Worshiping at the Altar of Coffee

Ugh. You know, I posted this earlier but couldn’t for the life of me delete Alter and change it over to Altar. Must have the credit card karma thing going on all over again.

I need coffee.

I am so caffeine’s bitch today. My head was all dull hurty and fuzzy right through lunch time and I Could. Not. Wake. Up. SARS I tell ya. That’s my new excuse for everything. That hangnail that hurts? SARS. Slight cough? Definitely SARS. That way I don’t have to worry about it right? See, I already know what’s wrong (SARS) so I can go about my daily business.

Yeah. Ugh, I did a slo-mo crawl through work today. I thought for sure my head would just snap off and roll under the desk. Then how was I going to find it? I’da yelled directions to my hands but my head has the ears. Ah well. I tell you it’s a wonder I made it in with said head attached. I forgot my morning meds, I almost forgot my ring and I had to go back twice for it (the cat distracted me, he was all meow so I had to pet him, then I forgot why I was in the room in the first place), I forgot my lunch, I forgot my food book, I forgot my reading book so I have something to do while proctoring today, I forgot to wash my pants last night, the list I’m sure stretches on and on.

About the pants. I washed a pair of pants but when I put them on this morning I realized that I had either lost some serious weight or I washed the wrong pants (the trousers have gone wrong, Gromet!). Considering that this weekend was the Mighty Caloric Infusion Weekend of Doom, I was sadly led to the truth that I had no clean pants. On the fuzzy happy up side, TheMan now has a shiny clean pair of cargo pants. Meh. Moving on.

Last night was a total waste of productive housecleaning time. We had it all planned out to come home, clean the living room, do laundry and start in on the Mongolian Horde of dishes that has taken over the sink but somehow it all just never got done. I think an evil house spirit is sucking the life energy from us both because after dinner we pretty much lolled around until TheMan decided he was going to take a nap. He had himself one of those killer headaches and decided to have a little lie down. I put some wash in and kept him company. You could tell we were napping and not sleeping (even though we woke up at 11) because we were on top of the comforter with the sleeping bag over us for warmth. Very important distinction. If we had gone completely under the covers we might as well have gone to bed. Since we were on top of the covers, we were only napping.

You know, I can see a crazy logic there. If you are only in for a nap, then lying “on” the bed rather than under the covers has less of a sense of permanency to it. I mean, under the covers is a commitment. What if you aren’t willing to go all the way with sleep? Maybe just a light snooze or doze is all you want without the bother of the whole in the bed thing luggage. Me, I’m an under covers all the way kinda gal. There is no nap too short that the covers can’t be pulled back and snuggled into. I’m about the quality of sleep.

We had a good snooze too (and so did the cats I do believe) even though the plan was that I was going to just doze between laundry loads. Right. I’m all “Well, I’ll just snuggle here and doze some while the laundry finissssssshhhhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” then BAM eleven o’clock. Maybe I’m coming down with something, I was out like a light. Gone daddy gone.

So after work and before the game, me and the Horde had words. How do two people use up so many dishes? TheMan was tasked with evicting the three cats worth of hair that has manifested in the living room and the house was somewhat presentable. It needs some serious scrubbing and organizing and damn, I have a ton of stuff still over at the condo that will need a home too. Damn damn damn, we are never going to get the house in any kind of order. Maybe I should just give up now and accept my lot in life. A life that includes permanent clutter and dishes that form their own feudal system. I think the pots and pans tried to collect some sort of tithe from the stove. I blame SARS for this too. Damn evil mutated pneumonia disease has got my dishes all up in arms now. I tell you, it’s one bad virus.

We got Neverwinter Nights yesterday. Whoot. No, it’s not out for the Mac yet (bastards) and when it will come out, it wont have a tool set package with it (bastards) but we have a work around! Heh, we are multi platformed and it occurred to me (maybe after TheMan had said it, who knows. I can’t think such a thought would originate from me, given my known computer prowess) that hey, the tool set is available for the PC, we have a PC AND we can hook it up to run like a server that our Macs can access. Sooooo, if we have NWN for the PC, we can log in with the Macs and use the tool set! I (or most likely TheMan) am a genius! Sahweeet. We also got the third season of Buffy on DVD because I ordered that too. It was all a surprise for TheMan that I concocted almost a month ago.

April 1st, happy April Fool’s day indeed. That is the date I ordered this stuff from freekin Amazon. April fucking first and you know when it showed up? Yesterday. April twenty-second. Twenty one days to get from New Castle Delaware to Happy Sunny Ypsi. That’s 1.18 miles per hour. I could have walked faster. Alright, lets be reasonable and say that it was shipped on the 11th like they first said it was going to be. That’s still 2.25 miles an hour. Stupid Super Shipper Saver Crapola.

