFR like there is no tomorrow’ day. I’m thinking of cracking into the fellas LunarGeography left me seven ages ago, one or two more from the giant Japanese snack basket of doom and definitely the new mochi. MmmmmmmmOCHI! It makes me nervous not having anything in the JSFR queue, if I can write up three reviews tonight I’m golden for a while. We shall see.

Lastly, who told the weather it could get all cold AND nasty? The forecast has ‘rain, rain, rain’ scheduled from here to eternity (still) and this morning it was frigid nippy cold. Hello…spring? Ever hear of the season? Man, I hate cold wet rain. It’s good for gardens…if you HAVE gardens but not so good for the making of gardens, or anything else really. Grrrr.

Last year at the booniverse: You are going to thank me for not posting yesterday because yesterday was a day full of HATE and CRANK!

Last year at the booniverse: BTW: In case you were wondering, the gingery effervescence of Vernors is hell on a raw scratchy throat.

Last last year at the booniverse: ‘Boomp-boomp-boomp. PoTAAAAAto salad. Boomp-boomp-boomp. PoTAAAAAto salad.’ and that is when we lost our shit.

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