Driving While Ass


Yeah, I don’t know. I just felt like saying that. It’s the heat, my plork is all addled.

Monday I paid up some more on my truck karma by helping Mssr. Gonkweasel pick up a swing set the neighbors of his sister were getting rid of. Or something. Anyway, I didn’t need to know who had the swing set, I just needed to know where it was or at least get fed directions along the way. Have truck, will travel; smarts not necessarily guaranteed. That’s my motto and I’m sticking to it.

Monday I was also feeling mighty lazy and not really wanting to go alllllllll the way up to Heartland to grab a swing set and then alllllllllll the way back to deposit said swing set at Mssr. Gonkweasel’s place. However. Trash day waaaaaaaay up in Hartland is Wednesday so it was get the swing set Monday or Tuesday or forever hold our peace. Tuesday was supposed to be 412 degrees (compared to Monday’s 400 degree forecast) and I really didn’t want to be going out on Tuesday. Ergo, Monday. I hate when I am motivated into timeliness by my sheer desire not to have to do anything on an even crappier day than the current one. It makes me feel all responsible like and it’s too damn hot to be responsible.

So we hauled our collective selves allllllll the way up to Hartland, which is really only about 30-40 miles north or so but it’s a boring, flat, nothing 30-40 miles. It’s like driving in Ohio but northerly. I hate Ohio. This trip through Ohio North was not without incident though. On the road, I mean. The scenery never really changes and certainly has never tried to violently cut me off in traffic. It all started with the slow moving wide load whatsit crew. Don’t ask, I have no idea. It was big, wide, white and bulgy and other than maybe being the world’s largest malformed polypropylene canteen we could not figure out what it was. It took up a goodly amount of road though, its lane, a bit of the shoulder and some of our lane to boot. That’s wide.

Oooo! Quick wide load whatsit crew side note: The outrider vehicles were being cleverly cool with the escorting of whatever it was as the two rear guards had positioned themselves in both lanes on the interchange. The exit/entrance ramp narrows to one lane before merging with the new highway and you KNOW that everybody and their brother wants to pass a slow moving vehicle such as the world’s largest malformed canteen. My guess is that the world’s largest malformed canteen is exceedingly heavy and really hard to stop on a dime. Now, if that dime happens to be in the front pocket of the ass who roared around them and then cut in suddenly, I don’t much see a problem there. Heh. Anyway, I thought it was pretty cool that they were preventing such a thing from happening.

However. That didn’t sit well with one ass hat SUV driver who was losing his shit for every second he was forced to drive a paltry 45 miles an hour on an interchange. I don’t get it, that’s 45 miles an hour for maybe a minute until you get to the next highway? The wide load whatsit’s going to pull over once it merges; what’s the big damn hurry? Mr. A.H. SUV must have been having a crisis of not being able to drive as fast as he wanted for he took it upon himself to not only pass me, but the car carrier I let in when the road narrowed. So yeah. That’s obnoxiously passing on the shoulder of an overpass only to cut off a fully laden car carrier. My guess is that car carriers are also not precision driving instruments so why would someone risk getting run over flat just to get two cars ahead? Whatever.

We also got passed on the right further on by a sporty sport car who decided that the off ramp for another interchange was a good passing lane. Hey, that little triangle of no man’s land after the lane peels off is paved right? Perfect!

Big! Ball! of HATE for stupid drivers.

The getting of the swing set (remember that story?) was pretty uneventful save the mysteriously missing slide. I guess the “Save for Sister Gonkweasel” sign didn’t pertain to the slide. I don’t know why, other than the slide is cool and someone wanted it. All in all, humanity was being rather buttish Monday. Bad humanity, no biscuit.

I got home around 9pm and promptly vegged. You notice that I didn’t update on Tuesday and that was because I didn’t quite get the vegging right on Monday. I obviously need to practice if I’m going to perfect the lazy.

Last year at the booniverse: It was sort of like Candy Land except it was all about staying in bed for as long as you possibly could and not be late for work. Snoozy Land!

Last last year at the booniverse: They had 7 (seven! That’s a whole hand, plus a thumb and a finger from the other hand. SEVEN!!) people working the counter and the line Did. Not. Budge.

The Year Before at the booniverse: Have to pay attention to idiot drivers, no time for updating!

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