Potato Toe

And I bet you thought this was going to be some massive green report eh? Heh. Instead, say hi to my new truck bangle – FSM. That’s Flying Spaghetti Monster for those of you not into alternate Intelligent Design theories. I think he compliments my Darwin-fish which is on the other end of the vehicle quite nicely.

Have you been touched by his noodley appendage?

FSM courtesy of Badmovie and LunarGeography’s “We have too much stuff to move!” initiative. Plus, they had two.

And also! Cherish that picture above because it’s now a collector’s item. Oh yes, I did something spectacularly outrageous this weekend: I single-handedly, with some help from TheMan, washed AND waxed both vehicles. It took me 5 hours of scrubbing, sudsing, spraying and buffing (and then the bug took what…15 minutes?) but in the end both vehicles came out sparkly and shiny. I wrock! yo. I’m also a tad sore in the shoulders because Truck! Dirty! I was on my hands and knees in the bed scrubbing each individual bed hump and divot (they make truck beds all humpy and divoty because…errr…probably something to do with water and traction) and let me tell you, if you don’t wash your truck for a while, those humps and divots will collect all sorts of narst.

How long is a while? Well, in the middle of brush scrubbing the hood TheMan sorta stopped with a quizzical expression on his face and asked if he had ever seen the truck clean. This caused me to stop with the divot scrubbing and think. When WAS the last time I had washed the truck? Did I at the condo? Nnnnooooooooo. Maybe at the Stadium house? Mmmmmmaybe. There had to have been at least a winter de-salt squirching yes? No? Huh. You know, I don’t think TheMan has ever seen the truck washed. I’ve known him since summer ’01. That’s a while. I’m thinking I may not have washed the beastie even before then. ’99? AN ENTIRE CENTURY HAS TURNED SINCE MY TRUCK WAS WASHED!!!!

That, folks, is the definition of “a while”.

It was so much a while that when we finally got through the years of protective grime, I was surprised at how bright red the vehicle was. I mean…bright red. RED!!! I had grown used to the dull dingy red it had become. Huh! Shiny too.

I also learned that while a truck has 17,000 acres of washable surface (compared to a bug’s 0.5), it’s a much easier 17,000 acres of washable surface. A truck is laid out very compartmentally. You have the front, which is the windshield, hood, grille and the under grille thing. Then the front quarter panels, left right. The door panels, left right. The bed sides, the bed insides, the top and the tail gate. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Easy as pie (a 17,000 acre pie) to wash and rinse and move on to the next part. A bug on the other hand has the front, which consists of the windshield, hood, grille, and under grille thing and then the headlight fender deelies which wrap around to the side and hey! OK! Doing the side now. Except then you get to the back fender things which just round up and onto the tail end of the bug. Doing the back of the bug! And whoops, fendered to the other side. That car is all round with no real stopping points. It’s a good thing it’s so tiny because I had that sucker washed, scrubbed and rinsed in less than an hour.

I am super vehicle washing and waxing woman! ROWR!

I am also interior decorator woman, but most of the credit for this project has to go to LunarGeography. She and Badmovie came over on Saturday despite having new house chaos of their own to contend with, just to help out TheMan and I with Party Preparations. Aren’t they the coolest friends ever? A FSM sticky AND a Saturday. We womens dinked around with the hanging of the pictures while the boys did…I have no idea. I lost track of both on them until it was dinner time. Anyway, look! Art! On my walls! I’ve been meaning to get these pics up for, well not as long as I have been meaning to get the truck washed but close. Now – Huzzah! ART!

OK, there is a bit of a Green Report in here. These are my new tomatoes! The big one’s a Super Fantastic and the small ones are Romas. All were tasty; we sacrificed them to the burger gods. Yummm. BTW, LunarGeography is the hand model for the Super Fantastic.

And at last – Potato Toe! Check out my middle toelet there. Ow! I’m not sure what I did…well actually I know exactly what I did to get the toe like this so the uncertainty lies with how badly the toe has been effected by our impromptu game of potato soccer. While walking into Meijers, TheMan and I noticed a lone spud lying in the road. Of course our first reaction was to point and holler “PoTAYto!” because we are dorks. Our second reaction was to soccer the potato out of the road. What? It was a driving hazard. We’re not talking a new potato, oh no. This was a full sized baked potato monstrosity lurking smack dab in traffic. It would have upended a Geo had we not relocated it. With our feet. True thing!

Anyway. Things were going swimmingly with the tater soccer (we even got another fella in on our game!) until I got all crafty like and no shadow kicked the spud. For those of you who are confused, a no shadow kick is a martial arts thing where you curl up your toes (soas not to jam them) and smacker something with the ball of your toe. It’s a short, swift and low kick designed to be hard to see and do some damage to other low lying things, like the tiny bones on the top of your opponent’s foot. Or conceivably launching a potato a great distance, but I don’t think the masters of yore were quite thinking of that particular application when they came up with the kick. It would have worked splendidly too if I hadn’t been wearing my Birks, which just picked up the potato in that space between the ball of my toe and the Birk foot bed and jammed said spud into my poor toelets. Ow. *sniff* I don’t think it’s broken but it may be dislocated. If not, it’s at least jammed mighty nicely. Poor toe.

Last year at the booniverse: Allllllllllllmost there….

Last last year at the booniverse: JSFR: Chelsea Yogurt Scotch.

Last last year at the booniverse: I remember an entire summer where I stubbed my pinky toe, and only my pinky toe, on just about everything. Chair? BAM! (ow ow ow). Door frame? BAM! (ow ow ow). Sister? BAM!

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