I don’t mind Amazon at all, I find them really useful but the past couple of times I have tried their Super Saver shipping thing I have been screwed like a red light district girl. The first time my credit card was declined because I had canceled it. Duhh news, except whatever I did to change the billing to a different card did not take but rather created a secondary card, leaving the first card as the primary billing card. Bastards. So the charges were declined and they canceled the order after about five days. Good policy, except they NEVER ALERTED ME that there was a problem. They will do it for regular shipping but I guess Super Shipping leaves out the nice details like “Hey, you know your order has something wrong with it” notices. Bastards. So when I went in to check on where the hell my packages, I didn’t the hell have any packages. What the hell? So I wrote them and told them what was going on and I went in and blitzed the faulty credit card.

Or did I? I placed the surprise Super Shipper order for TheMan on April 1st and guess what card they charged it to? Hey, the phantom card I can’t get rid of. Fortunately, I went in and noticed something was amiss before they just up and canceled the order but again, no notice that anything is wrong. I go looking for the “Get rid of my defunct credit card number already” button and can’t find a single way to delete a credit card once it’s entered. Nope, no way. So I e-mail them my problem. You know what they e-mail back? This snotty message of “We will get rid of the card but next time go to My Account and fix it there.” Oh really? I must have had my head UP MY BUTT instead of trying to navigate your stupid “user friendly” interface. User friendly like a cactus is tree climber friendly. Bastards. Then they said that I would have to manually change the credit card for the order I had currently processing. Double Flaming Bastards. Long story short is that I’m never going to order Super Shipper again. A month (both times) is just too long a wait for them to get their shit together.

So in honor of my weird fuzzy getting cranky mood I offer you

Ten Things In No Particular Order That Piss Me Right Off

One: Amazon.com Super Shipper “fuck with my order” Deal. Bastards.

Two: The Web Assistant. Was today his last day? Or was he just mysteriously not here again? Apparently he got a little bit behind on the stuff he was supposed to do so he came in today after his last day. I have no idea. I also seems one of the things he forgot to do was nap cuz he got down to that as well.

Three: Drivers who can’t seem to figure out any of the road rules. Yellow light is slow down, not whip through so you don’t have to stop. Merge means get your SUV ass OVER sometime before the road ends. Yeah, like even behind me. You can do it, there is no need to race up ahead of me and squeeze your too big monster vehicle butt in the four foot space in front of me. People it is NOT going to kill you to wait through a light or get in behind someone so have some respect for your fellow drivers.

Four: People who are too important for niceties. Man that bugs…like show some respect for your fellow human beings dickwads. Not everyone is your personal servant.

Five: Seriously Geographically Challenged people. Canada, and I think the Canadians will agree, is NOT a United State but its own sovereign country. Mmmm’Kay?

Six: People who have all this melodramatic pay attention to me and my problems angst. It gets tiring. Suck it up and move along already, no one really cares anymore. You know, I bitch as much as the next guy and I can’t deny anyone a good pity party now and then but after a bazillion for the same reason you just gotta look them straight in the hairy eyeball and say “Shit or get off the pot OK? You’re driving me nuts.”

Seven: Night time kitty shenanigans. Lately they have been playing “trap the cat parents’ legs!” and I’m just about ready to wok them both. I need feet freedom!

Eight: And I forgot what eight is for.

Nine: Chocolate. Yes, chocolate. You know how bad chocolate is for you? I looked at the numbers for the chocolates TheMan got for Easter and one one piece is 120 calories and 7.5 grams of fat (4 or 5 of those being the bad for you fat). Who eats just one piece of chocolate? It’s darn fine tasty stuff and you can have an entire meals worth in one sitting. That’s not right! Bastard chocolate schmucks. I’m going to have to go back in time and whack the guy who invented the stuff. 120/7.5 my ass. (heh, and that’s where it’s all going too!)

Ten: The mailman who cuts across our lawn. Grrr.

And to leave on a light note

Ten Things In No Particular Order That Make Me All Warm Happy Fuzzy

One: Kisses from TheMan.

Two: Waking up earlier than the alarm and realizing I have extra time to doze before I have to get up.

Three: Doze Snuggling with TheMan. Mmmm.

Four: A really good meal.

Five: Doing nice things for people as a surprise just to brighten their day.

Six: Kitties under the covers purring and getting kitty scritches (and not biting my nose).

Seven: A nice warm sunny day with a little bit of a breeze to stir things up.

Eight: Rain on a sleep in day where you can snuggle under the covers and listen to the pitter patting of it on the roof and not have to get up to do anything of any importance for a really long time.

Nine: Hanging with my peeps!

Ten: Unanticipated surprises for me. I hate waiting, I love out of the blue gifts. Yeah., I’m fickle.

That’s all, see yas tomorrow.

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