I hate flies

I really really hate flies. And, unfortunately, the house has a minor plague of fruit flies. Little annoying buggers that you can barely see, but which drift into your eyes or up your nose. I think they can smell the sugar and the fruit in the gasses that the blueberry wine is giving off as it works. They tend to congregate around the carboy, even though they can’t get into it.

Last night we took major steps to get rid of them. All of the dishes are done and drained, so there’s no standing water in the kitchen. All of the bottles and cans are out in my Fiancee’s truck, so they have fewer places to hide. There’s no food on any of the countertops. We’re going to get one of those adhesive fly strips on the way home tonight, and in the meantime, I’ve put the Picasso nose on the kitchen cabinet.

The nose is a goofy little thing I got for free when I placed an order from the Archie McPhee catalog. It’s made out of some gooey, pliable semi-adhesive rubber. The basic idea is similar to those stretchy frogs that you fling at walls or windows, in that it’s supposed to tumble slowly down the surface in an entertaining fashion… Archie McPhee doesn’t sell the nose directly, but if you’re really looking for one you can find it at American Science and Surplus (click on the “More” button until you see the entry for “Artistic Body Parts…”)

Anyway, rather than toss it at portraits, I planted it on the inside of the front door for a few days and discovered that it has a secondary function that far outweighs its entertainment value: It attracts flies.

And because of its adhesive qualities, flies that land on it can’t take back off. They stick to the little rubber nose and die, horribly. Of course, there’s no easy way to clean the nose off, so it has dreadful little dried up black specks all over it like tiny hairy moles. I’m kind of expecting that by the time I get home tonight, it’ll be covered in a hideous skin of dead and dying fruit flies.

I’m not too worried. It was free, after all. I’ll just peel it off the cabinet, revealing its pristine pinkish rubber back and toss it in the trash. Then I’ll find something else to order… Maybe I’ll get another free Picasso nose.

Or maybe they’ll send a sticky Van Gogh ear…