My CD Player Has Come Out Of The Closet

Once upon a time I owned a Teac 5 disc CD changer which was awesomely rad for about two seconds and then it crapped the bed. Apparently, the screwy-mover arm jobber that the laser moved around on was made out of cheap plastic and over time it bent out of alignment. The more it bent, the more the music skipped or stuttered but we found out that one good stomp on the floor usually set it right. Then, when we were stomping like it was some sort of hoe down, I took the unit in to get fixed. Guess what the new part was made out of?

Cheap Plastic! Because that was the only material that part came in. That little lesson cost me almost as much as the machine did originally and it was all out of pocket since it decided to up and die after the warranty was up. Yeah, thanks. Anyway, it was fixed with a new stupid evil plastic laser screwy mover arm jobbit so inevitably it started up again with the jumping and the skipping and the stuttering. This time I let the thing die a slow death until one day I had had it up to here with the stomping in time to my stuttery music and I went out on a mission to get a working five disc changer.

As it happened, Sony was having a sale on their lower end stereo equipment and they had this cute little PXQDFWhatever-number-it-was, which was exactly what I was looking for. It was a reasonable price, it fit my CD changer requirements and best of all, it wasn’t a Teac. And also, it wasn’t in stock. Fnrrrrr. The next model up was also not in stock but I was bound and determined to come home with a new CD changer so I bought the next next model up for about twice the price and four times the machine. Actually, I think my CD player is the most expensive piece of electronics equipment I own, which includes two giant floor speakers.

So I took my new shiny most excellent Sony XCDTSomethingorother-so-old-I-can’t-google-it five disc CD changer home and fell in love with it. It’s got about a billion functions and it’ll do just about everything including windows if you give it a bottle of glass cleaner and park it close enough. Awesome machine. I’ve had hours of relaxing entertainment provided by my amazing CD player. Doing dishes? Throw in a couple of CDs and rock the suds. Cleaning? That’s about three discs worth of tunes. Baking? Two to four discs. Some nights I’d load up a whole pack of classical music, light a bunch of candles and doze to the dulcet tones of random dead composers.

Sadly, I’ve found that TheMan and I don’t really have compatible background rocking music taste so I haven’t done a run of CDs for a long time while cleaning or cooking. This Sunday, however, TheMan was off Smithee editing so I piled in a bunch of my favorites and let them go. Good times! And also, I gave the Horde such a smack down that they’ll be reeling for at least another three days or so. Music and dishes go well together. Then, to spice things up, I put the CD player on super random while I was boogering around baking and straightening up. Sometimes it’s fun to load up the CD player and let it go.

I had forgotten that my CD player has a peculiar taste in music. Give it a chance to play five discs super random and it will start picking favorites. I don’t think it’s a particular slot thing because I know that it won’t play any Rush tunes unless it absolutely has to and even then it’ll have played at least four tunes off of every other disc before grudgingly allowing one Rush tune to come up on the play list. True thing. I once put in 3 Rush discs and 2 other discs and the CD player maybe played 8 total Rush tunes while playing out the other two discs entirely. The only reason it ever played any Rush tunes back to back was that there were no more other songs to play instead. Dirge would tell you that my CD player has more musical taste than I do.

The other thing I noticed is that my CD player has favorites. I’ve never really done an in depth study of what it liked to play, but I have noticed that it will pick a particular disc and play the random beegeebus out of it. Sunday night Badmovie and I discovered that given A-Ha, Matchbox 20, Candlestick, Gin Blossoms and I think maybe a Deathcab for Cutie that the CD player was hands down a fan of A-Ha. Monday night I was again listening to five discs on super random and the CD player’s pick of the evening was Erasure. I’ve always considered Erasure to be THE gay man’s band and you have to admit, A-Ha is not particularly soaked in masculine vibeyness. Monday was so bad with the Erasure love that for the first time I considered that my CD player might actually be a gay male CD player. Has it been hinting at this for all these years? Have I just been too dense to notice? Oi! Color me embarrassed, although that does explain why it never really liked any of the cute girl VCRs I’ve introduced to it.


Last year at the booniverse: It was all possessed like and making the “Fffffzbip” start up computer noise, which would have been peachy if it indeed had been started up.


Last last year at the booniverse: Playing music and not updating.


The year before at the booniverse: That looks mighty weird to see oodles of birds all hanging out on a 45 degree slant.

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